How do I overcome challenges in my life? Need advice and perspective

[Eleni1989]

Hi all, I was wondering if anyone went through a difficult time in your life (i.e. divorce, job loss, death of a family member) only to end up where you feel you’re supposed to be? Do you feel that experience taught you something important? (

 

I’m a 28 year old female who ended a very toxic and emotionally 4 year relationship with a raging narcissist in July 2017. Dealing the aftermath has been… rough to say the least. Figuring out how to move on and build a new life for myself was a pretty big challenge and forced me to face a lot of emotional wounds I had been carrying. On top of this, I have always strugged with pretty bad anxiety. I did get myself into therapy, am taking Wellbutrin and am lucky to have a wonderful support system with friends and family. I threw myself into dating (which probably wasn’t the best decision – should have given myself time to heal) but I did have fun and end up meeting some cool & nice guys. Back in November, I met one awesome guy who is now my boyfriend. Things seemed to be getting better.

 

Until the past 2 months where I have started to get harassed at work. Basically, my company made a mistake and ended up charging a client 30k for services he was not using. Instead of paying this man back his money, they are trying to blame me. My boss is a pretty hands off but terrible manager and the management team is a bunch of middle-aged men who act like mean girls. Any “mistake” or “issue” I make, they run to my boss who then reprimands me. Some of these complaints are things like “I asked a silly question.” One guy complained that I didn’t respond to an email I sent – I had been on vacation and responded the day I returned.

 

I can go on and on but basically, they are gearing up to fire me and I need to find another job pretty soon. Shouldn’t be difficult because I’m young and have good experience but the thought of it is daunting to me after having such an emotionally difficult 8 months. I would actually much prefer it if they fire so I can file unemployment and devote all my time to searching for a new position.

 

My anxiety is through the roof and even starting to ruin my new relationship. I feel him pulling away and I know it’s because I’m so negative all the time and am insecure about our relationship. I have lost the humor and confidence I had in the beginning of the relationship that made it so great. I’m always stressed out and just complain.

 

I have decided that I’m going to put an end to all my negativity and complaining and focus almost solely on better my work environment by getting a new position. I’m also going to do my best to not let anything at work bother me and just see how things go. I’m also going to book a vacation so I have something to look forward to.

 

Regardless of whether or not I lose my job or this relationship ends, I know deep down that I’ll be just fine and move on. Probably to something more suited for me. My parents have told me that sometimes these experiences take you where you need to be. My dad was married once before my mom and he says getting divorced was the best thing that happened to him because it forced him to figure out what he wants in his next relationship and that led him to my mom. He also lost his job when I was a kid and says that was a blessing because it inspired him to open his own business. I have heard many, many stories like this – where people go through a nasty divorce but then find an amazing new partner, are fired from a company where they worked many years and then open their own successful business, have a spouse die but find somebody new etc etc. if anyone here has, please share because I’d love to hear and need the support

[glitterfingers]

I have been through a lot of hardship in my life and have a slight disability. Many would consider me underprivileged but overall I feel quite lucky to be alive and I am content with my circumstances. That's because of how I choose to look at life. Focus on the positives and get excited about what is waiting around the corner, practice gratitude. It makes things go a lot smoother. Also put your health and wellbeing first and keep your stress levels down - that means finding a new job ASAP.

 

Sometimes you have to take a step back from all of your obligations long enough to stabilise, recalibrate your direction and make adjustments in your life as necessary. If you're constantly focused on what other people want from you (or in my case, getting upset when I can't achieve what normal people can), you will burn yourself out and become less of a person. In order to give the best of yourself, you have to take care of yourself and put yourself first. Treat yourself with patience and compassion, because you can't expect other people will do that

 

I don't think that those stories you're hearing have much to do with luck. There are some elements of luck - like being born into a privileged society. But the rest of it is mindset, community, support, love etc.

 

Depending on your current mental health, and if this job is burdening it, I would probably be handing in my letter of resignation and taking my 'vacation' at home - job searching a couple hours a day and then relaxing with tea, some good books and soft music the rest of the time. You'll probably benefit immediately.

[DanZee]

I can tell you it will get better. It may take some time before you're out of the woods, but it will get better. For example, I burnt out as a teacher. I took the summer off to think about things and then refused to go back. I sent out some resumes and landed a short-term job that got my confidence back, was out of work again, and then I got another job where I lasted 10 years until the entire management team was replaced and I was targeted as a remnant of that team. I had just got a girlfriend (soon to be wife) and had just bought a house, so I tried to hang onto the job, but I was pushed out and times were a bit tough because she lost her job too! We struggled for a bit, but I freelanced, she found another job, and four years later, we started a business that is still going for 20 years. So things will get better for you.

 

You already know that you have to control your anxiety. You shouldn't take it out on your boyfriend. In fact, you might not want to even talk about work with him. Maybe you could look into yoga classes, or exercise more. Go for walks or runs. Listen to cheery music. Hang out with friends of family. Get a dog. Book a massage. Go swimming. Do things that will take your mind off your job when you're not at work.

 

You'll get through it, but you don't want to add to the misery by losing your boyfriend. Hang tough and you'll get through it.