A question for anyone who left to be alone...

[2clueless]

I have a question for all those who have broken up with there SO to be alone.....

 

Why do you make promises of a future when you really don't want one !

 

What I guess I am trying to say why would you mislead your partner to believe something that is not going to happen ? So it hurts more ?

 

My ex-BF would always bring up the future and say we were meant for each other, that he was happier with me than he ever has been etc.. and he would also tell this to other people voluntarily.

 

He was also the one to always bring up Marriage and making future commitments .. not me !! So what I am wondering is, why would you do that ...if you have no intention of following through..

 

I mean I can understand agreeing with someone to keep the peace until you have had time to mull it over in your head and make a decission whether or no to stay.. but to be the instigator in bringing up the long term and inforce that we would be together forever and grow old etc...I really do not understand !!!!

 

If anyone has any answer please help.. I am dwelling on this fact and can't seem to move on and I need too !!!!!!!

 

[Heretic]

I honestly don't think they mean to hurt you. The reason most people leave to find themselves is so they don't hurt you. They are afraid that when things get more serious they will find you're not the right one or that they will need to find themselves then.

 

Just be glad you bf left before you had kids and were married. Who knows he might come back. I pretty sure he had (at the time) every intention of following through with the commitment.

 

I can't speak for everyone but I know people who have done this, find themselves, return, make-up and get engaged.

[smiles314]

hey 2clueless!!!!

 

I have been in the same situation.. My ex was the instigator too...he would be the way making the relationship move as fast as it did. And after being away from each other for a month..He decided that he couldnt handle it anymore- and he just didn't want a girlfriend as simple as that- he had too much stress in his life..

 

DId ur ex just simply say he was looking to find himself? or just want time alone? I often wonder the same questions you do. Maybe they are scared. Maybe they feel that they really might commitment with you and aren't ready yet to be so serious. Maybe they feel that they could very well have a future with you= but they are scared of that and they feel they need timeout before it becomes that serious. I dont know just guesses really. But i think it has something to do with being afraid. Are you guys semi-young ? or at the age to become more serious? I have heard guys say, maybe we got together at thewrong time and our paths shall cross again, or its meant to be we will be...

Cant say I believe that though.

 

-GL

[afterd]

Hey,

I'm in the same situation. I just believe so much that there is something there and then to just have her not see what I see, my gf is 22 though and I am 30. I know she needs to find herself I just wish I could go into the future and see how things were going to go. Hm

[Jitrenda]

Well...maybe he did have every intention to follow through with the things he did say. I know i wanted to marry my ex and wanted to have his kids and spend the rest of my life with him and i told him this on occasion and told him that i believed he was the one for me. I broke up with him b/c he treated me bad. I did intend to follow through on my part...but he was too young and not ready for marriage or kids for that matter. If we by chance meet in the future and he has grown up and maybe changed his ways..(and if i haven't met someone way better...though i have a feelin i will)...i will make good on all the stuff i said. I believe at the time he meant it...really truly...i just think that maybe he was not ready to burden you with what was going on with him...most couples break up b/c of that...b/c they are afraid the other cannot handle their troubles...or for the simple fact that they cannot. He meant them at the time...but some things change. Maybe he will come back after some serious soul searching. Just try and move on and pray really hard and be patient until then!

 

Good Luck!

[pcardoso]

I understand what you're feeling right now, because I've been there too.

During the time we were together, my ex-bf also made great plans. He was the one who began to talk in living together, start to talk in having children, etc…

On the night we decide to give some time (after he told me he wasn't feeling well), he said me crying to never doubt on his love and that I was the woman of his life (and I think he was telling the truth). Two days later, by phone, the speech was different – the relation ended and "there will be no more us".

Six months later, I still have to much questions without answer but I think now I can understand his actions – it was after tell him he hurt my feelings, he started saying he didn't deserve me and so on. He was with a depression and I think due to his love with me he couldn't stand to see me suffer. Of course, it doesn't help to much, because loved and love him and wanted to stay and help him in that moment. But it was his decision.

At least, it's my reading of the facts.

 

Now things are very different. He has a new girlfriend (since March) and I'm herem still much in love with him. It hurts but I know I have to move on. Perhaps we weren't to be together or… this wasn't the time and in the future we'll meet again.

Right now, I can't do anything besides taking care of myself and that's what I'm trying to do.

[mike2win]

hey.. i'm in the same situation too... my bf left me because he said he's too young to be involved in a long term relationship (even though we were together for a year) and he wants to be totally free to meet more people... but i know he's not really looking that hard, he's pretty much staying by himself...

last winter, he asked me to move in with him... he was so looking forward to it... he'd also talk sometimes about children... and when i didn't spend as much time with him he'd ask me to come over... we were together pretty much every evening...

then, a couple months ago he said it would be better if i found my own place... that happened at the same time as he started seeing some new friends who also happen to be single and pretty much running around and flirting with every girl they see... so i'm thinking maybe they put it into his head that he was too young (20) to be in a long term rs... he told me he wished we could have met 5 years later when he was older and that he still loved me as much and maybe he'd wake up in a day, week, month... and realise he'd made the biggest mistake of his life...

so i dont really know what he's thinking... why he changed his mind all of a sudden...

it's been a month now and i was doing so much better but right now i'm having a relapse... i just wish he'd be here again... but i guess that will pass also...

michelle