Insane "ex"

[Sweetie4492]

So I got divorced a while ago and started talking to this guy I'd known for a while and he fell for me QUICK. At the time I was lonely and just went with it because I found comfort in him. Well now it's been over a year and I've tried to cut him off multiple times but he's literally insane. I told him previously I don't think I reciprocate the feelings he felt (wanting to marry me and have children with me) so I tried to let him down easy. This turned into a long strung out show of him threatening to kill himself and threaten to post nudes of me online if I stopped talking to him. He will literally use any excuse or threat he can think of to keep me around and he scares me. He says he'll show up at my work, school or home because he needs to talk to me. I do care about him in a sense that I don't want him to kill himself or be severely depressed but I also don't want anything to do with him. He has no friends or family in the area except the friends he knows through me. I told him he should move back to where he came from but he says I'm his soulmate and he will wait 20 years if it means he gets the chance to be with me. He begs me to give him a chance and two weeks later when I try to distance myself from him(as I've been attempting to do the whole time) he has these mental breakdowns and calls me crying saying all the garage about me being his only happiness and he can't live without me. I'm really at a loss for what to do. I haven't seen him in person in months but he still won't stop. If I cut him off completely I'm terrified he'll do something crazy.

[Annia]

So I got divorced a while ago and started talking to this guy I'd known for a while and he fell for me QUICK. At the time I was lonely and just went with it because I found comfort in him. Well now it's been over a year and I've tried to cut him off multiple times but he's literally insane. I told him previously I don't think I reciprocate the feelings he felt (wanting to marry me and have children with me) so I tried to let him down easy. This turned into a long strung out show of him threatening to kill himself and threaten to post nudes of me online if I stopped talking to him. He will literally use any excuse or threat he can think of to keep me around and he scares me. He says he'll show up at my work, school or home because he needs to talk to me. I do care about him in a sense that I don't want him to kill himself or be severely depressed but I also don't want anything to do with him. He has no friends or family in the area except the friends he knows through me. I told him he should move back to where he came from but he says I'm his soulmate and he will wait 20 years if it means he gets the chance to be with me. He begs me to give him a chance and two weeks later when I try to distance myself from him(as I've been attempting to do the whole time) he has these mental breakdowns and calls me crying saying all the garage about me being his only happiness and he can't live without me. I'm really at a loss for what to do. I haven't seen him in person in months but he still won't stop. If I cut him off completely I'm terrified he'll do something crazy.

 

First I'd talk to my friends and family about the situation so that they know not to talk to him about you if he asks them and so that they support you during these times. Then I'd keep all the registers of his threats and tell him I'm going to the police and eventually go (I had an ex like that and that's what I did and made him stop threatening and stalking me). You also can't engage with him and go full NC and block him on all platforms and cellphone. Don't take his calls! It'll be hard because he might come harder for you but if you keep it, he might eventually give up.

 

Does he know where you live or where you work?

[figureitout23]

I’m not sure if I buy that you want nothing to do with him.

 

It’s just that it’s too easy to get rid of people now a days. And there’s so much education and information out there about stalkers.

 

Your issue is incredibly easy to solve. Call local authorities tell them theres an unhinged man threatening to release nudes and kill himself then block him on all avenues.

 

Again, incredibly easy fix.

 

I don’t know that you truly want that though. The fact that he has nudes of you... incredibly telling. Doesn’t seem this was just a pity date. Seems more like you were fresh out of a divorce and liked the codependent attention he was giving you and now you’re upset because he’s taking it too far.

[Wiseman2]

Unfortunately everything you listed are typical abuser tactics from quick involvement to suicide threats. He Does Not love you. He is controlling you. He doesn't care if you are frightened, that is his intent.

 

You need to block and delete him After you get a restraining order. He is stalking that is a crime, not love.Stop dealing with this alone and immediately tell trusted friends and family the truth about the abuse.

 

Stop letting yourself be held hostage. The only way to deal with this is a restraining order that includes your home, work, etc. Stop tiptoeing around because these psychos can and will show up with a gun...but to kill you, then maybe themselves. You are in the danger-zone, stop playing social worker.

he fell for me QUICK.

him threatening to kill himself

threaten to post nudes of me online if I stopped talking to him.

he scares me.

He says he'll show up at my work, school or home because he needs to talk to me

If I cut him off completely I'm terrified he'll do something crazy.