UPDATE: Have the same group of friends, and I ended our friendship with her

[OKK]

Hi folks!

 

First and most, I would like to thank you guys, specially those who helped me get through this mess.

 

A bit of background: Met this girl at my University. Instantly clicked, turns out she was leading me on. I tried to kiss her and she pulled away. Basically got rejected, decided to move on but she never stopped texting me. She was polite and at times still continued to lead me on. She was never straightforward with me so I decided to call her. I managed to get a coffee date with her. But then I cancelled our first date and the reason why I did it was because I wanted to see if she would initiate contact with me and ask me herself for the coffee date.

 

If you guys want to read more to what she did, you can check this out by searching for this post: She postponed our date because her friends were coming from France ?

 

 

Back to reality:

I won't deny that it has been hard the past week and even the past month. As a guy I always like to play it safe and approach only women that have some sort of interest in me. That is the safest way. Yet for the first time ever in my life, I became victim to a woman who gave me mixed signals and when I made the move I was turned down.

 

She was clear on her side too after we spoke on the phone. She said, I would love to meet you but would never do anything with a coworker. To me it sounded like, that maybe if she gets to know me, she might even change that thought of hers. She never mentioned that we are just friends or she is not just interested in me at all. I wished that she was a bit more direct with me because she on her part kept leading me on and further told me on the phone that she resisted kissing me even though she wanted to but just had this rule of hers that no dating or hooking up with coworkers. I simply told that her rule is a complete BS!, and the reason why I said this was because we are not coworkers and are just students.

 

After cancelling the date, I asked her to reschedule since she couldn't meet during the evening times and also had some female friends coming from France that were going to stay at her place for 5 days. She told me that she would be pretty much free next week (this week). I replied back to her saying, Great, you have my number, shoot me a text or give me a call and we will figure about it from there. After her friends left (on Tuesday), she started texting me but it was all regarding University work. She never texted me in those 5 days as she used to text me a lot and we used to chat a lot as well. By that time I started to realize that she is just not interested in me.

 

After having been on this forum, I was told that she is not interested in me and is only using me to boost her ego since every one likes to have a fan around. I waited patiently for her text and never initiated contact with her.

 

Yesterday she finally texted me regarding our meetup: ''I have been super busy and completely forgot about the coffee. I just remembered as I saw you down the corridor. Are you still up for that friendly coffee ? :)''

 

I replied back: Hi! I think we shouldn't meet. I think you completely misunderstood me on the phone the other day as I am not interested in you as a friend and I never was. I can't pretend to be a fake friend as this won't be fair to neither of us because in reality all I wanted to do was to date you but I might never get that chance and I realize it. Don't get me wrong, I respect everything you said and I hope you also respect my decision. And hey! if you ever become interested, you can give me a call, I'd love to see you again. Take care :)

 

She reads my message and without any hesitation replies: Sure no problem, see you around :)

 

Me: I wish you all the best in your life and good luck in your thesis! :)

 

Her: You'll still see me in our department ! And thanks same goes to you :)

 

Me: Na I won't :)

Unfriended her after this.

 

That was my story with her. What hurt me the most was her reply. She might be thinking that I never cared about her but for once I decided to take matters into my own hands and end this friendship because I perhaps cared way too much. I was emotionally losing track of time and today after I heard her laughing and chatting across the corridor at our University, I was completely devastated. For her, I never meant anything and it saddens me that for the first time I never tried to approach a girl just based on her looks but based on her personality for which I was sold...

 

Now the problem is that we have the same group of friends! How should I react ? I mean today, I was fine since she wasn't there. But now my group is planning on going out for dinner and bowling. Something that she herself also arranged with another common friend of mine. Should I go or should I avoid this ? I mean she doesn't even care about me at this point and is just living her life at the fullest whereas I feel like that I have been run over by a bus.

 

I lost her yesterday, she was unique in every other ways, its a shame that she never got to know me and this might be the only thing I might regret about.

[Minikimini]

Right now, I vote for passing up on things until the sting isn't quite so intense.

[OKK]

Right now, I vote for passing up on things until the sting isn't quite so intense.

 

I just can't believe that she never even tried to save our friendship and without any hesitation gave up on it. That is what I wanted anyways but I just thought for once she might care... It hurts no denying that and for the people who said that I just saw this entire thing as a competition, well here you have it, I am completely devastated and heart broken.

[Minikimini]

Her idea of saving the friendship is to wait on you to keep taking the initiative while she can't arse herself.

 

But if, as you say, she's been giving you mixed signals this whole time, then you willingly decided to ignore that for getting what you wanted with her when she wasn't the one to be throwing in with in the first place.

 

In the future, any chick who isn't 100% on board with you from the get go? Kick her to the curb and keep it moving. Don't waste months of your youth on anyone who is wishy-washy, disinterested or semi-disinterested.

 

If she isn't down, dismiss her.

[1tym]

I disagree to a certain point. I would go. Only to show her the rejection didn't hurt you at all and that you are completely fine with everything and that you can move on as well as showing her the rejection was nothing to you.

 

If you can not control your emotions when you are near her I would not go but not going tells or confirms one thing only. She made the right choice on rejecting you. You have the same group of friends, so why show her that she can control you on how to live? Go, have fun be yourself. If you have to talk to her at some point or engage some interractions because of the group event then be brief, quick and short in your answers. You are there to have a good time and not there to try to get her to convince you. You have to have that mindset that they are your friends too and you will not give that up just because she said no to you. So have that mind set and go. Do not initiate any contact or conversation. If she comes up to you, any questions asked to you, keep it friendly not mean, keep it short not rude and go on about your business. You are there for you and your friends not for her

 

If you can not do that then do not go. But at some point you will have to interact with your friends when she is there. Eventually anyways

[OKK]

I disagree to a certain point. I would go. Only to show her the rejection didn't hurt you at all and that you are completely fine with everything and that you can move on as well as showing her the rejection was nothing to you.

 

If you can not control your emotions when you are near her I would not go but not going tells or confirms one thing only. She made the right choice on rejecting you. You have the same group of friends, so why show her that she can control you on how to live? Go, have fun be yourself. If you have to talk to her at some point or engage some interractions because of the group event then be brief, quick and short in your answers. You are there to have a good time and not there to try to get her to convince you. You have to have that mindset that they are your friends too and you will not give that up just because she said no to you. So have that mind set and go. Do not initiate any contact or conversation. If she comes up to you, any questions asked to you, keep it friendly not mean, keep it short not rude and go on about your business. You are there for you and your friends not for her

 

If you can not do that then do not go. But at some point you will have to interact with your friends when she is there. Eventually anyways

 

Its time to get my brothers R8 on the road and probably take a hooker along if I do plan to go there. At least she would give me company....

 

I mean jokes aside, I am really heart broken over this. I really liked her and she was just not interested in me. So why play all the games and not be direct and straightforward. Only she could tell but its over now and I agree you are right. If I don't go and don't even show her that I am happy even without her, what's the point of me ending the friendship in the first place.

[OKK]

Her idea of saving the friendship is to wait on you to keep taking the initiative while she can't arse herself.

 

But if, as you say, she's been giving you mixed signals this whole time, then you willingly decided to ignore that for getting what you wanted with her when she wasn't the one to be throwing in with in the first place.

 

In the future, any chick who isn't 100% on board with you from the get go? Kick her to the curb and keep it moving. Don't waste months of your youth on anyone who is wishy-washy, disinterested or semi-disinterested.

 

If she isn't down, dismiss her.

 

Lesson learnt. Believe me, I won't go near a woman for a couple of months now

[1tym]

Its time to get my brothers R8 on the road and probably take a hooker along if I do plan to go there. At least she would give me company....

 

I mean jokes aside, I am really heart broken over this. I really liked her and she was just not interested in me. So why play all the games and not be direct and straightforward. Only she could tell but its over now and I agree you are right. If I don't go and don't even show her that I am happy even without her, what's the point of me ending the friendship in the first place.

 

Because you have other friends????

 

So you are going to avoid your other friends every time she is going to be there??? This is your plan???

 

This wasn't even a real relationship.

 

This is not game I told you what you should do for you and not for her to see. She is just going to be there. You started avoiding her then what?? You are going to keep doing that your entire life? I bet you that if you go, you don't pay too much attention to her and started having fun without her but she is there you will learn everything is OK. You'll have fun with your friends and you will feel better when you get home because that rejection was nothing.

[OKK]

Because you have other friends????

 

So you are going to avoid your other friends every time she is going to be there??? This is your plan???

 

This wasn't even a real relationship.

 

This is not game I told you what you should do for you and not for her to see. She is just going to be there. You started avoiding her then what?? You are going to keep doing that your entire life? I bet you that if you go, you don't pay too much attention to her and started having fun without her but she is there you will learn everything is OK. You'll have fun with your friends and you will feel better when you get home because that rejection was nothing.

 

Completely agree with you. I shouldn't forget about my friends. I will be there for them and not her and just like you said I will be polite but would never initiate with her.

[Minikimini]

Completely agree with you. I shouldn't forget about my friends. I will be there for them and not her and just like you said I will be polite but would never initiate with her.

 

The reason why I said to not go is because the sting is too fresh for you and you can't count on yourself to be able to be indifferent enough without it looking put on or like a show/effort... If this post was about 3 weeks old, then I'd say the worst of the sting is over. This is just a move to hook you back in because you're going because of her, not because of your friends.

 

But hey--some folks have to fall in head first in order to learn...

[1tym]

The reason why I said to not go is because the sting is too fresh for you and you can't count on yourself to be able to be indifferent enough without it looking put on or like a show/effort... If this post was about 3 weeks old, then I'd say the worst of the sting is over. This is just a move to hook you back in because you're going because of her, not because of your friends.

 

But hey--some folks have to fall in head first in order to learn...

 

I also said that if you couldn't do what I said then you shouldn't go. It is even worse when you are putting on a show because of her and trust me she will know. You really have to be emotionally stable for this route to be taken, but only you know you, so go do you.

[catfeeder]

I managed to get a coffee date with her. But then I cancelled our first date

 

So you jerked her around, and when she didn't respond the way you wanted, you're all devastated? That makes no sense. Games backfire. You've obsessed and projected your emotional stuff onto her, and she doesn't carry the same emotional weight--because she's not the one obsessing.

 

You've created your own problem. You get to decide whether to hold onto it or let go of it.