Why Cheat? What you should know...

[Belinda]

I did a bit of web surfing research, since Im getting over being cheated on and this helped me deal. Id like to hear what your perspective on this issue is

 

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In America alone, 80% of all Married men will cheat.

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According to link removed, the top 10 reason a man will cheat are:

10. His lady Doesnt put out

9. She cheated on him.

link removed's challenging and Exciting.

7. You can get away with it.

6. It boosts his ego

5. The Opportunity was there

4. His girl is a nag

3. Women let men do it.

2. She doesnt turn on him anymore.

1. He doesnt love her anymore.

(If you want to see the explainations for each of these reasons go to: link removed[/i]]Cheating Man Top 10)

 

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This aside, as i was browsing the internet I found a better top ten.

10 things you Oughta know about cheating. This is so much more worthy of a read, IMO. (It also includes cheating at school... sorry about that!)

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1. When you chat the person who gets hurt the most is you.

2. Cheating is a form of lying - if you cheat you are also a liar.

3. Just because others are cheating doesn't mean it is OK for you to do so.

4. When you cheat in school the short term reward may be a good grade but the long term effect of the action is denying yourself knowledge and the satisfaction of achievement.

5. If you feel the need to cheat in school it shows that you need help in that subject. Getting help will curb the urge to cheat and help you succeed in the long run.

6. Cheating in a romantic relationship is very un-cool. If you are uncommitted enough to cheat you should break off the relationship and save the other person a great deal of heart ache. The pain and humiliation of being cheated on is never worse than the pain of being broken up with.

7. No matter what you tell yourself about your reasons for cheating your motivations are purely selfish. Nobody ever cheats for the sake of another person.

8. Telling on a person who is cheating is not "ratting", especially when the cheating directly impacts the lives of others (for example: people cheating on a test that is graded on a curve, or your friend is cheating on his girlfriend). You are not doing anybody any favors by covering up for a cheater.

9. It is never too late to come clean about cheating. There will be consequences but when you admit to cheating you have already taken the first step toward making amends and others will respect that.

10. Cheating rarely occurs in isolation. It is a fact that it gets easier to cheat each time that you do it, especially if you don't get caught. The likelihood that a person will cheat again is directly related to whether or not they have gotten away with it in the past.

 

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So with this information in our heads - what is your stance with cheating?

Does anyone you know, or yourself, have any storys and experiences with cheating?

 

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ALSO - Have a read of these gys experiences with cheating (some of them will make you really sick!) link removed

[greenie35]

I just watched the movie "Closer" tonight. The emotion displayed in this movie was pretty realistic. If you've been cheated on you can probably relate to this movie. It's worth checking out. I watched Spanglish right after that...'nother great movie.

[Belinda]

Oh I definatly agree with you there. that was seriously a messed up movie/play.

Oh so ironic that I saw it at the cinema with my ex! *shudders*

It was one big circle of lies o_o;;;;

[DN]

I would like to see the 80% number confirmed by a proper study. But don't forget that women cheat as well. Let's not assume it's just men that are the bad people here.

 

My take on cheating is simple: it's wrong - don't do it. And it is equally wrong to be the person s/he cheats with (assuming you are aware s/he is cheating)

 

If a relationship has gone sour for some reason, then you should leave and find someone new, not vice-versa.

[Snarfnaj]

Ahh..cheating....In no way does it reflect on the person who's cheated on, yet the ones cheated on are often left to glue back together the pieces of their shattered hearts.

 

In a time where uncurable diseases are spread and where people turn more and more to drugs/alcohol to numb their spirits, cheating is almost promoted by television and magazines. It seems to be an okay thing to do. "Go ahead and have fun!" And worry about the consequences later.

 

Sometimes I long for the past, where two people would find eachother and made it work, no matter what. For better or for worse meant something back then. Now, I'm not saying that that was an ideal situation, but it seemed like people where more inclined to finish what they started instead of going a different direction at the drop of a hat.

 

Thing is, at the end of the day, we all know what kind of person we want to be and we know what's right or wrong. We better make sure that what's staring back at us in the mirror, is somebody we like and love. We're all human and we all make mistakes and sometimes it's hard to resist temptation, but we all know.....

 

I apologize...I didn't mean to preach or come accross as righteous. It's just that I see the results of careless "fun" around me everyday. And it @#% me off.

 

How do I feel about cheating? I think I made that clear. Was I cheated on? Three years ago and it tears me apart every day......

[SilverManic]

It's not always men that cheat but I wouldn't expect the number to be that high. I would never cheat on anyone I dated! I personally work on a bases 'do to others as you would have them do to you' so if you cheat on someone that would mean you want them to cheat on you (I don't think so some how).

 

Cheating is imoral and wrong. If your not happy in a relationship you talk it threw, try to work threw it or leave it. Not go off find some skinny pretty girl (or guy for that fact) and flee from the situation. For a start it's just rude! Secondly if you really love or loved that person how could you do that? People who cheat have no respect in my opinion.

 

People can change though, a cheater isn't always a cheater but I don't like it. Even once when my boyfriend joked about it I told him what I thought about it and told him not to joke again! It really upset me, I was hurt he even thought it was funny. But he respected that, tells me most things. Even told me he went into a strip bar with his friends (at a stag do) but I already knew because thats what men do on a stag do.

 

A healthy relationship is NEVER based on lies. You have to tell them everything and work with them for it to work. They are your best friend for the rest of your life. And why would you ever betray your best friend?

 

~S.

[Belinda]

Hey guys thansk for the feedback ^_^ Means alot to me to see other peoples perspectives.

id still love to hear what other people have to say about this issue too.

 

I was cheated on a year ago and it hasnt stopped hurting since. Grrr

 

Oh btw, sorry for only posting stats on men, I wasnt delibratly trying to be sexist or something, it just happened to be where I got the info only focus on men XP Sorry!

 

As for the 80% thing, I thought it seemed rediculous too. Il track down the direct link of the website I got ti off if I can manage to find it again...

EDIT: here we go, found the link I got the stats from, read for yourself...;

link removed

Shocking hey.

[Star.Bubblez]

From my point of veiw I think people who cheat on their girl/boyfriends are absolutly retarded! If people want to go out with someone while they are already going out with someone, why dont they just dump them instead of cheating? It would sure make it easier on the person they are cheating on. Does anyone agree?

[greenowl88]

It is really scary information to learn about. I am in a healthy, loving relationship, but I often times wonder why I'd be so lucky if my boyfriend never cheated on me. It's hard to tell myself that he never will, because for one) I don't know, and two) so many men do. My dad cheated on my mom and it caused their divorce. I trust my boyfriend, but sometimes I think about the chances I have that he will not cheat, and I get scared. I know if it happened it would just kill me.

[DN]

The problem with the article is that he doesn't cite where he got the statistics from - you would think a Ph.D would know better.

[Star.Bubblez]

Yes i know how you feel when I was going out with my ex I had to worry every-single-day about him cheating on me. 1)Because I was never there, never around 2)My friends cousin(his ex) hung around at his house all the time and 3)I heard alot of the same things about him cheating on me from ALL my friends and ALMOST all of his friends. It just freaked me out. And I felt as if he really was cheating on me and I knew in my instincts that he was . In which I broke down in tears one night. Just then my best friend called and heard me crying, and said in order to stop my tears was to dump him. and that she would find me a b/f who would treat me better and never cheat on me. And her pick was right, I dumped him and in 2 weeks I was moving on and happily going out with Jerry(my new boyfriend) who treats me MUCH better and loves me more than Jordan ever would. And he promises me that if he ever cheated on me he would kill hiself, and that he never would anyway because who would want to? He says he loves me and thats never going to change. In which I am very happy at my friends judgement because it got me to where I am today

[RayKay]

I don't hold much to the 80% stats, though I have heard ranges from 50-70% .

 

For females I have heard from 25-40%.

 

What I don't know is whether these are one time things, or long time affairs, but I am guessing either of them, nor do I know what they classify as cheating (ie sex, or just emotional)?

 

Yes there are people out there who see nothing wrong with cheating, or even consider it normal (as according to their culture for example, or upbringing). But there are also many, many people out there who would never even dream of it, and if things were bad in their relationship and not able to be fixed would leave before starting another relationship. I personally will never cheat, its not me at all....even if I am feeling down or neglected and so on. I work on that with my partner, not with someone else.

 

While sometimes those we pegged as the latter turn out to be cheaters, we can't label all men/women as cheaters based on that because there truly are good ones out there....and I believe you can truly learn what kind of person your mate is. And while there is never an "excuse" for cheating, it is also important to not take your partner for granted either....sometimes we get so settled into our lives, or make our children the focus, or just get so comfortable we forget how special our partner is, and they feel neglected and are more apt to turn elsewhere (even if just emotionally). So while there is no excuse...always remember why you felll for your partner in the first place and remind them!

[Belinda]

COuldnt have put it better myself RayKay

And DN, I dunno, I might edit the first post... the info on that site seems like a complete scare tactic

Maybe 50%, like RayKay said... but I think wed all know about it if it was 80% and the world had gone to hell by THAT much, yknow?

 

Strangly, I always thought after being cheated on, Id be the last person to admit this. But, I think I can learn to trust that there are guys that would never cheat. In fact, I know that there are guys that would never cheat.

Especially those women/men, who know how painful it is to be cheated on first hand. I believe they are least likely to cheat on you... in most cases anyway.

[DN]

Well, all I can say is that I never cheated - but I know plenty of men and women who have. I can't say I know a lot who haven't *how can you tell?) but I know plenty who appear not to have.

[ComputerGuy]

Personally I have never cheated, and never will cheat. I have however been cheated on and it is honestly the most horrible thing that has ever happened to me. My story is as follows:

 

I met a girl at work, found out she liked me, and as I liked her I asked her out. She was my first, and currently only, g/f and was the first time Id even held hands with a girl. Our relationship was fine in the beginning, and she talked me around to having sex eventually.

 

Fast forward a bit and we'd been together about 6 months when I got a boil (golden staph infection) and ended up with blood poisoning from it. I was in hospital for 2 weeks during which she visited me most days, and one Friday she came in and said she wouldnt be coming in that day as she was going out drinking with friends. I said no problem, kissed her good bye, and she said "I love you, see you later".

 

Next day my friend comes in and looked like he was really down, I asked him what was with the face as I was the one in hospital, to which he said "I dont know an easy way to say this, so get ready...last night I saw your g/f having sex with 2 guys in the back of a car", I asked if he was joking and he said unfortunately he wasnt.

 

I told the nurse that if anyone other than immediate family came to see me to tell them I wasnt allowed visitors (I know the nurses at the hospital...Im accident prone After I recovered enough from my surgery to go home I confronted her about it, she lied initially and then later told me that she did, and that it was unprotected, but it meant nothing and she didnt see what the big deal was.

 

As we worked together, and lived together, I had to see her every day and it got too much, I eventually broke down one Monday morning, called work, quit my job, and moved 4000km (2500 Miles) away.

 

To add insult to injury, she called me after I left on my mobile, and told me she was pregnant and that it was mine...I knew it wasnt as we always used protection and she had her period since we last had sex, but it still shook me up subconsciouly I started to panick about it.

 

I later found out this was a lie as well, and that she just wanted to hurt me, but not before I had a nervous breakdown, and had my Nanna find me sitting on the kitchen floor in tears with a knife to my wrists. After being forced into councelling by the hospital, I am over it now, thankfully, but I dont wish it on anyone and I sincerely hope it never happens to me again as I dont think I could handle that sort of pain a second time.

[Cecelius]

Mate, that's the worst story I've heard. Take heart though, a girl who will cheapen herself like that is basically not worth that much heartache.

[RandomAdvisor]

Oh man, that IS a terrible story. I'm sorry for you man. Glad it's all over now though.

[asdf]

I hate cheating. One of the toughest things I've ever had to do was when I had the biggest crush on a girl for a long time. When I finally asked her out, I found out she had a boyfriend, but she had also been interested in me for a long time. I was torn, cause I really hated the idea of cheating, but I really liked the girl too, and didn't want another guy to have her, especially if she liked me too.

 

In the end I knew it wasn't right, I blew her off. I wanted her to hate me, so she wouldn't have the thought of cheating at all anymore. I still liked her a lot, and tried to be a friend. It was so hard though, especially since I still liked her.

 

Anyway, I think I did the right thing, but I still wonder if it would've been so bad if I went out with her. Probably not. But I didn't want to let a girl make me compromise my own standards. I still think about her quite a bit, and whenever we meet, there's still a sense of attraction for each other, but it never feels right anymore. Sucks.

[arwen]

If I would ever be cheated on, I think the worst part would be the disillusion- the partner would be a completely different person to me- and not in a good sense. The shock that someone can be so double-faced, in fact.

 

 

 

Ilse.

[stressed1]

Hi Belinda,

 

Yes, I can fully believe those (well maybe bit too high), and if you then throw in the percentage of women that have affairs, which is less, and combine the 2 for the chances of a relationship surviving without either cheating, it comes out at an amazing 11% chance.

 

good that you have moved on, my story below for ur interest....very crazy one, would respect ur views and opinions, particularly regarding the state of their marriage......can anyone here find any love in that marriage?

 

I would like to share similar views and get some well rounded opinions on my current relationship..I will give you the outline, my thoughts and my intentions......

 

The situation......

 

I am the 3rd party in an affair, the girl i am with got married to her current husband in nov 2002, then started working at the same place as me, and started chasing me at work as soon as we met. i with held her advances until 6 months later, june 2003, allowing her time to know what she was doing. before we initially had se*, i told her when we do i consider your marriage over. she carried on. in the meantime, we have been seeing each other all this time, even going on holidays together.

 

the background between her and husband is complex and revealing. he was married before he met her, went bankrupt, had an affair with her and then got married. then she started seeing me. since they have been married now and during the time i have known her, he has had 4 affairs that I know of. maybe more. he has left home 3 times in this period as well. he works away 3-4 months at a time, and has gone away now, returning in september.

 

the business side of their life is also complex and sickening. her husband is bankrupt and thereforeeee the house and business are in her name. there is another partner involved, but he receives no money as being partner because the husband and wife team take it off him, without his knowledge. as the husband is bankrupt, she takes it off him and sends it to another country, where she came from. he has ideas she is doing this but hasnt formally checked or confronted her. he asks questions but that is it.

 

from my point of view i want her but it is extremely complex and a longer road than i thought. as there are fraud and theft implications in my view, as well as affairs going on, it clouds her decision to leave.

 

 

now, i would like general views on this subject and on the burning question in my mind as to what i should do. another question of major importance is what is he going to do in september, when he comes off the bankruptcy list. i am pretty certain he knows about her affair, pretty certain he knows she is cheating him of money, but hasnt been able to do much because he is bankrupt. in september, this could change, and i believe and hope that he will confront her with these issues.

 

read my story, put everything together and give me ur views pls, much appreciated!

[GettingOverIt]

Having been a cheater, I can say that first of all, I never, ever set out to be one. I did leave the home and was in the middle of getting the stuff together for divorce. Legally, morally, etc, things had not been finalized, thereforeeee, I was married and NOT legally separated (our state has very bizarre laws regarding all of this).

 

Anyway, after I met someone and that relationship went to he!! in a handbasket, I ended up going back home.

 

I never would have thought that I would have ever gone down that road. Some people have told me, 'well, you were in the process of divorce, etc etc,' but no matter how it gets sliced, it was what it was.

 

I have seen other people cheat on their spouses with no remorse, regrets, etc. Frankly, I do not understand how those people live with themselves... Even if my marriage does fail, and I end up on my own after all is said and done, I will forever have this experience in my head and in my heart.

 

Not everyone who cheats sets out to cheat. I agree whole-heartedly that no one should seek another person unless they are totally out of their current relationship. Never leave one person 'for' another person, in my opinion... That may mean 'missing' out on a potential love interest, but until you are free and clear, true trust cannot be achieved (again, in my opinion).... It may hurt like he!! to not be able to be with someone else, but for the sake of everyone involved - get out before you get back in...

[Lesson Learned]

I'm not sure where to start as there is a lot I'd like to share...I am/was a cheater. I don't cheat anymore and I'm sorry that I ever did. I was one of the lucky ones the woman that I cheated with cheated on me and I found out about it before it was too late. I returned home with my wife none the wiser...I am now a model husband. I feel lousy for what I did and what I put my wife though during the separation although she doesn't have any idea as to the whole story.

 

The other woman ended up divorcing her husband and had to file for a protective order against one of the guys she was seeing when she was seeing me. Her reputation has been forever tarnished and I thank God everyday that we didn't all end up with some kind of STD.

 

My advice to any man who thinks about straying...Don't!!!