Youngbird Posted March 8, 2018 Share Posted March 8, 2018 The last few months I have been getting to know a new guy. We have been flirting and having a good time in each others company. Last week it started to develop. Suddenly, when he had been out drinking he texted me in the middle of the night and wanted me to come to him. I said no, because I'm not just a bootycall and it was so sudden and unexpected. We have not done anything other than flirt up until now. This happened on friday last week. On monday we met again, and we had a workout-session together. This was really nice and I was so happy. The last year has been really hard for me because of a bad breakup that has taken a very long time to get over. This is the first genuine chance I have on something new. The problem is: Yesterday I saw him again, randomly (we workout on the same gym). He was not as "contactseaking" (don't know the right word) as he usually is towards me and did not seem as happy to see me. I got so scared and thougt I had done something terribly wrong. I almost started crying. I realised I was acting a fool and decided to go to him and say hello. We talked abit, but we where both in the middle of the workout, so it was a brief conversation. He acted very normal. Ok. So based on all this I have realized something about myself. I terrified. I don't want to get hurt again, I don't want to do anything wrong that might chase this guy away. I can't stop thinking about him and I overanalize everything I do. I litterarly got a shock when I realized how fast everything has gone. I realize that I may not be as strong and independent as I thought. This last year I have developed alot, but know I see that I'm still pretty weak. I know this guy is interested, but I'm scared that I get too obsessed with everything and lose myself in the prosess. I really like this guy and after all I have been through, nothing would make me happier than to be able to be with someone (in a healthy way). I need help. I don't want to obsess, and I don't want to lose this oppertunity. (I'm sorry about the spelling..) Link to comment
DancingFool Posted March 8, 2018 Share Posted March 8, 2018 What opportunity are you talking about here? You basically have a situation where some guy showed you a little bit of attention and you've lost your sense over that. Please please get out and start socializing and dating again and realize there are options out there for you. Also, this dude already showed you his colors and what he is interested in. I mean really, you think a guy who will get drunk and booty call you is some great opportunity.....smh..... yikes.... raise your standards.....a lot...... OP, if he was a decent guy interested in you for real, he would have taken you out on a date long ago. Instead he booty calls..... walk away, just walk away. Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted March 8, 2018 Share Posted March 8, 2018 Unfortunately he's made it crystal clear what he wants and how he views you. In all this time he has never asked you on a real date, right? he had been out drinking he texted me in the middle of the night and wanted me to come to him. Link to comment
Youngbird Posted March 8, 2018 Author Share Posted March 8, 2018 I see your points. And you’re right. But it’s been very casual and just talking and flirting, nothing serious. The thing is - we work together (just a part time job), and he is also the personal trainer to my mother haha. So we talked as “colleagues” - that eventually evolved. I’m maybe naive and lonely and that is why I let myself get into these situations. I’m not even sure I wanted a romantic relationship, if he was the right person for me. I just wanted to start of casual with us getting to know each other and to see where it goes. I’m just 21 years old. Ok, so I know it sounds stupid. And I think I will just distance myself from everything for a while to gain some perspective. Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted March 8, 2018 Share Posted March 8, 2018 He's shown you where he wants it to go. Why not date other guys who want more than calling you drunk and treating you like a hooker who makes house calls?I just wanted to start of casual with us getting to know each other and to see where it goes. I’m just 21 years old. Link to comment
Youngbird Posted March 8, 2018 Author Share Posted March 8, 2018 It’s not so easy for me to “just go out and date”. I’ve tried. And even though it was a text in the middle of the night it really didn’t feel that bad as you try to make it. But again, you’re right. I should have understood it, but of course I managed to show how interested I was. And if I had the chance to turn back time and don’t immediately show him how interested and naive I am I would. But I thought he was a nice guy, and I have very little experience. And after I’ve been alone a lot it makes it even harder. Link to comment
DancingFool Posted March 8, 2018 Share Posted March 8, 2018 I see your points. And you’re right. But it’s been very casual and just talking and flirting, nothing serious. The thing is - we work together (just a part time job), and he is also the personal trainer to my mother haha. So we talked as “colleagues” - that eventually evolved. I’m maybe naive and lonely and that is why I let myself get into these situations. I’m not even sure I wanted a romantic relationship, if he was the right person for me. I just wanted to start of casual with us getting to know each other and to see where it goes. I’m just 21 years old. Ok, so I know it sounds stupid. And I think I will just distance myself from everything for a while to gain some perspective. All the more reason to get out, date, socialize and start creating some standards for yourself that others MUST meet in order to be a part of your life in any way. What you are describing here is certainly a mess waiting to happen. You don't need to want some serious relationship to date or to socialize in general. You have to fix the problem of feeling lonely and bored. Once you fix that, you'll find that you become quite selective about who are willing to let into your life. Basically, after a bad break up, taking a break from things for a little bit is good. Taking a break so long that you become lonely, desperate, and vulnerable will land you in bad situations over and over again. Guys like him sense that and prey on that. Take this as lesson learned and problems narrowly avoided. Most people your age aren't looking to be serious with anyone. It's actually a great time to date, meet different people and start sorting what you do and don't like, what you can and cannot deal with. Literally, go out on a date and then work out the good and the bad. Liked that he did this and that, hated some other thing so no go on more dates. Have some fun with it. Explore. Link to comment
Youngbird Posted March 8, 2018 Author Share Posted March 8, 2018 You’re right. Thank you. I just wish it wasn’t like this but it is so I have to accept the reality Link to comment
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