9 months post break up

[HF95]

Me and my ex have been broken up since last October, 2017 and we had been together for 3 and a half years. The reason for the break up was because he worked long hours and felt he didn’t have time for a relationship, which completely broke my heart. He was crying too so I don’t want to say it was just me who was heartbroken.

 

However after we broke up and assumed I’ll never see him again and that was it. Then he started initiating texts two weeks after with private jokes of hours. Then a week later after that sent me images of me that he had on his phone. Which obviously gave me mixed signals.

 

Fast forward to Christmas, he asked me to spend Christmas with him so I did.

 

So my mind at this point is confused. And then moving on to February I did the worst thing ever to look at his Instagram messages and I saw he had been texting a girl who he works with since before we broke up, like July. July was around the time he was acting pretty distant from me and September was when he first time said he was struggling with work and a relationship. But then he was liking all this girls photos and ignoring me. Like not texting me back as fast as he once did and not liking my photos. It sounds so stupid but when you notice a difference in behaviour you worry!

 

The messages was them talking about themselves for a few months but not everyday. Then they stopped talking for while and between October and January he said to her about going on holiday together and going out for a drink... although none of this has happened it hurts.

 

I told him I saw the messages and he doesn’t think he did anything wrong because we had broken up when he said about the holiday. But insist she is just a colleague.

 

I’m not sure if it was just all a coincidence and a rebound?

 

I’m more disappointed in myself because I was in such a place of anxiety, paranoia and insecurity that it lead me to look down his personal things.

 

We didn’t talk for about 3 weeks after that. But after we still have been talking and seeing each other. And he has asked me to things with him so I’m just lost and don’t know what to do anymore.

 

He’s not from London and has been living here for more than 3 years and I can tell he’s missing his homeland and especially his family. So I think he’s been going through a very hard time. I just think he’s not sure about his own future...

 

I just feel rejected, used, hurt, second best etc

 

If he didn’t see a future with me why is he still talking to me now? What should I do now because I am really struggling!

[smackie9]

He has a close connection with you, so he feels you are a good support system for him. There is no romantic interest anymore, and if that really bothers you tell him goodbye for good then block/delete his number.

[SGH]

Cut this guy off. He broke up with you. He claims it's because he didnt have time for a relationship, but clearly he has been making time for another woman. You're fooling yourself here, and I promise if you continue on this way, he will drop you when he meets someone else.

 

I know this post is harsh, but I have been where you are in the past. It doesn't end well. Do yourself a favor, gather all your self-respect, and stop being his backpocket option. People who love you want all of you, including the difficult commitment piece.