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Should I come clean and let my roommate know my feelings for him?


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Im a 26F and my roommate I am crushing on is a 25M. We are parting ways soon because of the other people we live with. We were both talking about our heat sometimes not working in our bedrooms, and I jokingly said to him:


'We're getting hot flashes up in here, Andrew!'

Cringe. Yeah not something you tell a guy you like. I've apologized to him just once before about one other Freudian slip I made (he is well aware that i have a speech impediment). I have only known him a few months, but he knows my sense of humor. But I dont want him thinking that I was even alluding to him having a 'man' deficiency' or ANYTHING of that nature. Holy f*** the thought of it traumatizes me. But I'm QUITE CERTAIN he knows I like him too, just from my outward reaction whenever I see him. My brain seriously just turns off around him and I start blushing like crazy and my eyes get wider, my pupils dilate like a damn ALIEN'S when I see him(no matter how much I work on it, the Freudian slips only happen around people I am insanely attracted to, and it keeps happening where i think i may sound like a complete idiot or a bit of a b**** by something i say)


This unfortunate exchange happened tonight, and He actually didn't react at all. We just kept talking as normal, so i dont even know if he noticed. Ugh. I just look at him, think 'hot!' then indiscreetly put that word in a phrase to subtly let him know, finally chalking up the nerve to flirt in an indirect way (also hinting at how he makes me feel when I'm around him, my face gets 'hot' and it gets red as a f****** tomato) in the MIDDLE OF AN INTELLIGENT CONVERSATION, and then I bring up F****** HOT FLASHES????! And joke about HIM having them? Oh my F***ing stars. I swear as much of an antiquated soul I have, I know i had to have died in a past life as a result of making a Freudian slip like this and pissing somebody REALLY BIG off. Well , At this point, Should i finally come clean and tell him?

NOTE: He usually lingers after a break or possible conclusion to our convos and then we just look at each other, smiling, in silence for a few seconds, and then convo resumes. He sometimes lowers his voice around me and his body language is always open when we talk, he laughs even at a couple of the stupid things i've said and is always interested in hearing about me. He just....seems happy to see me. He knows from how my face lights up, that i'm always happy to see him too. We dont get the chance to hang out much (we have completely opposite schedules) but with the past couple of convos, we did seem to get lost in whatever conversation we're having. We were both always smiling and laughing. Nothing more physical than a short hug has ever happened, which I'm more than ok with. :)


But the main thing is: was this slip bad enough to send me into confession (i could confess in a humorous way), should I clarify to him the day after on the offchance of sounding creepy and overapologetic (ill do it in a funny, lighthearted non-serious way though), or should I wait until, like, the day we move out to tell him I like him, to save for awkwardness if he rejects? We'll only be living together for another month.

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When are you moving and why? How many other people live in this place? It seems he's wise enough not to get involved with roommates. Way too messy, awkward and uncomfortable for everyone involved. It sounds like he's being polite/friendly but not interested. Despite your crush, it's best to look elsewhere for dates. Try not to blurt out your crush it's awkward for everyone.

We are parting ways soon because of the other people we live with.
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He actually is getting his own place. I'm moving back to another part of the city be with family. We are helping each other find someone to occupy both our rooms and i started developing this affinity for him quite a while before any of this started happening. None of our roommates have any inkling as to my attraction. Might I also add that he has asked me on a couple different previous occasions to hang out with him, but both those times, I just happened to have something going on and I had to raincheck both, promising we would hang out soon. So he tried to initiate the 2 of us hanging out on a few occasions, it just never came to fruition. We are wanting to do something together before we move, though. I recently nonchalantly mentioned to him about us finally hanging out at least once before we parted ways, and then he followed my statement with, "Or....twice?" Soooo, idk. Does it still sound like hes just being polite/friendly? I have no clue, but I'm leaning towards a possible interest. Who knows, though, I havent dated in a while lol


To answer your other question, we are moving because 2 out of 3 of our other roommates are lazy deadbeat college slobs who have no concept of money management, and they never pay their bills, so we'll inevitably be without electric soon. We are both a bit more money conscious, so just cant deal with a mess like this. One of them is the accountholder of all the bills and she never bothers to clarify any of the bills with any of us, lies and creates these sudden 'extra charges and fees' out of nowhere, and we NEVER see a paper statement where these fees can be backed up, as she REFUSES to let go of her EBILL 'to pwotect the enviwonment!' (Intentional typos there :D). and she conveniently forgets EVERYTHING. I paid her$60 and i STILL dont know whether it was put into the electric or the Wi-Fi, because the Wi-Fi still isnt on. so it was starting to affect the 2 of us financially. The place is always a mess, and its just....not good.

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Ok hang out after you move out or hang out as friends.

He actually is getting his own place. I'm moving back to another part of the city be with family. I recently nonchalantly mentioned to him about us finally hanging out at least once before we parted ways, and then he followed my statement with, "Or....twice?"
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Ok, So you're thinking if we try to hang out outside our living quarters BEFORE we both move, that it may be a bad idea, as it may lead to one of us starting a conversation that may or may not benefit both of us (aka 'me'? Lol)? Or do you mean 'hang out as friends now before you move out, then if dating is something you find you both want, do that AFTER you both move.'? Or do you think we should wait altogether to hang out at ANY capacity until after we move (at which point, i dont think it will happen - we both have our own social circles and friends)? Thank you for your previous replies, I'm just confused as to how you worded it.

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Just wait until after he moves out and ask if he'd like to give a date a shot. Really no need to complicate your or his living situation. It can be an awkward step to take, even after you two have parted ways, so I'd be careful not to be too optimistic about the result.


With regard to the joke, don't beat yourself up too much. Yeah, it sounds like it was loud and probably not too funny, but to be honest, guys generally don't think much, if anything, about hot flashes, so it's not like you hit on some taboo or anything.


And just a pro-tip regarding crappy roommates and shady bills, I personally flat out refuse to give someone my money without seeing a statement spelling out what I'm responsible for. But even if you want to be a bit more flexible, or if you're noticing the money isn't actually going to something, you can agree to call in with the account number and pay on the account personally. You don't have to have your name on account to pay into it.

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  • 2 weeks later...

I think you are analyzing things way too much. I can't tell whether he is attracted to you, is a friendly guy, or is pausing to make sure you are finished talking before he starts talking again. you say you have a speech impediment - maybe he is giving you time to make sure you have finished what you were trying to say. I would just move on and give him your new contact information. he won't take it any particular way --- its normal for roommates to do that in case there are any leftover bills, the one roomie accidentally gets mail that was forwarded incorrectly for the other. He can decide to throw it out, use it to ask you on a date or keep it in case there is anything leftover/ That way the ball is in his court. I do think its easy to fall for someone you live with and not seeing him might just well give you some perspective. I know once i stopped taking a class i started to come to my senses about a guy who was in it with me. Out of sight, out of mind and i thought "what was i thinking?"-------------------

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