Messy break up...now in N/C

[monkeynuts]

Feels odd but I’m not entirely sure how I should be feeling?

 

Relieved? Unsure?

 

Guess my feelings Weren’t of false hope...but that she snapped out of her trance. That she has grown up and stopped blaming me for everything and took responsibility for her own actions.

 

I know this was for the best. Of course I care deeply for her. And for her to say she is super confused I owe it to her to prevent contact. Still doesn’t ease how hard it is.

I don’t know whether I’d get back with her? I don’t know if we would ever work. I tried for so long and it got me no where.

I wonder sometimes if that’s being selfish? As you hear quotes and people say if you truly love someone you don’t give up you fight. Yet then I wonder where was her fight for me? She turned her back on me when we were at the point of buying out first house. Pushed and pulled me for two months until she finally blocked me and didn’t speak to me for weeks. Then finally started reaching out again but she wasn’t my up for meeting. Just kept saying she was confused.

 

I’m still upset. I function now though. I continue my daily life I do things I enjoy. I’m in no rush to find anyone new. Guess my personality just likes having answers/closure and I have to accept I will never understand that