please help.

bungalowone · April 28, 2005

I wish someone could tell me what to do and what's going to happen. i cant think about anything else....i havent talked to him in 7 days...since he broke up with me saying he feels differently and doesn't think we should be together anymore. we were together almost three years and have been together since the very first moment we saw each other...he said it was love at first sight...

he's going to be graduating college in a couple of months and i've been out for a couple of months...we were planning to move together when he was graduated...we had everything planned and he was doing a lot of the planning...

i had no warning signs...he just drops this on me...everything was fine...perfect...

we had broken up a couple of times before...once for a weekend and the last time for a month but that was almost a year and a half ago...both times he felt he was too young to be so serious with someone, etc.

why is he doing this? i can't accept he doesnt love me anymore...nothing he was doing suggested this up until the very moment he broke up with me...

i can't bare it...i hurt so much...i cant believe that im not supposed to be with him...i just can't accept it...he didnt even say much during the breakup...i told him i hated him and grabbed all my stuff and walked out...

please tell me he's coming back...i can't go on knowing he wont be back....

his frat formal is coming up and he even helped me pick out the dress and told me to take the day off work...and now i have to think about him taking someone else on that day...he says he doesnt have anyone else, but he'll at least have a date on that day...and it breaks my heart...

i even gave him a key to my place...and he was ok, he was like, this is a big step for us....

please just tell me he's scared and he'll come back...7 days of not talking to him are killing me...

lonelyangel · April 28, 2005

i can't tell u if he's gonna come back cause i don't knoiw... all the questions ur asking can only be answered by him.. sit and talk to him find out whats the prob.....if he vstill doesan't want to tell u then i sufggest u take some time for urself and think of wats best for u

superal · April 28, 2005

Hey girl, for me it sounds like he is scare of commitment. Probably he realized and remembered the promise of moving together after graduation. Maybe he changed his mind about this. But one advice. Don´t cling, don´t call him, or anything. Just one last time confront him and openly ask what´s wrong about it. If he doesn´t want to commit and you do, then is a big issue. Remember guys commit only when they are ready. So you have to make a decision for you own good. Be strong and after you have your answers, leave him. A man that won´t commit will just waist your time, will fool and use you.

Be strong, is painful, I´ve been there, but if this guy can´t keep a promise, you should seriously think he is not right for you.

codaaurora · April 28, 2005

I have a question, you guys were supposed to move in together after he graduates in a couple of months right? So when did you give him the key to your apartment? Was it a long time ago? Recently? His reaction tells me that it scared the ever living you know what out of him. That it really made him focus on where you two were heading.

The main thing that you have to keep in mind is that you can and will survive this, whether you two ever get back together again. I promise. I know, I've been there and it wasn't that long ago and I am surviving. I have my good days and my bad days, but it's slowly starting to be more good than bad.

You know, I read a letter posted on here not to long ago. It was beautiful and really helped me. I'm going to post it on the General Forum, look for it and read it. I'll call it "Healing Letter to Myself".

Let me know if you ever need any other advice. We are all here for one another.

bungalowone · April 28, 2005

i gave him the key maybe a week before he broke up with me. i guess im hoping he's just scared and will realize what he's missing out on and the future he's missing out on. im not strong enough to confront him...i've completely taken him out of my life because i dont know what else to do...i feel like im just waiting...waiting for him to come back...

i just dont know how he can be so open about talking about the future and marrying and everything...i never started these conversations, because i'm not ready for that either...i was just happy being with him...and now i dont have that...

i just hope he's scared...and now i'm scared too...that he won't come back this time.

codaaurora · April 28, 2005

So you gave him the key and a week later he broke it off with you. Do you see the common thread here?

He got cold feet.

I can't tell you if he's going to ever come back to you, only he can tell you that. If you can, talk to him about it. Ask him if that was what the problem was, tell him what you told us.....that you were happy just being with him. If not, then you need to understand that sometimes in life we just don't get the answers that we want. I should know.

In the meantime, start healing, do NC if you have to. But rediscover yourself and how happy you can be.

DN · April 28, 2005

It's possible he got cold feet but there are other possibilities as well. You said everything was perfect but usually when someone bails on a relationship they have been thinking about it for sometime. Cold feet could be it; and the fact he is graduating soon was the actual thing that made him split.

Your best bet is to assume he is not going to come back. Very hard to do, but you must start getting over him as soon as possible for your own well-being. You won't be able to do that until you get past the 'denial' stage of a break-up and move into acceptance. If he comes back you can decide what you want to do then, but don't count on it in anyway.

Good luck, I hope you will be happy again soon.

codaaurora · April 28, 2005

Your best bet is to assume he is not going to come back.

I agree with DN on everything except this one point. Never assume anything unless it's your last resort. If you are still able to talk to him, communication is always the best first step to anything. Try to talk to him, let him know that it's not about getting back together, but rather to just understand things better for your own peace of mind. If he can't or you can't, well, then you have no choice but to assume the worst and begin your journey to heal.

But remember, talking is always best. Then there can be no resentment and if you try to talk and he refuses for whatever reason (and remember that's his right) then you have your answer, even if it's not the one you were looking for or even wanted.

newts · April 28, 2005

This is horrible. You just have to remember, do you really want somebody back who keeps breaking up with you? Who is to say he wont do it again?

When breaking up it is very hard to come to terms with, especially when it is your first love. I have broken many hearts, which is something I am certainly not proud of by any means, those people moved on and are successful and very happy with their lives.

Whilst you think you can't stand the thought that he may not come back, things happen for a reason and maybe Mr Right is waiting for you around the corner.

I understand the pain you are going through, this is very normal when you are deeply in love with someone it's called seperation.

If it's possible try to stop moping around and start to spend time with your girlfriends and having fun or even watch funny movies, something that makes you laugh.

If this man is the one for you in the universal sense, he will come back to you. Just give him the freedom and let him go to university and grow up and then maybe when he has experienced life and more importantly when you have experienced life you may get back together.

Just try to picture this break up is for real and he is not coming back as that is the only way that you will be able to cope and move on from him.

Good luck and keep your chin up!

bungalowone · April 29, 2005

i just think about it every second...how he was with me...i keep replaying it over and over in my head...im not at peace with anything. i dont feel like it ended, but i cant talk to him. its been 8 days and he hasnt called, emailed...i feel like im going crazy.

i feel completely alone...all my friends are moving away or are already away...far away...my roommate moved out to live with her boyfriend and now i have to find a new place to live...alone...

this has completely thrown my life into a spiral...i just dont know how i can overcome this...

does anyone ever get back together and it works out? how long will i feel like it's a struggle just to breathe...i can't bare the thought of not talking to him...and i just feel like im waiting...waiting for something to happen.

i just keep imagining him with someone else...it's killing me. i'm not saying there is someone else...but if he doesnt think we should be together then he will have someone else....

i keep checking his away messages for something...i cant stop...i dont want to do it...what if one day i check it and he has someone else...

i have no control over this and it's killing me. everything was just so right...now i have to figure out where to go now....

codaaurora · April 29, 2005

You NEED to call him. You say you can't. Why? If for no other reason to atleast get some closure. If you cannot then you MUST begin the healing process.

There are no guarantee's in life. No one has a crystal ball that can tell you what is going to happen, some ppl get back together and it lasts forever, some get back together and it doesn't, some never get back together.

What you need to do is to start healing for yourself and your future relationships. Volunteer, Read, Write, Watch movies, Go out with Friends. Start doing whatever it takes to make you happy atleast once a day. Once you are able to think about your past relationship with him without dissolving into tears (like we all do at some point or another), then you need to start focusing on WHY it ended. Did you do anything "wrong"? Is there any behaviours that you need to work on to better yourself as an individual and a mate? Keep a journal at home. Write these thoughts down, re-read them. It will help you see your mistakes. By writing things down, our memory cannot distort our actions of the moment later on. This will give you an opportunity, days, weeks or months from now to look back and READ what you were thinking and feeling and seeing the possiblities in it. Seeing what you could or could not have done. Learning from the past that is vivid and right there in front of you, instead of a memory that your mind might have skewed in your favor.

If nothing else helps, come on here and post your feelings. We are all here for you and have walked in your shoes.

bungalowone · April 30, 2005

im so consumed by the hurt

it's been 9 days and i feel like im getting worse. i havent talked to him since it happened. i just keep replaying it over and over in my head...should i have said more...asked more? what am i supposed to do now...

he just said i dont think we should be together anymore, it just doesnt feel the same...like its been going downhill for awhile...but im telling you...he never acted that way....he was still planning for a future with me...it was going to be me and him moving away to start a future together...

i asked if he was scared about that and that's why he's doing this...he said no...

the worst part is i asked if he could imagine his life without me and he shook his head yes...

can this really happen...can someone just one day decide they dont feel the same anymore after three years...

i feel like i've given him my whole heart and i dont know how to get it back...

now i dont even talk to him. im afraid if i call he'll just say the same thing again...i just am having a hard time accepting he fell out of love with me...i feel like im trapped and i dont know what to do...is no contact really what im supposed to do?

i just dont know how to go from planning our lives together to me just figuring out what will get me through the next few hours...

im incredibly sad...i knew he was the one for me after our first date....can it be meant to be if we've broken up three times....he did the breaking up and then came back....i just can't let go of this and accept that he doesnt feel the same about me anymore...

bungalowone · April 30, 2005