breakup or a break?

[TNAA]

So here it goes, i've known this girl for some time, then we started hanging out like 3 months before finally getting toghether.

 

We had good times , we have the same "mind" so to speak , our only problem is getting enough "us" time , mainly because of her parents being too strict. So when she does get to go out she sometimes wants to be with me and sometimes with her friends ( nothing wrong in that) but i feel like 60% is with her friends and 40% with me and i think i should be a priority(maybe i m wrong).

 

Now we had a few discussions about that recently so she now decided to have a break She said , i quote : " i need some time to think what she really wants because she feels i pressure her" and she thinks the compatibilty is not like she tought would be.

 

I said , ok , let 's have a break, but then she says " and you should think too about what you did wrong and not do it again if you want to be toghether again in the future"

 

Now the real question is , did she said this as a breakup or she will comeback and said this so i would correct myself ? * i did ask her that if she already thinks we should breakup don't postpone it with a "break" *i know she's a straight arrow for these things but ..you know how these things are

 

Thanks

[Keyman]

My general line of thinking is that a break is the beginning of a breakup. It is an easy step out of it. Few relationships resume again afterwards and those that do, do not last that long. This is especially the case when they say, 'we can get back together when you [do sometimes, fix something, etc...'

 

Let her go, but yes, look back on the relationship and learn from your mistakes so you do not take them forward with you.

[1tym]

Take it as a break up. Start moving on. She needs time to think. Most of the time I would say thinking about you and someone else. Though in this scenerio its more along the lines of the needs to time to think about you and what you potentially could be but during that time she wants to see other people.

 

Good luck

[Wiseman2]

Sorry to hear this. What is it she thinks you did wrong, that caused the breakup? It sounds like you were getting possessive and pressuring her and creating conflicts with her regarding her parents and her friends. It's a breakup, not a break. Feel free to date other girls.

So when she does get to go out she sometimes wants to be with me and sometimes with her friends ( nothing wrong in that) but i feel like 60% is with her friends and 40% with me and i think i should be a priority. she says " and you should think too about what you did wrong and not do it again if you want to be toghether again in the future"

[11moreweeks]

60% friends 40% partner does not sound like a bad ratio at all. Many couples are happy with only spending 10% of their social time with each other. To be honest, 40% partner even seems pretty high. It is possible to be a priority without being an absolute majority. For example, if I had 10 people I hang out with during the course of a month, including my partner, and if I spend 100 hours hanging out with people that month, then if I spent 40 of those hours with my partner, that seems like plenty. Maybe I spent 20 with a specific group of 3 friends, 25 with 1 particularly close friend, 40 with my partner, and a 1-5 hours each with the other 5 people, then I think it's clear that my partner was "the priority". Friends are not some singular thing.

 

Or even another example: Let's say I spend 200 hours in a month with friends or partner. I spent 30 hours on romantic dates or very-fulfilling adventures (which take some pre-planning and effort) with my partner, 80 hours taking a class with one very close friend, 50 hours doing basically nothing (just passing time) with a larger group of friends, another 30 doing basically nothing with a few specific friends, and 10 hours doing "very-fulling adventures" with other friends.. then I still think my partner was the priority. It's not just time quantity; quality also matters. And quantity is not as simple as "individual vs the world".