Always coming second to his family

[DissyLu]

Just want to ask, how does his family treat you? Do they include you? Are they polite to you?

 

If they do include you that will help down the line

 

My bf's family always wants me over their house to the point where it feels intrusive. My bf's mom is a peach and loves me to death. His dad likes me too but he's is a total douche and I don't feel the least bit bad about saying that. He told me to go on a, "low calorie diet" in front of a whole dinner table and I'm not even overweight! The dude just seems hell bent on tormenting me every time I see him but claims in all in good fun. My bf is always very supportive of me though, thank god. I'm only seeing his dad on special occasions now, that's how bad his dad is, can't stand to see him

 

Sorry for the rant just wanted to let you know, if his family likes you, things will be that much easier. I just hope his family treats you well. Sometimes cultures can clash in terms of communication.

[crybabylmaoo]

Yes most of his family lives in South America, he moved here when he was 12. His family does include me, I don't see them regularly though, we usually just do like a family dinner when I can make it. But there's a bit of a language barrier with his parents so it gets awkward. I swear sometimes I feel like they're roasting me in Spanish but I can never quite tell. I can speak a little spanish but i'm still learning. His mom can speak pretty good english but his dad isn't that great with English he's lowkey lost a lot of the time lol but he tries. His sister and I are the same age so we have a lot in common, we get along fine. His sisters fiance, we basically just say Hi and Bye lmao he's not very talkative. But yeah they all treat me fine, it was actually his moms birthday on the 19th and my boyfriend said she wanted me there so I went and it was cute. Sometimes I feel bad because I can be pretty shy and it's not that I don't want to see them its just.. i'm shy lmao but I feel like they sometimes take it as disrespect or that i'm not interested in knowing them but i'm just not use to doing the family stuff that he does with them if that makes sense.

[DissyLu]

Yes most of his family lives in South America, he moved here when he was 12. His family does include me, I don't see them regularly though, we usually just do like a family dinner when I can make it. But there's a bit of a language barrier with his parents so it gets awkward. I swear sometimes I feel like they're roasting me in Spanish but I can never quite tell. I can speak a little spanish but i'm still learning. His mom can speak pretty good english but his dad isn't that great with English he's lowkey lost a lot of the time lol but he tries. His sister and I are the same age so we have a lot in common, we get along fine. His sisters fiance, we basically just say Hi and Bye lmao he's not very talkative. But yeah they all treat me fine, it was actually his moms birthday on the 19th and my boyfriend said she wanted me there so I went and it was cute. Sometimes I feel bad because I can be pretty shy and it's not that I don't want to see them its just.. i'm shy lmao but I feel like they sometimes take it as disrespect or that i'm not interested in knowing them but i'm just not use to doing the family stuff that he does with them if that makes sense.

 

It's perfectly ok that you're not used to family time. I'm not either.

 

As long as they see you're making an effort to become part of the family, you're probably fine

 

It takes time to get comfortable with people, especially an already established group like a family

 

Glad they treat you well

[HealingLight]

Realize that this may always be a problem but I'm glad you at least talked about it. When/if he reverts to his familiar behavior and cancels on you again, do not accommodate him if you have other plans. I would start to dedicate time with other people and hobbies you enjoy, and if he tries to last minute reschedule on those nights firmly tell him you already have your schedule for those days and you're available at X date. Don't do it to game play, do it because you deserve to have a full life where your time is respected. Part of why he got away with this for so long was because there were no consequences. He didn't have to value your time over theirs, or value it at all, really. I suspect with the baby that this problem will really be tested in the coming months. A relative of mine married a man whose family treats him like crap and he still drops everything at their beck and call and inconveniences my relative in upsetting ways--this seems to be ingrained in certain people if they don't establish good boundaries/need validation from people who never gave it to them growing up. Since you say he's kind of a pushover to begin with, lead by example of how you can overcome this tendency by not being a layover when it comes to your own time. He IS capable of saying no to ridiculous requests, he's just not comfortable or willing to do so, yet somehow is obviously too comfortable saying no to you. This needs to change if you guys are to have a viable future together.

[Annia]

I haven't read everything, just the first posts. Let me tell you that one of the things I hate the most is when people make plans with me and cancel last minute. If it's a one time thing is Its ok but if it's often it is total disrespect. And I don't care if those cancellations are compensated with a delayed date... It doesn't make out for the fact that the person is not trustworthy to respect time and arrangements and that this is how he acts in a relationship

I used to accept this from men but not anymore. We teach people how to treat us. If you're allowing this and there are no consequences for not respecting your time then you're teaching him that it's ok for him to do that.

 

You two don't seem all that much compatible and have different visions on family. This might make it hard to have an actual relationship with him as time progresses.