Please help me! I need to get my love back

[nychick]

i have been with my boyfriend for 4 years and a couple months, lately for the past two years we have been breaking up and then making up but this was due to fights. But last week was different he broke up with me and we had no fight that came to quite a surprise to me he said that i was not his type and i'm not the girl he sees for his future and he does not want to waste time and play mind games with me (he only is 21) i was devistated i was crying my eyes out I know no girl is involved and he dont have his eye on any girl its about his feelings and what he wants in life. but he is making a big mistake i am the right girl for him and i am his type i know it and i know he feels the same way but we just get into so many fights that he forgot how it feels like to like me and have feelings for me. we have a lot of chemistry, im in denial of us having no chemistry like he says we dont becasue thats ridicoulous i know we do and so does he because i see how big his smile is when he is with me and how much attention he gives me when we are hanging out with him and his friends there are so much more reasons why i know we have chemistry together and am his type of girl that he wants! but we fight a lot in order for him to see it! i love him more than i love myself .im telling myself that he is just confused and it's my job for him to realize that he is making a mistake. Since we broke up we still talk on the phone everyday HE calls me like 4 times a day (i dont call him) and we have convos and this weekend we will see eachother since our breakup i told him that the reason why im still talking to him is because im going to get him back no matter what it takes for me to do and he says ok i jsut dont know if he meant ok as in whatever you say or ok as in i should try. please tell me what i should do in order to get my love back? I NEED HIM BACK IM DESPERATE!!

[goddess23]

STOP lol. im sorry but right now the best thing to do is get whatever answers you can and focus on moving on. put your mindset to the setting "its over" even if its not. you need to treat this current relationsihp like one of ex bf/gf or just friends because right now thtas what it is. he is confused. maybe he just needs time, maybe he knows what hes doing. whatever the answer the best thing to do is to give him space and let him sort out whatever it is hes going through. and focus on moving on. that way if it is really over you dont need to spend the next 6 months thinking "maybe theres a chance" trust me i recently went thru it! this way you can help yourself. give yourself some time your single!! i know you love him but lets be honest--you guys are young and theres no need to commit yourself like this. just relax, take a deeeep breath and tell yourself your worth more. you love him he was amazing and you will always hold him close in your heart but at this point its the past and now its time to move on. if you guys have been off and on like this with constatn fights hes probably right by syaing you guys arent right for eachtother. the chemistry i doubt is the problem but the constatn fighting is something. just step away. dont ignore him but slowly distance yourself if possible to the point where you guys dont act like a couple but just friends. and later on if he tells you something or sends signals then great but its over. you are single. and its time to put you mind set to its over and now you need to move on. PLZZ TRUST ME HERE

[DN]

I agree with goddess largely but ... if you do get back together, stop fighting and start communicating properly. If you both spent half as much energy trying to please each other instead of fighting you may still be together. Learn how to negotiate and compromise, to see the other person's point of view, to talk calmly without rancor or harsh words.

[Mun]

Ok girl your love sounds more like an obsession that love and I can tell you right now THAT is not going to help you get him back. You say you are desperate and you love him more than you love yourself...all of this is a recipe for disaster.

 

I don't think any good man would want a woman who will forget herself and make him her everything. Come on girl. You matter too and the sooner you realize that the sooner you attract him to you again.

 

You say he still calls you all the time. Well that's a good thing. Try relaxing a bit and treating him in a calm manner, as if you are talking to your best friend. Instead flirt with him and be a bit "light" If he still wants to be around you then most likely he still cares for you.

 

Don't ask constant questions about if you are getting back, does he want to be with you.. etc (that will just lead to more fighthing). In a relationship you have to pick your battles. Be smart about that. You want to show him you are the same girl he fell in love with.

 

Now-- what were the fights about?