Advice needed

[IPliskin]

Last week i went on a first date with this girl i "met" on a dating app.

She initiated contact and we chatted for some time, about a whole bunch of things. Eventually asking for a cup of coffee, we didn't meet up until a week later as i was super busy. Meanwhile we kept the conversation going, talking about a lot of different subjects.

 

She seemed like a nice and interesting person. Wasn't really shure what to expect of the date though, so i decided not to have any expectations. (As I don't have much dating experience). But when i finally met her i was swept away by her looks, which also made me even more nervous than i already was.

As we had coffee and chatted, i realised that she was in fact quite an amazing woman, and that we actually had a great deal of things in common. Like music taste, tv-shows, movies, opinions on the world, family issues etc. Like me she has also had some rough periods in her life, and she sounded a little bit lonely. I felt like i could relate to her problems. She was super natural, wich to me is very important, seemed to have a lot of the attractions and qualities that i look for. Plus she was sweet, honest, funny and seemed genuinally interested. Although there were some moments of silence, we managed to keep the conversation going for a great couple of hours, and also decided to have something to eat. Eventually we decided to go for a walk, wich was a little more awkward, as we didn't really know where we wanted to go.

 

As the date came to an end I knew that i definitely wanted to see her again, so i asked her if she wanted to get together again in the near future, and she agreed to. Happy as i was, when i got home she had sent me a message saying that she would like to get together again, but on a friendly basis, as she didn't feel much romantic spark between us. I replied that although i was happy about her not waiting too long to tell me that, i was hoping for more. But indicated that i was cool with it. I also know that she wouln't tell me that this soon if she wasn't sincere about.

She also said the she did in fact have a good time.

 

We have not been in contact since, and now a week has gone by. A really crappy week. I must admit, i was really blown away by this girl, and that is normally not something that happens to me that fast.

 

I know i came off from the nervous site. Wich of course is not too attractive. I'm kind of a shy and introverted guy, who is not usually out there meeting strangers in that way. I kind of feel that these things got in the way of something that could have potential for more.

 

I don't know what to do here. I have considered texting her, just to ask how she is, but dunno if it's too weird or inappropriate.

She really was a unique person, not like anyone i've met before, and i feel that a can't let her slip, she's just too good for that.

 

And it kinda sucks. You chat with someone for quite some time and talk about a lot of different stuff. It seems easy. You feel a connection. You get together, have a good time, and then it ends? That seems so weird and superficial.

[SweetGirl28]

I'm sorry but I'd let this one go.Youre not paying for a dating app to be put in a friend zone with someone.

You'll be attracted to someone else, just keep trying. Good luck :)

[katrina1980]

>>But when I met her, I was swept away by her looks....

 

^I think this is a big difference between men and women and how they experience "romantic chemistry."

 

For many men it's based on the physical, at least at first. And be honest, even with all the things you have in common, easy flow of convo, etc. had she *not* been quite so beautiful, would you be feeling this "swept away" about her?

 

For many women, it's more than just looks, it's deeper. It's a sort of "energy," it's intangible, not just based on looks, how many things we have in common, or easy flow of conversation.

 

In fact, in many cases, and is true for me, when I'm really "feeling it" with a man, there is a certain tension which "does not" allow for easy flow of conversation.

 

The guys I can talk with so easily and fluidly, with no nervousness and tension at all?

 

No chemistry, friendzone, no matter how hot he is or how many things we have in common.

 

Sorry, but my advice is do nothing unless you are ok with being just friends which I don't think you are..

[SweetGirl28]

>>But when I met her, I was swept away by her looks....

 

^I think this is a big difference between men and women and how they experience "romantic chemistry."

 

For many men it's based on the physical, at least at first. And be honest, even with all the things you have in common, easy flow of convo, etc. had she *not* been quite so beautiful, would you be feeling this "swept away" about her?

 

For many women, it's more than just looks, it's deeper. It's a sort of "energy," it's intangible, not just based on looks, how many things we have in common, or easy flow of conversation.

 

In fact, in many cases, and is true for me, when I'm really "feeling it" with a man, there is a certain tension which "does not" allow for easy flow of conversation.

 

The guys I can talk with so easily and fluidly, with no nervousness and tension at all?

 

No chemistry, friendzone, no matter how hot he is or how many things we have in common.

 

Sorry, but my advice is do nothing unless you are ok with being just friends which I don't think you are..

 

My goodness I swear it's because I left handed I'm all backwards!

 

I am the same as men when it comes to this. I need that intense physical attraction. Honestly what I love is eyes. All my exes, it was there eyes that caught mine. They are first thing I notice about a man. I need to want to stare into them.

I am guilty of not being interested without that physical attraction. And sadly, I know it's why my ex still contacts me. Did he ever see me as smart? A good mom? Not sure. Did I always hear "you're so sexy, you're hot, you're fun, ooh did I mention sexy?" Ughhhhh all the time. Still does. Like damn :( but then I'm the same freaking way. Even my guy BFF, he's perfect! Everything I want in a man. But there's no physical attraction.

[katrina1980]

I need physical attraction too, of course!

 

But it's not the predominant thing, and it's subjective,

 

I meet lots of extremely good looking men and feel nothing!

 

I used to work in entertainment industry in NYC and was surrounded by good looking men!

 

For me it goes deeper, an energy between us, hard to explain.

 

Same for many women I know and talk to, but we're all different.

[SweetGirl28]

I need physical attraction too, of course!

 

But it's not the predominant thing, and it's subjective,

 

I meet lots of extremely good looking men and feel nothing!

 

I used to work in entertainment industry in NYC and was surrounded by good looking men!

 

For me it goes deeper, an energy between us, hard to explain.

 

Same for many women I know and talk to, but we're all different.

 

Yes, physical attraction makes me interested, but it isn't enough to keep me interested!

I've met many handsome men with very bad character traits and then are just unattractive.

 

My guy BFF just got on me about this the other day. I didn't feel physically attracted to the guys he wanted to set me up with. Like it my fault? So he tells me I don't want a nice guy to respect me, I just want a hot guy. Like, um......no. Whyyyyyyy can't I have it all in one package?? I mean how are you supposed to get intimate with someone who you don't feel a physical attraction to? What's weird though is I've kissed hot guys and felt no spark. I think at this point my issues have too many issues and I'm just meant to be alone and wait for a guy to cross my path, just like the ex did two years ago. When I'm not looking, it finds me. And it's intense.

[Shorthaired]

It seems like you are blown away by how "hot" she is. She didn't feel the same which means that she is probably much better looking than you (sorry to be blunt).

 

As for ease of conversation, I talk the easiest to people I have no physical attraction to.

[SweetGirl28]

It seems like you are blown away by how "hot" she is. She didn't feel the same which means that she is probably much better looking than you (sorry to be blunt).

 

As for ease of conversation, I talk the easiest to people I have no physical attraction to.

 

Just curious, do you continue to see those people? Are these dates or just people in general?

I'm more apt to talk to people I find attractive. But I talk to everyone in general I'm a chatty person.

[katrina1980]

Yes, physical attraction makes me interested, but it isn't enough to keep me interested!

I've met many handsome men with very bad character traits and then are just unattractive.

 

My guy BFF just got on me about this the other day. I didn't feel physically attracted to the guys he wanted to set me up with. Like it my fault? So he tells me I don't want a nice guy to respect me, I just want a hot guy. Like, um......no. Whyyyyyyy can't I have it all in one package?? I mean how are you supposed to get intimate with someone who you don't feel a physical attraction to? What's weird though is I've kissed hot guys and felt no spark. I think at this point my issues have too many issues and I'm just meant to be alone and wait for a guy to cross my path, just like the ex did two years ago. When I'm not looking, it finds me. And it's intense.

 

No I get it, and this "energy" thing I am talking about is hard to explain really. It's very rare when it happens for me, but when it does, yeah it's usually pretty intense!

 

Of course there needs to be a physical attraction, but honestly, at least for me, when a guy and I are feeling that "energy" (which is a mutual thing) it can turn an "average" looking guy into the hottest, sexiest man who ever lived! To me.

 

I dunno, this is such a loaded topic, buy yeah looks are very important, not suggesting they're not.

 

Guy I am dating now, we met on line.

 

He's good looking, but NOT the best looking man who has messaged me and who I've interacted with, and met.

 

But HE is the one I felt (feel) the most energy with, which is why I am continuing to date him!

 

In fact, guy I met right before him was better looking, more charming, but with him I felt NOTHING.

 

Again, hard to explain, but hope this makes at least some semblance of sense!

[katrina1980]

 

As for ease of conversation, I talk the easiest to people I have no physical attraction to.

 

Same.

 

 

 

[Ten Characters]

[katrina1980]

 

I'm more apt to talk to people I find attractive. But I talk to everyone in general I'm a chatty person.

 

SG, to clarify, at least for me, finding a man "attractive" is very different from feeling "attracted to" him.

 

I find many men attractive, but don't have the slightest "attraction to" them.

 

Being "attracted to" a man, again runs deeper for me, that energy/chemistry which goes beyond looks or anything superficial really.

 

You know in reading your posts, has anyone ever told you that you think very much like a man?

 

Not just with respect to this but many things, which is probably a good thing in many ways, you're both able to relate to each other better.

 

I confuse the hell out of the men I date, but working on it!

[SweetGirl28]

SG, to clarify, at least for me, finding a man "attractive" is very different from feeling "attracted to" him.

 

I find many men attractive, but don't have the slightest "attraction to" them.

 

Being "attracted to" a man, again runs deeper for me, that energy/chemistry which goes beyond looks or anything superficial really.

 

You know in reading your posts, has anyone ever told you that you think very much like a man?

 

Not just with respect to this but many things, which is probably a good thing in many ways, you're both able to relate to each other better.

 

I confuse the hell out of the men I date, but working on it!

 

Yes! That's why I get along better with them I think! They have so much fun with me. My gf's look at me sometimes like ? Because they can be so judgemental and to me, backwards, they get upset over the dumbest things with their men and I defend them, because it's not them doing wrong! At least not in my mind. I'm a very confident person though, I don't get jealous of other females. Like, I'll point out an attractive woman to whomever I'm dating, omg my gf's literally hit their guys for even glancing lol

 

And yes, it runs deeper for me as well. There's men I think are attractive but I'm not attracted to because they are married, or a coworker, or I don't know them lol. I just mean for potential partners, I need that physical attraction, it what gets my attention initially. Unless I know them, Incan fall for a personality as long as I see something physically attractive in them. It certainly is not enough to hold it. If I get bored, I'm out. If I don't think they are funny, I can't click because I am so fun and silly and I try to make everything I'm doing a good time, and a man who is all about look proper, act sophisticated, I mean I can't lol. I can, but I will do silly things and I need a partner in crime who gets silly with me. I love to laugh. I love to feel like when I'm with them, the time goes so quick and I can't wait to do it again. That's how the last ex and I were. We just got each other. It worked, it clicked, it wasn't forced. It just was. And I'm so mad that I can't replace it!! Lol

 

I look for a lot. Honesty, stability, kindness, those things will keep me. Not looks.

 

I'm not saying my ex was OMG so drop dead gorgeous. By other's standards he's probably not, but to me, in my eyes, he was. His personality and his. Laid back easy fun attitude attracted me more. And he was an outstanding listener. Just like all of us, we all have different views on what is physically attractive to us. I have a friend who finds clean cut men not attractive. She likes the grunge type with lots of tattoos and piercings and long hair, which I don't find attractive.

[katrina1980]

^I can't say I have a "type" per se, but I do seem more drawn to men with a bit of an "edge." Outspoken, a bit brash, my last long term ex was like that, drop dead good looks too although that isn't what pulled me initially.

 

Oh and emotional depth. That is huge for me and is why I ended things with my last BF. Oh he went through the motions, but after a few months, realized it just wasn't genuine.

 

Good guy though, just not for me.

 

I suppose I'm like a man too in some ways, like I need my "space," hate drama, don't push for a "relationship" those types of things.

 

While at the same time, unable to relate to how they mentally process certain things, like the poster who felt angry and hurt when his ex reached out and wished him a happy birthday, for example.

 

Could not relate to that at all, but you did!

 

Again reading your posts, you relate a lot to their experiences, sometimes I do, but not as much as I would like.

 

And like I said, my "elusive" behavior (according to them) and thought process confuses the hell out of them too!

 

It's a rare man who can get a good "read" on me before getting to know me, which tbh takes awhile cause I'm not one to open my heart to just anyone. In fact in some cases, I might even behave opposite to how I'm feeling!

 

Not as a game, just very guarded, too much so I think, but working on it. A definte work in progress for sure!