Now I'm back here sharing my story.

[SenseCanada]

Hello Guys,

 

First of all I would love to thank you all here for pushing each other towards healing ang becoming better persons.

I have been reading lots of threads and lots of you feel the same pain and going through the same stuff.

 

I found this forum after my first crazy break up and thanks to an amazing friend "I met here on ENA" and all your threads sharing your stories I somehow healed from being dumped in a relationship.

 

Long story short.

 

The first relationship that made me find this forum was a 4 year long relationship with a girl that I was proposing to, she left me right after the proposal and told me that she needed to find herself. Im a sensitive guy but with the help of you guys I initiated NC and did play my cards right. I am today really proud of myself that I was strict with it. The NC in combination with taking care of myself made me a better person. I ended up being in the best shape ever and my career exploded because off all my hard work and dedication. After a while I accepted that my ex moved on with another guy straight after and actually they are still together. Im happy for the time we had and if I could time travel back again I would just act the exact way because the break up made me the 2.0 version of myself.

 

1 to 1,5 year after the breakup I met a new girl that I had a 6 month relationship with. I ended it because we were arguing a lot and she made me angry and argued with me most of the time. It was hard to be on the other side of the dumper dumpee situation but I had to do it because I deserved better.

 

After that breakup I felt like love was not anything for me. I started to lose hope about finding the true love again and just focused on my career.

But then one day I met a girl, that was the most amazing girl I ever met. She was ending a relationship with her boyfriend (6 years) because she lost her feelings for him. THATS A RED FLAG and I saw it. But hey, you never know. Most of the times rebound relationships doesn't last, but how could I ignore it? I mean WHAT IF it would work out? So I stopped thinking about the "rules" and stories I read about and just started to date her.

 

Things went pretty fast between us and we were both aware of it. She was so easy to talk with and I had a good feeling about it.

I was pretty calm and sure about that I made the right choice dating her.

So 6 days ago after dating her for about 6 months she texted me that we needed to talk. I recognized this from my last relationship and I knew what was coming.

I prepared for it and went over to her place to talk about it.

She was sad when I came in to her and we sat on the sofa. EXACTLY the same as with my first ex. But this time I promised myself to be strong and show her that I'm strong and understanding.

 

She told me stuff had moved forward to fast and she needed some space. With a small smile on my face I told her that I agreed and respected her wish. She said she was sorry several times, but I told her that she didn't have to be. I wanted to scream and cry inside but I was strong.

I went total NC after that and I'm 6 days in.

The feeling is almost the same as with my 4 year relationship when it ended, but it's not as intense.

I have been through this once before and I know what the best thing is to heal. NC.

Atleast when it comes to me. Im really sad about that it didn't work out but I try to be positive. Last time it happened a lot of good things came in to my life, and a lot of positive changes were made because the extra energi I had when I was healing. I'm excited at the same time I'm totally heartbroken.

The thoughts popping up in my brain about her, "is she with her ex again?" "does she really need time and will come back to me later?" "she met someone else?".

The thoughts are popping up all the time. But I'm telling myself, the answers of these thoughts doesn't change anything.

She made her choice and there is nothing I can do to change it.

No contact increases all my chances, and it also makes me heal.

Think about that guys, all you people out there feeling bad after a break up. All the cliche sayings are true and it sucks because I hate to hear them when you feel broken. Be strong, take care of yourselves and things will be better. Every time you get heartbroken you end up stronger than before.

That keeps me excited because I think I'm amazing today thanks to my first breakup, I can't wait to see what person I will become after this.

 

Still I'm here sometimes reading Superdave71's posts, reading all other peoples posts here to get confirmed that It's not only me, feeling like this.

If you have any tips on how to get through the second time getting dumped, please feel free to share.

 

Tonight I felt I just needed to right down my feelings, and why not share them with you. I hope this will make someone feel better in their healing and keep on going strong.

 

I will update if anything happens and if she comes back and if not I will update you when I'm the better version of myself again.

BTW, I had coffee with my first ex leaving me after the proposal, and it felt good. But I know I deserve better and I'm happy for her in her new relationship.

 

 

Have a good night

 

//SenseCanada:stung:

[Kmart23]

Basically she has upgraded my friend. She won't tell you however as she needs you as her potential fallback guy.

[SenseCanada]

Basically she has upgraded my friend. She won't tell you however as she needs you as her potential fallback guy.

 

Interesting point.

Lets se what happens.

Right now Im having trouble falling asleep and thinking about her. But I'm sure I'm doing the right thing.

Just read Superdave71 post again "back to basics" and it made my mind a bit more clear.

I don't want to have false hope about her coming back, but it may help in the beginning as it did with the breakup before.

For me the first time after the breakup is totally out of "my control".

You just have to live with all the thoughts in your head, the panic attacks and the rollercoaster of emotion.

The only discipline I can have is to take care of my self, hit the gym and have confidence in that NC is the best way to go to heal or get her back.

[Kmart23]

Interesting point.

Lets se what happens.

Right now Im having trouble falling asleep and thinking about her. But I'm sure I'm doing the right thing.

Just read Superdave71 post again "back to basics" and it made my mind a bit more clear.

I don't want to have false hope about her coming back, but it may help in the beginning as it did with the breakup before.

For me the first time after the breakup is totally out of "my control".

You just have to live with all the thoughts in your head, the panic attacks and the rollercoaster of emotion.

The only discipline I can have is to take care of my self, hit the gym and have confidence in that NC is the best way to go to heal or get her back.

 

Thoughts of her potentially coming back will be the ruination of you.

You know she left because she is seeing someone else and sleeping with someone else whom she she sees as a better life partner than you.

Possibly he is just more athletic than you. Possible he just has a fatter wallet.(you know chicks dig that).

It also could be that she connects to him on a deeper level than with you.

For whatever reason, she has moved on. Install tinder and a few women this week. Just please don't roll around for the next week in your own self pity. In that week you could have ed 4 strange, and even if they are not your new life partner, at least when you are 70 and entering death bed stage of your life, you can look back with fond memories.

You feel me?

[JCSK]

^^^^What does half of that even mean? Just go and use a few women to make himself feel better - what about their feelings? And how does he definitely know that she has met someone else? Not every woman ends a relationship because they've met someone else and I have never, ever used the size of a man's wallet as a dating benchmark. This is scarcely constructive advice.

 

OP, it sounds like you are doing everything right and taking your own good advice. I'm not sure after what you've put that there's much more to advise other than to keep sharing your feelings. I was 37 by the time I met my happy every after, it just comes at different times for different people. I have had my heart broken and have broken others' hearts. The positives that come from finding your soul mate later in life is that you have that experience and maturity and you know who you are as a person by then! So my advice would just be to NEVER tell yourself that love isn't for you or that you'll never find a suitable partner. I ended my last relationship of four years as I knew we just weren't compatible and did not truly love each other. There was no other man and nothing wrong with him at all, he was lovely. I felt really bad at the time as I was his third long term relationship and all of which the women had called it off. He was 43 and I think he felt a bit like there was no hope. But now he is 48 and extremely happy with his new partner, engaged and they have just had a baby (his first child). He now thanks me for having the strength to do what he knew was right but didn't want to face up to at the time. He is very happy and I am delighted for him.

[figureitout23]

wow...that advice...just...wow....

 

OPer, you did what so many do. Ignored every bit of advice about rebounds and went against your best judgement.

 

Its ok, you arent the first and you certainly wont be the last. It happens, were all human. But now you know and I think its safe to say you wont make the same mistake again, but to be sure, be single for a while. be comfortable with it, you'll be much less likely to make these dating mistakes if you arent just trying to fill a void.

 

Onward and upward. One day at a time. Youre gonna be ok.

[SenseCanada]

Kmart23 I respect your advice, but not everything floats every persons boat. I had a period in my life when I was heartbroken and tried to heal with sex and alcohol and party. It just made me a weaker person and I didn't have anything positive from the breakup in the end of the healing.

 

Yesterday I took a whole day off and went to the beach with some friends, ended up on a restaurant just eating amazing food and laughing. It felt good til I came home and had trouble to sleep. I was exhausted this morning but I was at the gym, continued with the healthy food and also this day passed.

Right before we left for our lite boys trip I saw her walking here in the neighborhood (yes we live pretty close to each other).

That feeling.... I haven't felt it for so long time, but I could remember it. The temperature in the body just raised and I felt food poisoned for couple of minutes. It's so interesting how a break up can make you feel ill for couple of seconds just seeing the person you cared so much about and had a vision to be with.

 

I'm still NC, no social media, no nothing.

Day after day is passing and I hope I will heal from this soon.

Last 2 days where the hardest for me so I hope I'm on the right way. The only thing running around in my head is myself trying to find a way to get rid of the pain.

But I know I can't find a solution for that, only time will help.

So I will continue taking care of myself and hopefully soon I will be a new version of myself.

 

I will continue to write here in this thread about my healing process now and then, thanks for your kind words. It really helps me so feel free to put in some more interesting stuff here so I can keep the healing going strong :)

[SenseCanada]

So today was a new day, I woke up early and hit the gym and had a nice day with my friends.I met her in the grocery store twice today and she was kind and small talked. I saw it was not 100% comfortable to meet me like that and I think she saw some of that in my eyes too. I tried my hardest, but it's hard when you know someone.

Nothing in the conversation was about the relationship. She said she was buying some food to fill upp the fridge at home and that she was going for a swim later.

We ended it and she also ended it because she was in a hurry.

I reacted pretty good and it didn't hit me so hard like the time I saw her 2 days ago before my roadtrip with my friends. I was pretty calm.

 

The only thing that popped up in my head was, should I initiate contact and maybe try to meet up? I had the feeling that it wouldn't be impossible.

My heart tells me to do that but my brain just tells me straight NO. She ended it right? The ball is in her hand if she wants to start the process of repairing something.

After talking with some friends it feels a little bit better. Im still tempted to right her a text but I can't. I think I will regret it after if she decides to neglect my invitation.

 

Oh it's so hard, but I'm still going strong and looking forward.

If she misses me I hope she has the fantasy and courage to arrange a meeting, if not, I will heal.

For the first time I feel scared because I'm hoping I'm not missing out by holding the NC so strict.

But at the same time I don't think I have a choice.

 

Sorry guys, I'm sharing my thoughts and whats running around in my head right now.

 

Take care and be strong.

We will take them in the long run.