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Youngbird

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  1. My sister have been together with her boyfriend for 5 years now. In my opinion (and others) they are a perfect match. He is the nicest guy and treats her like a queen. My sister can be a challenging person to spend time with over a long period so I admire how he is able to “cope” with her. Don’t misunderstand, she is a good person. But her inner diva is sometimes very strong. They have been together for 5 years, lived together 2 years, but for the last few months they both studied abroad. They then lived one hour plane-drive apart. They have always been very faithful and with a lot of trust towards each other so I wasn’t all that worried. 2 months ago my sister even said that she was sure that she was going to marry her boyfriend. Now suddenly she has changed. She is unsure of if she wants to continue to be with him. She says that she has lost her interest in hobbies and wants to reconnect with them. Her boyfriend has always supported her and it definitely not his fault that she has “lost” her interest in these hobbies. She considers breaking up with him. But she is very unsure. They still have a very fun time together and obviously has an extremely good chemistry. She has also talked to him about her thoughts and he has made it clear that he wants to be with her. He is clearly fighting for her. I believe that her “problems” is not connected to him at all. It’s her responsibility’s to contain her interest and hobbies, so she can’t just blame him for that. I don’t think she realizes how lucky she is. I know that they are an excellent match. I’m scared that she makes an decision that she surely will regret later. Of course it’s her decision. But I want to help her to see every perspective before she makes a decision. What should I do? I desperately want her to see what she’s got before it’s gone. (Sorry for my bad English)
  2. Yes, I would say so. I have many good friends who make me happy. And I’m currently on my third year in university that is also very fulfilling. I have a busy schedule. I work out a lot, something I really enjoy. So my life is in many ways perfect. And that is some of the reasons why I get so frustrated. I love my life and everything in it. But I’m still not completely happy. And I hate myself for it. I know how lucky I am but I feel so ungrateful for not feeling happy.
  3. Thank you! You are so right. I think some of the reasons for my focus is because many of my friends are in a relationship and I have been single alone a lot. And in some ways it feels like I am the “loser”. I know I have to do something to move forward so I will try to find a new focus with a hobby or something new in my life. I am a strong believer that everything happens for a reason. And that we learn important lessons when life is difficult.
  4. I have been avoiding this new guy the last weeks because I know he is not a positive thing in my life. So just has to continue keeping my distance. Get some perspective. But I know that ups and downs is a part of life. And I’m only 22 so I still have a lot to learn. I just have to keep on moving forward.
  5. Yes, I know. I want to back out of it and I know I should. But for some reason I’m having a hard time actually doing it. But that’s an even better reason to back out of it. But I struggle to see myself in a new serious relationship. I feel like I have some issues to resolve on my own... Sorry about complaining, but today had been a hard day.
  6. The last couple of weeks my emotions has seriously been a roller coaster ride unlike anything I’ve experienced before. At one moment I have been happy and carefree, and in the next I feel empty and frustrated. There are several reasons behind this. I will explain some of the most important ones. First: Almost two years ago I broke up with my boyfriend (now ex). We were together for two years. I was devastated and used a very long time to feel normal again (note: normal, not good). My life has changed quite a lot since then and I have learned so much and have become much stronger. I feel like I have moved on, but there are still things that affect me. Ever since the break up I have felt a emptyness inside me. I think one of the reasons for this is because I had invested so much time in this relationship and with this guy. I also struggled with how little the breakup affected him (from my perspective). So the last year I have developed a need to move on with someone new. I have had a casual relationship with a guy and that has been very fun but it is only on a physical level, which I actually enjoy. It has been going on for five months now. But this guy is not my type on many levels. So we don’t have a future, and that’s ok. But I think some parts of me really wanted this to be something more serious so that I could finally move on from my ex. And as the months goes by I realize that it will never be more. But the fact is that I have no feelings what so ever for this new guy. But he has worked as a distraction for me. And now I’m starting to realize that I’m not ok. And I’m really tired of not being ok. I have so much to be happy about with an amazing family and amazing friends. I get so angry with myself when I feel so unhappy because I have so much to be happy and grateful about. I don’t know what to do. I have no one to talk to and people struggle to understand, something I understand since I don’t get it myself. I guess I just needed to write this down somewhere and this site has helped me a lot before. (Sorry about the errors)
  7. Thank you for all your advice and feedback. It really gave me some perspective. I get so lost in my thoughts sometimes and this forum always helps me to see things more clearly. I will stop overanalysing it, just go with what happens. I do not regret what i did, because I had fun and I wanted to do it. I'm one experience richer, and somewhat wiser.
  8. Okey, I did actually not know that. I seriously have no experience what so ever. I don’t think I’m lying to myself. I seriously just don’t know how to act.
  9. On thursday last week I hooked up with a guy I have been flirting with for a while. I already knew he was not into a serious relationship and I was very aware of what I was doing. I have been single for over a year now, with no physical contact with anyone what so ever. I'm only 21 years old, and when I got the opportunity to sleep with him I just grabbet it, with full knowledge of what i got myself into. So when I got there, his and mine intentions was clear. We also talked about it abit before it happened. It was really nice, and I'm happy that I finally broke my over one year "break" from sex. He is also a guy I somewhat trust, that is why I did it with him. I do not want to sleep with anyone random. We have known eachother for half a year now, and will without a doubt meet eachother several times in the future. I know this because we work together (part time). And yes, I know what you think, you should NEVER sleep with someone you work with. But it's not that big of a deal, and I made a choise, so did he. And that's not a problem, in my opinion. Before we had sex we did not talk with eachother all the time, we did not have an instant connection emotionally. We had fun together and definivly had a physical attraction towards eachother. So I always knew that this is not someone I imagine forming a romantic relationship with. Yes, I do like him, but I know the differense between lust and love. And this is lust. So my point is.. I want to sleep with him again. I want to have a casual relationship with him, friends with benefits. But after we had sex I have heared almost nothing from him (I have sent a few snaps, but just casual). But then again, we did not talk all the time before either. It's only been a few days, but I don't know what to expect. I suspect he is scared that I have developed feelings for him, but I know I did not do anything wrong. I know it's typical for a guy to pull away when you have sex, and that most likely it has nothing to do with me. But I want to be with him again, I really had fun. And I know the risk - I know the feelings can develop, but then I will just end it. I'm young and I want to have fun. What should I do..? Should I just forget it and move on with my life? Should I just wait and see what happens? I really don't know because this is the first time for me. I have only been in a long serious relationship before. Sorry about the errors.
  10. You’re right. Thank you. I just wish it wasn’t like this but it is so I have to accept the reality
  11. It’s not so easy for me to “just go out and date”. I’ve tried. And even though it was a text in the middle of the night it really didn’t feel that bad as you try to make it. But again, you’re right. I should have understood it, but of course I managed to show how interested I was. And if I had the chance to turn back time and don’t immediately show him how interested and naive I am I would. But I thought he was a nice guy, and I have very little experience. And after I’ve been alone a lot it makes it even harder.
  12. I see your points. And you’re right. But it’s been very casual and just talking and flirting, nothing serious. The thing is - we work together (just a part time job), and he is also the personal trainer to my mother haha. So we talked as “colleagues” - that eventually evolved. I’m maybe naive and lonely and that is why I let myself get into these situations. I’m not even sure I wanted a romantic relationship, if he was the right person for me. I just wanted to start of casual with us getting to know each other and to see where it goes. I’m just 21 years old. Ok, so I know it sounds stupid. And I think I will just distance myself from everything for a while to gain some perspective.
  13. The last few months I have been getting to know a new guy. We have been flirting and having a good time in each others company. Last week it started to develop. Suddenly, when he had been out drinking he texted me in the middle of the night and wanted me to come to him. I said no, because I'm not just a bootycall and it was so sudden and unexpected. We have not done anything other than flirt up until now. This happened on friday last week. On monday we met again, and we had a workout-session together. This was really nice and I was so happy. The last year has been really hard for me because of a bad breakup that has taken a very long time to get over. This is the first genuine chance I have on something new. The problem is: Yesterday I saw him again, randomly (we workout on the same gym). He was not as "contactseaking" (don't know the right word) as he usually is towards me and did not seem as happy to see me. I got so scared and thougt I had done something terribly wrong. I almost started crying. I realised I was acting a fool and decided to go to him and say hello. We talked abit, but we where both in the middle of the workout, so it was a brief conversation. He acted very normal. Ok. So based on all this I have realized something about myself. I terrified. I don't want to get hurt again, I don't want to do anything wrong that might chase this guy away. I can't stop thinking about him and I overanalize everything I do. I litterarly got a shock when I realized how fast everything has gone. I realize that I may not be as strong and independent as I thought. This last year I have developed alot, but know I see that I'm still pretty weak. I know this guy is interested, but I'm scared that I get too obsessed with everything and lose myself in the prosess. I really like this guy and after all I have been through, nothing would make me happier than to be able to be with someone (in a healthy way). I need help. I don't want to obsess, and I don't want to lose this oppertunity. (I'm sorry about the spelling..)
  14. Me and my ex broke up a year ago, after two happy years together. I was devastaded and desperate to get him back, Luckily I found this site early on when I searched the entire web for answers on how to get him back. For that reason I did not persue him and knew that NC was the key. We have met a few times and talked every other month, but be never (for some reason) talked about the breakup and "serious" stuff. We almost acted like nothing happend. I was scared to upset him and wanted him to talk about him if he felt like it. Both initiated contact. Now, one year after I feel different (obviously). It kinda bothers me that we never talked properly on what happened, but it's ok. There are things that I don't get. He did not wish me happy birthday, even though he talked to me everytime he struggled with someting, so I feel like he used me abit. He followes me on every soscial media, even though I unfollowed him on everything when we broke up. It's like he has "control" on my life and I don't understand why. I also suspect that he has another girl that he has been with since early after our breakup. I asked him one thing when we broke up and that is that we would be honest with eachother. Still he keeps me in the dark and I feel like he is hiding stuff from me. But of course it's his life and he do exacly as he likes. Anyway.. I'm slowly moving on and feeling good. I have improved alot since the breakup and learned form my mistakes. Sorry about the errors.
  15. My ex and I broke up almost one year ago. We have had limited contact the entire time. We were together for two years, and we had a wonderful relationship with good chemistry and alot of love and trust. But our lives changed and maybe we grew apart. We are young. He's 19 and I'm 21. I have struggeled this past year. I've been heartbroken and used alot of time and energy to try to heal and move on from the breakup. Yes, I did (do?) hope that we could get back together because it ended so suddenly for reasons I know are not permanent. But now I don't know.. Anyways.. He has contacted me from time to time, and I have contacted him. We have also met a few times. I realise now that almost everytime he contacted me he has struggled with something. When we were together he struggled with alot of things and I was always by his side and helped him. Maybe this is why he keeps contacting me when something is wrong, I don't know. But two days ago, it was my birthday. I was expecting something from him, not alot, only a short message to wish me a happy birthday. Since we have had contact, and there are no bad feelings between us (from my perspective at least) I saw this as a natural thing. But I got nothing from him. Not a word. And it made me think... Is he "using" me everytime he struggles with something..? Maybe I should stop answering him in the future? I'm really suprised because it is so unlike the person I thought i knew. Now I'm not sure what to do.. Any thoughts? I don't regret anything that I have done this entire year. I have worked and improved myself. I'm feeling better now than I ever had. I think I have come much further than what he has. Sorry for the errors.. English is difficult.
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