Dumped by my employee - How to handle NC?

[DoneWithU]

My girlfriend dumped me about a month ago and jumped right into her next relationship, more than likely she had met the new guy before dumping me.

 

Neither of us were perfect, we've both got issues and I'm no prize, but it was always nice to have someone there for me and to help out in this crazy world.

 

I'm struggling and it's painful and it's everything everyone else here has to deal with, but I'm also the boss at a very small company that she works for. (2 employees, my sister and her)

 

Long story short we were together for almost 3 years, both divorced with kids, she has three I have two. We all lived together but I kept my house as a place to go for quiet. She has her kids 100% of the time, I have mine 50/50.

 

I'm not going to fire her but it's painful as hell seeing her every day. It makes NC a bit difficult.

 

Any suggestions on how to handle this one?

[RedDress]

In my opinion, the best scenario is if she chooses to leave the job of her own accord. Of course, you need to be very careful in this situation because you can’t fire her and if you try, I’m pretty sure you can get yourself sued.

 

First, I would take an hour and go see a lawyer to get advice.

 

But - not being a lawyer - I would say that you should ask to speak to her about personal stuff - not during work hours and not in the office. Go for coffee or something if you can.

 

When there, in your shoes, I would just put it out there. That you are sad that the relationship ended and that you are having a really hard time seeing her all the time at the office. Make it really clear that you aren’t going to fire her or anything - and that you understand that she needs the job for her livelihood and her kids - but ask her what the two of you can do to make it less awkward. Ask how she sees things unfolding in the future. Ask whether or not she is thinking of getting another job.

 

I mean, this can also help you professionally. If you know she’s looking, you can also start to look for her replacement.

 

You really need to walk the line, though. You need to make it clear that you value her as an employee and will be professional about it... but as an ex, it’s really hard. Hopefully she is an empathetic person and has thought about all this...

 

... but I really would consult a lawyer before having that conversation. They can better tell you what you can and can’t say.

[DoneWithU]

Even sadder, she makes me a good deal of money and I'd hate to loose the income. Someone else posted 23 ways to deal with a breakup this morning and one was taking her off the pedestal and writing down some of the issues I had with her. That really helped. I may be more blinded by jealousy than love. The list of negatives was pretty long. Like a lot of you I'm just worried about being lonely and not being able to find anyone else to love me.

[James3270]

"I'm not going to fire her"

Why would you? Because she broke it off with you? Try explaing that in court at the wrongful termination suit. And even worse now is if she isn't performing well at work and you have to warn her or write her up, she's going to try and drag this into it.

 

All you can do is try to separate work and personal life. I know that's going to be tough. Only speak to her at work about work and work only. If she brings up something personal, let her know that this is not the time or place. If she is or starts to have problems, document EVERYTHING.

[DancingFool]

Whatever you do, do not speak to her about her work plans unless she comes to you and hands in her resignation letter. Anything at all that you say, even with the best of intention can be easily used against you as creating a hostile work environment or trying to force her out by getting her to quit.

 

Unfortunately, since you are her boss, you will have to deal with this pain privately and not bring it to work or to her at all. Yes, write all the things that were wrong. Maybe start a journal if that makes you feel better. Also, stop focusing on what she is doing and with who and start focusing on your own life - friends, hobbies, make some new ones, go on a short trip if you can. Basically, start living your life and doing things for yourself that make you feel good so you can start processing the fact that your life is actually good without her. When you get busy living and having fun, jealousy fades right out as your focus changes to positive things in your own life.

[DoneWithU]

Thank you, this forum is an invaluable resource and a lot less expensive than therapy. I really do already feel a lot better after just three days here. Just got back from the Doctors Office and my pharmacy will have a bottle of Lexipro waiting for me in a few hours.

 

I'm going to paint my living room tonight and tinker on an old Porsche that's been sitting in my garage for the last three years with mechanical issues.

 

Thank you all again, it really helps having people to chat with.