Feeling like I'm too awkward for dating

[Guardian452]

So last weekend, I ended up going on a date with someone I met on Tinder. It wasn't a horrible date, and we got on okay, but afterwards when we were texting each other, she said that I wasn't her type to date, but I'm a decent lad (just really awkward). Ironically, with my last girlfriend (we broke up just over a month ago), my awkwardness was one of the main things she liked about me, but here, my awkwardness appears to be the thing that made her lose interest.

 

This has got me thinking a lot though, am I just too awkward for dating? I know most people are probably put off awkwardness, and it's going to be hard to find someone who appreciates my awkwardness, but right now, I'm feeling like I'd be difficult to date. I have Asperger's, meaning that social interaction can be difficult for me and I come across as being incredibly awkward, and I definitely consider myself as more of an introvert than an extrovert. On top of this, I don't exactly have the most common of interests. My music taste is mostly comprised of obscure Hardcore, Emo, and Punk bands, I'm an unapologetic Science Fiction/Fantasy nerd, and I play Table Top Role Playing Games such as Dungeons and Dragons. Plus I'm Straight Edge (for those who don't know, this is a movement with roots in Hardcore music where the followers don't drink, smoke, or do drugs), so I'm not really a big fan of going to pubs, and I hate the idea of going clubbing.

 

This might sound like I'm not that confident in myself, but honestly, I'm pretty happy about who I am. I've grown to love my awkwardness thanks to my previous relationship, I love the things that I enjoy, and I like being Straight Edge. It can just be hard when it doesn't feel like there isn't anyone in my local area that seems like the type of person I'd date, and I feel for some people, they'd be put off dating me because of my awkwardness, my interests, or my lack of alcohol consumption (or possibly all three). I know that someday, I'll eventually find someone, but at the same time, it's very rare for me to come across someone who I genuinely like and want to be with. Am I just not meant for dating?

[smackie9]

You answer is to seek out a therapist that can help you over come your awkwardness. To add dating isn't easy for anyone. If it was that easy to meet someone there would be no such thing as dating sites or people going to the clubs and bars. Everyone is looking too, and yes there will be many more disappointing dates. We all have been through the struggles. You just have to keep at it, and don't take things so personal. Grow a thicker skin.

[DanZee]

Well, since you have specific interests, you need to find places where people with those specific interests hang out and go hang out there to meet people. So that would be going to concerts, SF conventions, joining a D&D group, and so on. As you said, you will eventually find someone, but it will take time.

 

As for your awkwardness, a lot of people may find it off-putting. You have to find the right girl who thinks it's charming. Just keep at it and keep trying.

[Guardian452]

I go to gigs fairly regularly and do attend a D&D group regularly, however the gigs I go to are normally around Central/North London (where I live is South East London, so that's normally at least a train and a tube to get to the venue), so if I met someone at a gig, it's likely that they'll live relatively far away from me, therefore it would be harder to meet up regularly. As for my D&D group, while I enjoy it, it's mainly comprised of males in their mid 30's to 40's.

 

I'm aware that there are girls who like awkwardness. Heck, that was one of the things my ex loved about me (she described it as endearing), but I know that people like that are very hard to come by, especially in an area that seems to mainly be made up of people with more typical interests like chart music, sports, reality tv etc.

[smackie9]

Maybe do something out of your comfort zone.....it's called exposure therapy. I'm not talking about jump out of a plane, just something small and simple then work your way up to larger things. Nothing wrong with trying something new.

 

I think you have pigeon holed yourself with your type of interests because it makes you feel safe. You can't go through life like that. You only have one chance on this earth, so take advantage of it.

[Wiseman2]

The best thing to do is make what you are cool and wear it with confidence. It's cool to have interests and it's also cool not to use substances, etc. You don't have to keep in step with the crowd to be liked or find love. You just have to accept others and their ways and own your unique personality.

My music taste is mostly comprised of obscure Hardcore, Emo, and Punk bands, I'm an unapologetic Science Fiction/Fantasy nerd, and I play Table Top Role Playing Games such as Dungeons and Dragons. Plus I'm Straight Edge (for those who don't know, this is a movement with roots in Hardcore music where the followers don't drink, smoke, or do drugs)