question about etiquette

[Amannamederic]

Hey guys,

 

I have a question...

 

My girlfriend is extremely pissed at me because i said i wanted to live with the person i was going to be married to BEFORE we got engaged.

 

Shes a devout catholic and i am a non-practicing lutheran so i have extremely different views about 9/10's of things than she does.

 

But my question is, is it ok to want to live with someone before making the committment of engagement?

 

-Eric

[kskm]

Of course it is ok, but it depends on who you ask. I would want to know all of their annoying little habits before I married, also people change when you get into their personal space- not all the time for the better.

[annie24]

First off, you're only 17, so this doesn't seem like it will be a big issue anytime in the future...

 

Sorry - you kids are too young to be talking marriage.

 

But, is it right or wrong to want to live together? That's not for us to say. That's for you to decide. Now, if that is what you want, I think it is fine. I also think it is fine to wait until marriage to live together.

 

I think that with your very different beliefs, it is possible that you two may not be compatible, but that's for you two to figure out.

[Amannamederic]

thats what my mom keeps saying...she doesn't think ill be allowed to have any fun.

 

My girlfriend is obsessed with looking at the colleges together and she says its just pressuring her to have sex with me and that if i loved her i wouldn't want to live with her. I even came flat out and told her that i just wanted to make sure we could get along when we are together ALL the time.

 

She blew up at that and you know how it goes from there. I was just looking for some confidence that i wasn't the only person who thought it was ok to live with someone before your married.

 

Thanks guys,

 

-Eric

[OceanEyes]

If she's a devout Catholic, and religion is not of great importance to you, then I agree with Annie: there may be some major issues with compatibility down the road. But that being said, at 17 years old I seriously doubt that either of you should be worried about that just yet. There will be plenty of time for arguments about marriage and commitment down the road. In the meantime, try to have some fun before then.

 

I agree with you though. I wouldn't marry a guy if I hadn't lived with him for at least 1 or 2 years before getting married. There is no way to actually know whether or not you could tolerate living with a person until you actually live with the person. Some people are hell to live with, despite being seemingly agreeable, easy-going folk. There are certain things you never know about a person until you live with them day in, day out.

[mdandrea]

To tell you the truth, most relationships that start off where the couple lives together always have problems in the future. There has been studies to prove this. If you do believe in what the Bible says, you might want to know that if you aren't in the path that God want's you to be in then things aren't going to go how you plan, that's according to the Bible, God gives you choices and there are consequences and rewards for whatever choices you choose to make.

Oh yeah and that crap about living with them to know if you can tolerate them is not good advice. (NO OFFENCE TO YOU GUYS) There are people that have lived happy marriages for years without having lived with eachother before. You have to find compatability then get married and work through your problems, every marriage goes through problems but they can always be solved.

Hope it works for you

[OceanEyes]

Oh yeah and that crap about living with them to know if you can tolerate them is not good advice. (NO OFFENCE TO YOU GUYS) There are people that have lived happy marriages for years without having lived with eachother before.

 

You will understand the mechanics of sharing living space with someone else when you get a bit older. At 15, I wouldn't even expect you to realize that it takes more than love to get along.

[annie24]

thats what my mom keeps saying...she doesn't think ill be allowed to have any fun.

 

My girlfriend is obsessed with looking at the colleges together and she says its just pressuring her to have sex with me and that if i loved her i wouldn't want to live with her. I even came flat out and told her that i just wanted to make sure we could get along when we are together ALL the time.

 

She blew up at that and you know how it goes from there. I was just looking for some confidence that i wasn't the only person who thought it was ok to live with someone before your married.

 

Thanks guys,

 

-Eric

 

I think it's a little too soon in your lives to be committing to each other. There's so much out there to experience - you don't want to rush in to anything.

 

Choosing where to go to college is the first major decision of your adult life. I think you should know all the facts, and don't feel pressured to go to where she is going to school. I think you should go wherever is best for you. If things are meant to be with your gf, they will work out.

[ISuicidalLobster]

Oh yeah and that crap about living with them to know if you can tolerate them is not good advice. (NO OFFENCE TO YOU GUYS) There are people that have lived happy marriages for years without having lived with eachother before.

 

You will understand the mechanics of sharing living space with someone else when you get a bit older. At 15, I wouldn't even expect you to realize that it takes more than love to get along.

 

I know I myself am one of the youngins here but it does amaze me how rushed some of these kids are to try and be grown up. I mean sheesh live a little first then learn to settle down. I've now been locked into a year long relationship. It's had it's ups and downs and i somewhat regret not having crazy nights of having fun and messing around with guys. Rather watching my friends do it and me sit around is a downer. life is a trade off by doing that i still have my stable relationship when i know each night i can say what is weighing on my mind (though he normally knows what's up before I even talk). As far as living with each other yeah at 15 your information isn't great enough to know things like that. I know my bf has quirks at his appartment like the way the pillows much be set or how using paper plates and plastic cups are fine so long as he doesn't do dishes which drive me little crazy. We've lived together on week intervals and I know his quirks and I know I can deal with them.