love and being used. help

[goddess23]

hey everyone. well im starting to wonder if im being used and if im doing the right thing-again lol. my bf and i went out for 9 months, first relationsihpo for both of us. amazing, committed, loving. we were in love. then he went on vacation and came back "confused, needed time, and within minutes basicaly said it was over". i was heartbroken. i loved him very much and as much as i knew things could change i thought it would be a slow transition. not a big surprise. anyways, at first we were really tight, slowly drifted to something called aquiantences. it hurt a lot. but i told myself it was over despite little things. started to move on. anyways about 5 months after our breakup we started spending everyday after school together and flirting more than EVERRR. anways this went on for about...3 weeks. finally one night we had an online conversation discussing that we still liked eachohter but didnt want to get back into that cycle of waiting at eachothers lockers and all that bs that comes when you date someone IN YOUR SCHOOL. so we decided to take it slow...so after that conversation we would meet and what not about 1-2 times a week, and the making out was really intense. the first day we made out when he was leaving he told me he loved me. as much as i wanted to say it back i told myself dont say it because i just thought he doesnt know what hes saying. i responded with a laugh and "are you sure?". well later that night online i asked him if he meant it and he said i duno...it just slipped out. and that was that. anyways my first question concerning that is does something like that "slip out"? a lot of my friends were like well he probably said that later on because you didnt say it back and he didnt wanna sound like a loser. and they said stuff like that doesnt slip out. so my first question is: do you think it was real? second...now it was confusing, hot and cold but it got back on track. now the making out and sexual stuff has gone up, we are fooling around (no sex but ya). hes very caring and loving, really great in those situations. however, i feel as if in school we barely talk or anything. i mean we're in differnet grades (hes actually a year younger) but still i dont know im just starting to think hes just with me for the fooling around and doestn really care about me. i get conflicting msgs. so any advice there??? thanks everyoneee!!

[goddess23]

btw another thing is that i love him and i want to tell him that but im not sure if i should, any advice on that matter as well??? plz im really confused

[sonjam]

My suggestion is keep the "I love you's" till the relationship is more stable. To me (sorry if this is hurtfull) but it sounds like he's just looking for "Friends with benefits". If you are having a relationship with somoene, and making out, then you can definitely talk in the halls, smile and most of all let EVERYONE know you are together, which is not the case right? It's a secret?

 

He want's his bread buttered on both sides.

[arwen]

My feeling is the same as sonjam's. I'd advise you to step away from a non-committed form of relationship (like friends with benefits), to save you a lot of pain in the future.

 

If he would really want to get back together, I don't think he would say 'I love you' and later say it just slipped out.

 

Be careful girl,

 

Ilse.

[Cecelius]

If he was confused before, I strongly doubt that he's got his head together enough to have decided on a FWB arrangement.

 

That's not to say that he wants to have his cake and eat it too. Basically he has put you on notice that he doesn't want a full relationship but wants to be free to feel what he feels, and act on it. This is what people mean by "taking it slow."

 

If you are not okay with the current status, then I'd suggest that you either talk to him about it (with the risks that it sounds like a get-back-together ultimatim), dump him cold or date other people as you see fit.

 

It is though entirely up to you, and may matter at the tender ages involved, as to whether you continue being physical with him. If you are the kind of person who wants to hold that open only to a b/f and he really isn't, tell him so.

[goddess23]

hey thanks for all your replies. well btw, no its not a secret but its definitely not the way it was however thats not what i want. we do say hi in the halls and what not but its not like stop and talk and ya no? now i am scared about getting hurt but honestly we talk all the time about how this is a committed realtionship in the sense that it is very much exclusive. but yeah i realize that this isnt the PERFECT situation. and im really scared however i am happy with the current situation im not going to lie. this is the way i watned it and so did he. but yeah i mean does something like that slip out?? why would he say it? do you think it was really just a rush of emotions? do you think he siad later it just slipped out because of my reaction? or because that was the truth?