Help- Last Place?

[confused345678]

Hello All- First I would like to say I am deeply in love w my boyfriend, and I do feel he loves me as well. However, he seems to have a habit that hurts me. We are both divorced with our own children, both work, both lead very demanding, busy lives. We do not get to see each other very often, so our relationship relies heavily on texts or phone calls. Now i get when we are at work, we cant be texting or talking all day- completely understandable. But when he is home- I feel like every single thing comes before me. He has his kids 50% of the time- he pretty much completely disappears anytime he has them. Now before Im attacked for saying that- I am also a single parent and I have my children all of the time- I understand children and the need for quality time- ect. I love his children, but, I do call him or text and make time for him when i have my kids with me. i love my kids to the moon and back. i dont understand why he cant do the same. When he has his kids- Im forgotten. He is very social and goes out often- again, Im forgotten. Just a text saying 'hey headed out w friends or Im home safe' seems to be too much to ask- he just disappears. Even TV shows or sporting games come before me. I feel like he wants to text or talk when theres nothing else going on- then im good enough. i dont know if its on purpose i dont think it is. I hope its not. I dont want to argue with him. How can I approach this w him?

[jellybean2018]

Maybe just be honest with him?

 

The longer you hold it in, the more you will resent the situation. If you keep you're cool, don't go in defensive or attacking and just say how you feel... hopefully it will go the way you hope...

[confused345678]

tysm for your reply i truly want to say something but i dont want to come off as needy or nagging. i am much more "lovey" than he is- its just our personalities. we dont get to see each other much at all, i rely on our communication to feel the connection w him. it hurts me when i feel so left behind or unimportant. i dont know how to say it- im at a loss.

[jellybean2018]

As I see it you have two options...

 

continue to feel as you do and don't speak up... or speak up, then you know either way where you stand and can take things further from there?

 

Men sometimes just don't get stuff and once explained then get it, it could just be wires crossed situation, however if you're reaching out on a forum I think its come to a point where you need to take some form of action... you don't deserve to feel like this any longer.

 

Until you speak up, you won't know...

[DanZee]

Well, you didn't define your relationship for us. He only sees you occasionally. Could it be he considers it a casual relationship? Texting doesn't make a relationship. Too many people think they're dating when they're Snapchatting or Facetiming. Internet stuff doesn't count.

 

Secondly, guys don't have the mom skills like women do. You may be able to do it all, but having his kids 50% of the time as well as working can literally knock a guy for a loop. Women can go and go while a guy has to climb into his man cave and decompress for hours at a time to maintain his grasp on reality. A lot of women never understand this about guys.

 

So could it be that your bf just doesn't see the relationship the same way you do and that you're able to handle kids and family stuff better than he can? Something to think about.

[confused345678]

were definitely serious. its just w kids schedules and work schedules, its not possible to see each other as much as we would like. we both are on the same page with how serious we are for each other.

 

i think you are right tho about handling stuff- but still, this hurts me. im not asking for much here im very understanding of life obligations. i just wanna feel like a priority too.

 

tysm for the reply

[confused345678]

you are right i just dont know how to do it. he gets very defensive the last thing i wanna do is argue its not a "me" or.....job, kids, friends thing- i just want to feel as important to him as all those things. ive said things in a gentle way in the past and he gets defensive, so ive kept quiet but i do want to discuss it w him, but not fight :( i do love him very much it just hurts me when he disappears all the time

[MissCanuck]

How frequently and for how long does he disappear?

[confused345678]

sorry for the delayed response he does this all the time. when he does it, it will be for a night until usually mid-morning the next day. i know he must feel guilty bc then hes very talkative w me for a time. i truly do not believe hes cheating- its just when ever he has something else going on, im put on the back burner. its not just something else, i feel like its pretty much anything else.