Can I recover from making the worst breakup mistakes ever?

[Fabi83]

I was with my ex boyfriend for 3 months and we got too serious too fast. He told me he loved me and I def loved him. We even talked about a future together and I thought he was the one. We ended up calling it quits after our first fight, and agreed we both went too fast. After the breakup i became needy, clingy, and wouldn’t give him space. I just wanted to fix things and get back together and didn’t realize he was already moving on. He kept saying we would talk eventually but then we never did. Finally, after a few months I got tired of waiting and I showed up at his house unannounced to return each others things and hopefully talk. He barely talked to me and then proceeded to block me as soon as I left. I lost it and continued messaging him and he blocked me even more on everything. Finally, he picked up my phone call and told me we would never talk again, that I was acting crazy and stalkerish and he made a mistake in thinking we could be friends. I feel heartbroken and stupid... Will the shame of this ever subside? :( do people ever speak again after such a bad fall out?

[DanZee]

Your best bet is to block him on everything, don't look at his social media, and forget about him. If you run into him on the street, you can say hi but just continue on your way. It's not whether you'll ever speak to him again after breaking up, it's that you shouldn't talk to him until you heal. Not contacting him helps you heal quicker. And you have nothing to be embarrassed about. We've all done similar things after a break up.

[Wiseman2]

Sorry to hear this. What was the fight/breakup about? After only a few months of dating the lesson here is to go slowly and not get this attached to someone so soon. You may want to consider some therapy to sort all this out. It won't fix itself and next time someone may get a restraining order against you. You need to learn about dating and boundaries and what led to this obsession. Stay away from him. Do not attempt contact or showing up or anything thing else. When someone refers to you as "crazy and stalkerish", it's time to back off and reflect on those words.

I was with my ex boyfriend for 3 months and we got too serious too fast. I just wanted to fix things and get back together.Finally, after a few months I got tired of waiting and I showed up at his house unannounced. told me we would never talk again, that I was acting crazy and stalkerish

[SweetGirl28]

Anyone who is still annoyed at you months after a break up is not someone to keep going after. Ever.

He has made it clear he is done. Just leave him alone forever. Chances of speaking again don't seem to be

in your favor. Learn from this so as not to repeat these actions because doing so will annoy even the most patient of people.

[Morello]

Yes, you will recover from this. Even though it's understandable to act needy and clingy after a break up perhaps it's a good time for you to do some soul searching to find the reasons you acted that way. The 'going too fast' trait is probably from you trying to put everything into a relationship because life might not be going exactly where you want it to go in other areas. Speaking from experience... It might have somethng to do with attachment styles too. Sometimes we get so afraid do lose something or someone that we become paranoid and end up attracting that very thing we didn't want to happen. Them leaving.

 

But try not to blame yourself, like Danzee said we've all done stupid stuff during relationships and during/after break ups. Don't dwell, just think about it with one objective: to identify your mistakes and learn from them. Learning from a bad experience is the only way you can make it a not too bad one. And then if you work on yourself to improve you'll be in a much better position in your next relationship when the time comes.

 

I don't think you'll hear from him but it probably wouldn't do you any good anyway. It hurts now but at the right time you'll have to accept that we make some mistakes and some things can't be changed, some people will leave our lives forever at some point. Be friends with what you can't change and focus your energy on things you can.

[Fabi83]

Thank you for your comment. The fight started when he began being distant, whereas he was always calling me and texting me, he began pulling away at times. I tried talking to him about it but it never really got resolved. On Xmas, I messaged my ex a simple "merry xmas" and he somehow saw and got mad at me and put up a wall. I decided to give him some space and we ended up fighting. He told me he needed space to think and I got scared and ended it. He always kept saying we would eventually talk but then we never did. I tried so hard to go slow in this relationship, but he was the one who always kept calling, asked me to be his gf, talked about kids and marriage, and even gave me a promise ring. I got caught up and let it happen. But I agree that I had a real issue with boundaries this time around, I just wanted it so bad to work out in the end but I ended up making things worse and now I feel awful.

[Wiseman2]

Sorry to hear this. Walk away with dignity. 12 weeks of dating is not worth any of this. Relax and go slowly next time when you're ready to date again.

I lost it and continued messaging him and he blocked me even more on everything. Finally, he picked up my phone call and told me we would never talk again, that I was acting crazy and stalkerish and he made a mistake in thinking we could be friends.