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  1. So the last time I left a thread was when my bf and I broke up (I dumped him) and then we were on and off about getting back together. The first time I broke up with him was because be wasn't opening up to me and the product of that was I felt that he was distant, that he didn't care. He lied about his whereabouts, he wouldn't make time for me, he barely ever initiated sex. And he had nothing going on for him career wise. We were together for almost a year and I decided to end it because I wasn't happy. After that, he kept coming back trying to win me over. And after two months, we decided to try again. This time around (the past 4 months) have been amazing . He was the perfect boyfriend (almost). He opened up, showed me his real loving emotions towards me. He was everything I ever dreamt a boyfriend to be. He still didn't have a career, he is currently going through the process of getting one (interviewing and stuff). But deep down, I feel different. When he talks about us getting moving out, I no longer get excited. When he talks about us getting married, I don't feel like I want that. I am in my early twenties and I'm doing well in my career. And sometimes, I find myself thinking "what if" about a lot of guys, more than usual. I even kind of met someone who interests me (although I haven't pursued it). I love my boyfriend, I care about him, whenever I'm around him all I want to do is kiss him. I love spending time with him. Every time we are together, I have a good time. But I don't think I love him enough to spend the rest of my life with him. I keep telling myself it's time to break up, because he doesn't deserve someone like me. But part of me doesn't want to let go of someone so incredible, and I keep telling myself maybe I can learn to love him more and accept him as the person ill marry. And sometimes, I feel almost trapped in this relationship, wanting freedom to be single, and maybe even meet someone else. I feel like I've changed since we started dating. Part of me that I never knew before just wants to be single and enjoy doing me for a bit. I feel so sad, I'm not sure what to do (although I feel like the most obvious answer is to break up). I just can't imagine hurting him again. He doesn't deserve pain. But I keep thinking that I'm making a huge mistake. Please give me any advice, or personal anecdote that might help me figure what to do with this mess.
  2. This is a different guy. Ive been with this guy for a year . My first post was about a different guy I dated
  3. They think that we aren't good for each other and think I won't be happy with him. Some issues he said he learned from and he wants to do it all differently but there are other issues that he can't change and control it, but it could cause long term issues. Ideally, I'd believe I can get through any challenge, but my parents don't think so.
  4. So, if you looked at my last post, my ex and I almost did try to get back together but I had an anxiety attack and called it quits.( In my last post I said that I didn't love him anymore, but I don't think that's true. I think that it was just my way of hiding my emotions so I don't feel bothered by my decision. I still love him.) But, after calling it quits, I felt horrible and missed him every day, feeling huge regrets. While I had my own hesitations, a big part of it was because my family and friends did not support this decision, and I didn't want to disappoint them. However, we ran into each other today and we both fell back into the idea of getting back together. Long story short, we were together for a year I broke up with him due to some incompatibilities in communication and our frequencies, and the fact that I had a lot of concerns that he never really understood. Post breakup, he admitted he had a lot of time to think and said that he realized how much he has done that hurt me and he should have reflected more. He said he was being careless. He also admitted about a lot of things that I was right, that he didn't see when we were dating. He also admitted that he forgot to court me and date me, which was part of the reason I began to be unhappy in the relationship (only part though). He also did get a job that pays well which changes my perspective a bit. He wants to get back to prove to me that he has learned and understood my concerns and in the future will consider them differently, and will be better at listening and working on how I feel, and that we can make this work. Now I'm so confused because I want to try again, while at the same time, my family doesn't support me getting back together (they believe I need to move on). I don't know what to do anymore.
  5. Hey everyone, thank you for your replies. They all mean a lot to me and are really helpful. The one thing I don't know how to get through is this horrible feeling that when I'm with him it's wrong, and when I'm not, it's wrong too. It's like I have no idea what is right anymore. And it hurts because ever since we parted ways this week after I told him we both need to move on, I've missed him terribly. I wake up every morning missing him and it hurts because a huge part of me knows being with him again would be a mistake. But then being without him feels wrong too. And I just don't know how to shake through this. This feeling almost paralyzes me. Don't really know what I'm asking, just kind of venting.
  6. hey i want you to know that im sorry for everything. i know i said it a billion times already, you know i never wanted to hurt you. i am sorry i couldnt love you the way you wanted me to love you. im sorry that you felt that i had levels to my love, and i didnt completely love you. i did. you were the most magical love ive ever had, the most deep connection i ever felt. i wanted to only do things for you, to help you, to be there for you, but it ended up draining me. i was tired. and being tired made me lose that love for you. i still miss you. i still wish you were beside me holding my hand as we watch our favourite shows... i continued them without you because i have to move on. But, i miss you and your presence and your sweet kisses. but i just couldn't feel that in love withyou anymore. its not your fault, because you have been nothing but amazing. yes, you had your moments where you hurt me, when you werent there for me.. but i know that you loved me. im sorry i couldnt be that person. im sorry i couldnt make you happy. but getting back together would have been a mistake. you deserve someone who will want to be with you through everything. im sorry i wasnt her. i wish i was. i wish i could love you right.
  7. I broke up with my ex a few weeks ago after months of considering it. He loved me deeply but he kept doing things that hurt me as he wouldnt reflect or consider my feelings. He was never abusive (emotionally or physically), but overtime, after seeing that he lied to me about some things, said the wrong things, and realizing we were both in different waves in life, i couldnt see a future with him anymore. We broke up but he kept trying to get me back. I was always very communicative with him during the relationship, he knew everything that bothered me, but only after we broke up did he realize that my feelings were valid. He realized he wasnt truly considering them during our relationship, and told me he can be better this time around. We finally cut contact for a week, but he reached out again during a vulnerable moment i was going through. We had a long talk about all the things he did that hurt me, and he said he understood and can work on that ,and we kissed, and i thought about getting back together with him. But, after trying it for a day, i felt a heavy anxiety attack and guilty and realized it wasn't what i wanted. I keep reading poems and writen thoughts about how "i should move on" because he never chose me,but he did keep choosing me. And i feel like an awful human being who couldnt love a person who loved me with all his heart. I guess i still miss him a lot, i loved his company, but i just stopped feeling in love with him, or compeltely wanting to be with him for the rest of my life. How do you move on from a break up where no one was the bad guy, a break up where you just were not totally in the relationship anymore even though you loved the person?
  8. Ok well to make this easier, i am attracted to him but it's not only about his looks. Do you all have any comments about the main problem though? Cause its not really about whether I'm attracted to him or not.
  9. What was his family upbringing like? Were his parents very warm towards him? Sometimes, the way ppl act is a lot bc of how their families acted. Perhaps his parents never made a big deal out of a birthday and that is why he did that. Lmk , id love to help. Also, around how old is he?
  10. Just wanted to say that I'm on the same boat as you... So don't feel bad for wanting the best for your guy... I've also had my fair share of helping format and write my bfs resume and cover letter and sending him job postings and encouraging him... But it gets exhausting hun. I got exhausted of it. I'm still working on my own stuff with my guy but it's hard work.. just wanted to let you know you aren't alone.
  11. Ok so I'm going to try to answer all questions, but bc I want to keep this more confidential, I'm not going to get too detailed. 1) I'm currently finishing my degree at a high ranking university and I'm top of my class,. I got a great job with great starting salary. 2) I don't want to go into how my bf spoke roughly but I have talked to other ppl in my life about this and I know that it was not okay (I have very objective ppl in my life who will tell me when I've been wrong). 3) I think a lot of you are right. I have a tendency to make a project out of people (I like to help people) , but I know it's my own problem and I don't like subjecting people to my standards if that's not them. However, when getting to know my bf, all he ever wanted was a stable financial life bc he never had this with his family, and so I felt the need to help him do that. His has one job prospect that still has no guarantee he will get. But, I do see he has a low motivation to try to find another career (or a job with growth prospects) just in case the one he wants doesn't work out. 4) I think a huge part of me is really loyal to him, but also I just care to make our relationship work because I know that life changes and sometimes it does take time for people to figure their stuff out. I don't really believe in breaking and getting back together, so I wouldn't want to do that . I had a lot of thinking and I know I'm not out of love with him because of how I feel when I'm with him or not. I know that I care about him and want to make him happy and see him happy and help Hime make his dreams come true. So, I know that I don't want to give up on him.
  12. He wasn't the best at communication, would get angry or upset and speak to me roughly instead of explaining how he feels. He wasn't good at being open about what's going on in his life or being in touch with me. But now he learned that it's good for our relationship and it has only strengthened us.
  13. So I haven't really felt intrigued by other men then the regular (oh he is cute).. i do imagine someone like him with his life more figured out.. I don't want to go into detail about his dreams, it's not something unattainable but he doesn't have a degree in anything so a lot of careers are limited for him... He has applied to a bunch of jobs that don't require a degree but can be promising degrees and hasn't yet heard back which concerns me.
  14. its a great question that i keep asking myself... and i dont know. I am not sure if i cant imagine whether he will even able to get this career going and growing, or if that won't be enough for me either. and, i hate myself for feeling this way.
  15. Long story short, been dating my boyfriend for almost a year. I love him a lot and we have a strong relationship. We openly communicate our thoughts and feelings, and he has done a lot to adjust to better act with me. But, lately, for almost two months, while i love being with him and spending time with him, and i care about him, part of me feels like something is not enough... he is in his mid twenties and has nothing going on yet with his career, while i am in my early 20s and already have a stable and growing career. He is trying to figure out a career but its taking time. I feel somewhat unfulfilled by the relationship, and while i feel happy that he wants to make a change in his life so that he can be stable and have a future with me, i still feel sad. He is everything I want and yet... something is off. We have had a lot of open conversations about how I feel, he knows where i am at and we are trying to work on the relationship, but i am scared that no matter what, this weird feeling won't go away and I hate it, because I feel like i should be lucky to be loved so much by him. He is the first person who every treated me right in a relationship, and loved me so much and i don't want to lose such an amazing human being (and being friends wont be an option because i love him). I know its a very open ended question, but have you ever been in a relationship that was 90% what you needed, but something in your gut felt like it wasn't enough? and what did you do?
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