He decided that he didnt want to put in the effort.. but im still hurt

[moonandsun]

 

The relationship wasn't long- we dated for a week short of three months and at first it was amazing. He was older than me by 4 years, we are both in our twenties, and he works full time while i am a full time student. It was a bit long distance (he lived an hour and a half away from me), but his parents lived in my town so it wasnt a big deal to come to see me. At first, we spent a whole week together during the holidays when we first started dating, and then after three weeks of dating we became official. He made me feel amazing when we were together, and i truly thought that he wanted a serious relationship with me.

 

But, then i started seeing that the man i was falling for was starting to make excuses. First, it was not always coming to town to see me, even if he had a day during the weekend to make the trip. When he would come to town, he would spend more time with his friends and make time for me only on Saturday evening... oftentimes barely making any fun plans. I had made time to come see him for a whole weekend before, and another time that i was going to come, i came down with the stomach flu and couldnt come see him, although i was really sad about it.

 

The part that really hit me was that i felt like i was making more effort to find time for him, freeing up a whole day so we can be together since we saw each other every two weeks sometimes, and he would end up sleeping in and coming to see me in the evenings and then making hundreds of plans with his friends.

 

so after opening up to him about my expectations for equal effort, he said he couldnt do it and broke up with me.

 

On one side, i completely understand that he isnt worth my time to be sad about it. but, i cant help being sad. we were supposed to spend the holiday together with his family this weekend, and now i know that he will be a few mins away from me, and i wont even see him.

 

i contacted him a week after we broke up to tell him that i never wanted him to change and i liked various things about him (too long of a msg to explain it here), but i just wanted equal effort in the relationship. he replied to me four days later with a short cold message with no emotions. I never replied to his message.

 

i felt like i am ready to move on. i went out last night and met guys and danced and had a great time. But, i had a dream last night after i got home, that he had contacted me to tell me he is in town and wants us to talk.

 

i cant stop wanting him. i fell hard for him. he was the first guy i had finally opened up to after my last break up two years ago. i just wanted us to be together. i loved him for who he is, i just wanted him to try a little bit more so that my needs could be met, as well.

[SweetGirl28]

I'm sorry :( You put your heart on the line and feel rejected now, and that hurts.

 

He obviously does not want true commitment because a guy who wants your time will move mountains to make it happen.

Continue to go out and have fun! You don't need to rush into anything, but you are worth more than a guy who doesn't value you. Guys do like their space though. He might have felt you were being too clingy and needy. They need time with others just as we do. Even alone.

[moonandsun]

Thank you for the reply! to be honest, i did give him lots of time and space. he would often barely text me when we were cities away from each other because he would be with his friends and i wouldnt annoy him. When he wanted to go be with his friends in town, i let it go. But, i also didnt feel like its okay that he was always choosing them over me. I need space as well but i expect of myself to make time for someone and have the same be given to me. you know?

[SweetGirl28]

Yeah, I hear you. I'm sorry. These guys sometimes just don't get it. I mean they shouldn't agree to become official if they treat the relationship more as casual dating, which is what he appears to have done. I'm all for going slow but geez how to you create a bond if you don't talk or spend time together, right?

 

You'll be okay. I think people are hurting more now because yet another holiday is upon us.

I hope you have a very Happy Easter :)

[Wiseman2]

Sorry this happened. Good you are getting out with friends. Even though there was a connection at first, he's not relationship/bf material. Stay no contact and delete and block him from devices and social media. It's fine this situation reawakened some feelings but you can do better than someone like this. In the long run, you dodged a bullet by not wasting more time on him.

we dated for a week short of three months and at first it was amazing. so after opening up to him about my expectations for equal effort, he said he couldnt do it and broke up with me. i went out last night and met guys and danced and had a great time.