Interested in a shy guy from a different culture - Plz Help

[Juliaroberts_jr]

Hi. Plz help me out. I'm divorced and now really interested in a guy. I work at the same place but he isn't in my department so I had to come up with something each time i wanna talk to him.

He is very shy and from a different culture where things are not very open. That's why I can not take a risk of asking him out. He seems to be interested in me but he has never said anything yet.

Please give me an advice, what should I do. I really like him and it seems to me that things can really work out because I've been noticing him for some time now.

I'll appreciate any advice and try to work on it. BUT PLZ GIVE ME AN ADVICE ASAP BECAUSE I KNOW, HE DOSN'T WANNA BE SINGLE ANYMORE. I am afraid if he'll find someone before I approach him.

[MetallicAguy]

OH MY GOD! lol, just playing. Your in luck, usually shy people that show at least a bit of interest in going out with you will definitely tend to keep that flow going for a long time. Since he's very shy, I'm guessing since this interest, the minimum for his flow to keep going is like 5 months. What culture is he? Usually the shyest culture is asian people to me. Though I could be wrong, what is his nationality? To ask the guy out you could say "I know your not very open to me, but how's [some date idea that you think he might be interested in]" and then after that you can say when to pick you up and everything. Yeah, well I think he'll say yes. I feel like it's going to work out for you, so just go for it, ask him out! (He's probably too shy to do it himself! Lol).

[pchellak]

MetallicAguy,

How can you generalize a culture of more than 2 billion people to be shy? Unless you have met a majority of them which would take you more than 35 years even if you meet one person per second. Just a thought!

[Voyager2005]

I also wonder which culture is he from. I grew up in Asia and moved to europe later on. I do think asians are in gerneral more shy than europeans and americans in their attitude towards relationships. I personally still retain some of this shyness but consider myself more open than most of the people from my country. Usually an asian would be even more shy towards a western woman than one from his own culture. Don't ask me why, it's just the case. But if you feel that he's interested in you then it's def a good sign.

 

The ways I suggest to approach him is to for example casually ask to have a coffee with him after work. During your conversation ask him what he thinks about inter-cultural relationships, and whether he finds woman from other cultures more attractive or from his culture. If he's smart enough, he'll use this chance to project his feeling for you in an "objective" view of this topic. If he leans heavily on the side of "why-not", and find "more attractive" it's a lucky strike, cuz usually in asian cultures inter-culture relationship and marriage is still rare and some-what controversial. Say the name of all the countries you can think of, one by one, and ask him if he finds the woman attractive. Pay attention if he tries to diminish the woman from the other cultures apart from yours.

 

Touching him sometimes during your conversation will send him to heaven. Try getting physical close to him like that. Though he's shy, he's still a man. I bet he'll go home and think about you... good luck.. let us know how you get on..

[sara-pezzini]

I was in a similar situation,also a guy from work that is from another,not so open culture and where they are not used to women taking the initiative...and also he is very shy and so am I,but I started with smalltalk,"accidently"running into him all the time,talking about the weather,work or anything that came to mind,really we have had the stupidest conversations ever!!! but through that I began to realize that he also had an interest in me,also try talking to him about his culture and country,i did and he liked that I was so interested in his background(I even wrote him a postcard in his language,with the help of an online translateprogram,and he LOVED it!!! )and well finally I asked him to come to dinner and he accepted!!!!and there are still problems because of the cultural differences and our inexperience,but we are sort of a couple now and I never regretted asking him!!!!!!!!GOODLUCK

[Juliaroberts_jr]

He is from Middle East. Born here and is very social and outgoing but shy in dating. I am from Asia - very outgoing but shy in dating.

Ok. Thats what happened. I tried to talk to him on different topics and I saw the successful results - he started coming to my office without any reason...... he invited me to an event (it wasn't a date though. It was a get together of about 100 people). Anyway I thought he knew about my previous marriage but he didn't. So when he came to know, he kind of changed. He still talks to me but I don't see that interest anymore.

He is so nice and sweet and I don't wanna loose a guy only because of a reason that am divorced. He was never married and maybe he wants a "never married" girl.

So what should i do in this matter???????

[Voyager2005]

If a "never married" girl is who he wants then there's no way to force him to love you. But sometimes people have prejudice about a person over a single thing, in this case, your divorce. Try to tell him about what happen in your previous marriage and what went wrong at appropriate times. Let him understand why you divorced.

 

You need to do a lot of talking between yourselves. Don't go to far before you guys know each other more. Him having this reaction to your past might reflects a fundamental difference between you and him. Don't become intimate too fast otherwise you'll end up hurting yourself.

 

Best wishes.