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I messed up. How can I fix it?


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So the story begins with my ex natalie. We dated for a few months and suprise, she came up pregnant. Of course she loved me and I had not really opened up to her but the relationship continued for awhile until I broke up with her, being fully aware of the consequences and i broke her heart. Once things cooled off and I realized I actually made a mistake and I did in fact love her myself. Now it's later and we've been in contact and I have been wanting her back and been trying to show her by doing what I can for her and showing that I love her. Well today I drove a few hours to get something for her that I know she lives and brought to her. We had a good conversation until she told me that her best friend Alex asked her out on a real date and she wanted to talk to me about it. I told her about how I feel, that I want her to be happy and I truly do love her and will not stop fighting but that I respect her too and that if she wants to go on a date and if it makes her happy then she can. I also asked her to consider us, because i knownat one point she loved me and that i pray and hope everyday that she will love me again and that we can try. Did I make the right choice?

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So she is pregnant dating?


I always find that so strange.


And yes, she can choose to date others or give your relationship another shot. The question is are you willing to sit around waiting while she dates others.


Please be sure to get a custody and support agreement filed with the court to protect you and your child's rights.

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I admire you trying, you created life together and have a special bond. But the other guy, bring her best friend, has a bond with her too. It's ultimately her decision. If she feels she can trust you not to leave her again, I think you have a shot but if she can't, it won't work. Did she say she loves you or wants to be with you? But is unsure?


How old is your baby?

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I remember you, you were not planning on paying child support but instead you were going to have the child be supported by "government programs".


If she decides to get back together with you, will you still have her rely on "government programs" or will you pay child support?


As for Alex, he's probably loved her from up close for years and doesn't care that she's pregnant by another man. And if he's willing to step up and support the child financially, that will make him more attractive in her eyes than the child's father who wants her to rely on "government programs". Something to think about.

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Its a hell of a predicament. I was considering on taking a year off of school to be able build a foundation before I return and make sure I can financially support my child.


I think that's a good idea.


Of course, finishing school would be preferable, but when you become a parent the child's needs must take priority. If you don't have a job, it's vital to get one so you can be a responsible parent. Plus, how could she take you seriously as a prospect if you're not working and supporting the child you two made together?

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Child support is the law. Any income you make , the support can be taken automatically from your wages. That's her right to go after you for that. As for her, being a single mother, she is entitled to state assistance, like healthcare , etc depending upon where you live.


I actually know someone who pays seven lousy bucks a week , that's what the court determined. I mean, how sad.

Babies are so expensive. So yes, if her BFF can offer her more, she's going to choose him. I think he is such a good friend to her that he's seeing this as an opportunity to help her. I say this because I went through it myself with my guy BFF when I was pregnant. And he's still my BFF. And her dad is pretty absent. We didn't date, but he wanted to. He saw a "ready made family" with us, which he wanted. I don't know how old you all are. You sound really young. This can go either way.


Edit: yes you did the right thing. You layed your feelings out. It's up to her to choose.

You have to prove yourself though. Words are nothing.

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Yes, it is her choice.


But, you can be motivated to do the right thing.


Instead of focusing on "how can I get her back?", focus on what would make you a responsible, reliable father and partner. Taking care of your child by getting a job and offering to set up a support and custody agreement is the right thing to do. A side result MAY be her seeing you being a responsible father and being attracted to that. But if not, at least you will be doing the right thing by your child.

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I'm trying. I'm just being patient that's all. Apparently her and Alex do a date everyear, but she says that they're real dates, which I perceived to mean that they are friend dates. He asked her out to do one for this year, which I took as him wanting to go on a real date but according to her they do a real date every year.....just found this all out.

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A real date involves attraction and feelings. A friend date is enjoying one another's company.

I can't tell you how many friend dates I've had with my guy BFF. I thought. He'd surprise me with spa dates, mani/pedi's, dresses to go to banquets, weekend get aways, dinners, jewelry, you name it , he did it. But..........he had a motive. I was always very clear of my feelings. There were none beyond friendship. I think a friend date might be dinner, movie, gaming, park, something like that. If he truly is a friend, he's trying to make her feel loved and not alone. And he's a good friend for that.

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Well what you need to do is realize you've got competition, and you want her back.

Don't be upset by him, he's her BFF and isn't going anywhere. You, however, have broken her heart.

Left her while pregnant. You have strikes against you. So you need to step up your game, be nice, supportive,

calm, and show you're ready to be a stable partner and a father. She's going to do what she wants, but realize her hormones are all over the place being pregnant, and she can change her mind from minute to minute if she wants.

Even after the baby is born. You have a long road ahead. Forget the guy for right now. Do what you can without being clingy and in her face. That will push her away for sure.


If it's a real date, not a real date, doesn't matter right now.

What matters is how you treat her because you need to try to reattract her. May work, may not.

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Please stop putting the focus on "how do I get her back" because I don't think that should be a priority right now.


What plans are you putting into place to step up as a father?


I can't speak for your ex, but I find the father of my child being responsible and caring toward his children to be a big turn on. Then again, my kids' father didn't dump me while I was pregnant and then try to come back, so I can't say if it would help in your situation. But being a good, responsible father might go a long way in your favor.

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