One Year Later.........

[Rosa]

Well, today is the day, in a day like today, my ex and I called it quits, and guess what.....I still feel love for him, even worse news, he's with another girl AND they are engaged.......yeah, life sucks, and then you die....can't believe he's getting married, heard the news two weeks ago, we spoke during this whole year, and I still felt a strong connection, and I know he did too, infact the flirting never stop, up until the day after valentines 2005 he still called me to say "hi", then 2 months later, HE'S GETTING MARRIED???, he knows we can't be friends, so for those of you who think he's trying to stay frieds???.......nahhhhhh!!!!! we had too much passion and sexual attraction something I've never experienced again, I'm now with a new B/F he's in love with me, I love him, but doesn't compare to what I had before, not that I live comparing him, I just compare the feeling of love that I would love to have once again, I wanna pick up the phone to call him, and see him, and find out for myself just by looking in his eyes if he is really happy, I know him, and I can't even imagine that he has what we once had with his Fiance, wow, just the word gives me the creeps, is this normal, should I still feel sad, I still miss him, a lot, when I have arguments with my b/f all I think about is my ex, and how "he has found the one" and I'm still having dumb fights with mine, I don't even think we are close to marriage, why did he find "happiness" so soon, when he was the "bad guy" in the relationship, I get the boot, picked my self from the ground, moved out, started all over, and this girl now got the best of him, and I'm still trying to move on......I feel that its so unfair, not trying to make myself the victim here either, is just that I can't understand why if the prhase is true ("what goes around comes around") why did it backfire on me, I feel like I should be the happier one, the engaged one, but i'm not, God, I feel like crap today..

[michelemybell]

I can totally relate Rosa. Same thing happened to me.

 

Your post reminded me of the actress Naomi Watts.

I was reading in the news about her and how she was going out with the actor Heath Ledger for a couple of years, and how they broke up because he was a player and didn't want to settle down and get married and have children. He kept on talking marriage, they were even moving in with each other, but he wasn't ready. Then, a couple months after they broke up, he started dating another actress (Michelle Williams) and now they are expecting a baby?! Talk about a slap in the face!

 

I think all you can do is try to look at it from this perspective---You said that you were the nice one in the relationship. Your ex was most likely a jerk. I think you're idealizing the relationship you had because it probably never got past the good stage for you. If the relationship had lasted, that jerky behavior would've become annoying and depressing for you, and you would've ended up like those old haggard women wondering what happened to your life and always trying to fix him. Blah!

 

I know it's hard to fathom it, but he would've brought you down. He isn't "better" than you (in fact, probably quite the opposite) but I think you've put him and his new relationship on quite a pedestal.

 

Since the same thing happened to me, I know it's hard to get out of that mindset. What truly helps is making your own life truly spectacular so his doesn't seem so great in your mind. It takes a lot of work to get there. But once you do, I'm thinking your ex will look at you and think that he is the dumbest fool ever to have let you go.

 

If your current boyfriend is an awesome guy, try really hard to put him more on a pedestal. And trust me, your ex is having those same "dumb fights" with his fiance.

 

By the way, that phrase is actually "what comes around goes around" and it has to do with karma. It will apply more to your ex than to you. If he was a bad guy in the relationship, I'm sure he has a lot of negative energy around him and eventually all of that will come back to bite him the butt.

 

One more piece of advice: You need to stop talking to your ex. No contact is the only way to get back into your own life and take him off the pedestal (in the process, he will wonder about you more and put you on that pedestal).

 

Anyways, I hope that helps a little bit!

 

Michele