valavoo Posted April 7, 2018 Share Posted April 7, 2018 I have no idea whether to post this in LDR or GBT so I just flipped a coin, haha. Suppose you and an ex started being together in person --> went long distance --> broke up while long distance...and then decided to get back together long distance. Suppose this is a manageable distance within the same timezone and country. We already know the basic rules for trying to make things work a second time around. But how does that change with distance? What are the nuances to look out for and how can one foster that same 'let's make it better this time' energy when there's distance between you? Keep it general please! I just want to hear some basic thoughts. Link to comment
MissCanuck Posted April 7, 2018 Share Posted April 7, 2018 I think it would largely depend on why you broke up the first time. But consistent and open communication would be even more important when you can't see each other in person. Establish when you'll be able to visit each other. Think about how you'll resolve conflict when you're not in each other's presence. Also, consider when and how you'd be able to close the distance. Link to comment
valavoo Posted April 7, 2018 Author Share Posted April 7, 2018 Oh? Why do you think it would depend on why you broke up the first time? Any examples off the top of your head you could think of? Perhaps aside from the obvious one of cheating. Link to comment
MissCanuck Posted April 7, 2018 Share Posted April 7, 2018 Oh? Why do you think it would depend on why you broke up the first time? Any examples off the top of your head you could think of? Perhaps aside from the obvious one of cheating. Because I think any reconciliation needs to happen with the understanding that whatever broke you up the first time will be addressed more carefully the on the second attempt. Add in distance, and reconciliation is likely to be harder, whatever the cause was. Distance brings a new set of challenges all on its own. Both people need to be fully committed to making it work, especially if there are lingering problems from the past. Link to comment
boltnrun Posted April 7, 2018 Share Posted April 7, 2018 I remember you really wanted to get back together, so it's great that it finally happened! Since the both of you are committed to making the distance work, the best thing is agreeing on communication and arranging how you will spend time together with visits, vacations, etc. Link to comment
valavoo Posted April 7, 2018 Author Share Posted April 7, 2018 Fffft okay admitting that this isn't actually about me - it's about a friend in a similar situation! I just made the forum post for them because I don't mind/was curious! I will talk about mine when I feel comfortable! Thanks for remembering me though Link to comment
Batya33 Posted April 7, 2018 Share Posted April 7, 2018 So my ex and I got back together and thought we would be long distance. Because of relocation we weren't for three months. Then we were for the next 3 months. We broke up for less than 24 hours at that point when I went to visit him. So, two things. When we got back together and knew we were going to be long distance we decided that day that we were together exclusively and to see if this time around we should get married. When we broke up for that one day we got back together by phone and we were just direct about wanting to be together. And we were. As far as making it work the second time around in general (when we first got back together) there was nothing really to analyze or interpret -we were both very different people, in a good way and from the get go we spoke by phone every day and saw each other around every 11 days. As far as "making it better" what made it better was our commitment to each other from the get go - that fueled our motivation and desire to make it work. We've been back together for almost 13 years, married for 9. Link to comment
valavoo Posted April 7, 2018 Author Share Posted April 7, 2018 So my ex and I got back together and thought we would be long distance. Because of relocation we weren't for three months. Then we were for the next 3 months. We broke up for less than 24 hours at that point when I went to visit him. So, two things. When we got back together and knew we were going to be long distance we decided that day that we were together exclusively and to see if this time around we should get married. When we broke up for that one day we got back together by phone and we were just direct about wanting to be together. And we were. As far as making it work the second time around in general (when we first got back together) there was nothing really to analyze or interpret -we were both very different people, in a good way and from the get go we spoke by phone every day and saw each other around every 11 days. As far as "making it better" what made it better was our commitment to each other from the get go - that fueled our motivation and desire to make it work. We've been back together for almost 13 years, married for 9. Hi Batya!!!Long time no see! Thanks for answering ;v; Link to comment
Capttrae Posted April 8, 2018 Share Posted April 8, 2018 You can talk things out but until y’all are in person not much you can do Link to comment
MissCanuck Posted April 8, 2018 Share Posted April 8, 2018 Fffft okay admitting that this isn't actually about me - it's about a friend in a similar situation! I just made the forum post for them because I don't mind/was curious! I will talk about mine when I feel comfortable! Thanks for remembering me though Why did they break up? Link to comment
valavoo Posted April 8, 2018 Author Share Posted April 8, 2018 Why did they break up? It was a situation of wanting to spread wings in college (not date others, just...not be dating anyone and focusing on friendships). They seemed unable to find the time to really commit to each other and balance that with friendships and didn't communicate their issues. Now it seems like they're willing to put in the effort again. This is just my basic understanding of it. Link to comment
MissCanuck Posted April 8, 2018 Share Posted April 8, 2018 It was a situation of wanting to spread wings in college (not date others, just...not be dating anyone and focusing on friendships). They seemed unable to find the time to really commit to each other and balance that with friendships and didn't communicate their issues. Now it seems like they're willing to put in the effort again. This is just my basic understanding of it. It's going to be a tough road, I think. They both sound quite young, and at least one of them didn't want commitment before. Couples that break up under such circumstances have a long way back to each other, but kudos to them if they can make it work. It's not easy. How long were they broken up before deciding to try again? Link to comment
valavoo Posted April 14, 2018 Author Share Posted April 14, 2018 Boop! Any last thoughts? Link to comment
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