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Please can someone help me understand what i Am feeling


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I have nobody by my side to help me. All my friends are now very happy starting new relationships, being in love etc. and I don’t want to bother them with my problems, so I think this forum may be actually a good idea. It’s the first time I’m trying it.


There is a guy I think I’m very in love with. He just stole my heart but we are not seeing each other. or at least not anymore. There was only sex between us, but after couple of months I felt something. And I think it wasn’t one sided. Well hell no it was one sided. I think he is very shy. And he is a good guy. But he’s not responsible, he’s a wild soul, not a relationship kind of a guy. We don’t match but we fit perfectly like my friend said. And it’s true, when we are together there are sparkles, even other people feel the connection between us two.

But I think he is damaged in some kind. Broken family. Drugs. He also thinks he can have every girl and probably he can. But the thing is I don’t think I can let him go and I mean by it my feelings toward him. I stalk him on social media. We are not together and I don‘t confront him about it, only harm I do is to myself when I see he follows some girl on instagram. This is not normal I know. But I miss him in every single way, I’m scared that this not a relationship kinda guy finds a girl he wants to be with. And I’m not that girl. And I don’t think I would handle it good. Because I know he likes fun. And I’m not jealous of all the girls who are interested in him and probably he is interested in them for one night. But I wish it was over between us but still I don’t want it. Can someone be that messed up? I just don’t know what to do. I started with deinstalling instagram... but I still go there over my laptop. Not that often but still. Can someone help me with some advice? Should I confront him with this what I wrote here?

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Well, over the years ENA has been recommending in a situation like this that you go total No Contact. Delete him from everything and stop looking at his social media. I mean, everything you've said has my alarm bells going off. You really haven't said anything positive about him. You really should be angry. He used you for sex and moved on. Your attraction is only a kind of emotional dependency on a bad boy. Have you previously suffered abuse? Some people equate abuse with love and it's the opposite. You really need to get over him.

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I did not, but I never had a real relationship and I think when I finally met somebody it hit me pretty hard.

I should delete him, I know that and I’m already processing with that. I reduced time spending on social media, so I can see as less as I can do. But with No Contact is still hard to me. But it comes. Thank you

There are things that are good about him, but I‘d rather focus on the bad things so it‘ll be easier for me to move on.

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What you are feeling is being in love with a guy you made up in your head. Even if you know that this guy isn't good news, you still think he has some good qualities and most of them are made up. You got close to this person through sex and that confused you to thinking there was something more to it. Sex does that. That level of intimacy makes us believe that there is more to what we have with that person.


It's good that you see the flaws in him. Whenever he pops in your mind, focus on those. You will manage to go NC, it's hard, but doable. Continue to write your thoughts in here, it helps, until you think that it reminds you more about him then it helps you work through your emotions.

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I found it helpful to reverse the order: get to know someone, and over time, find out where he stands with me and where I want to stand with him. If we're both in agreement on the kind of relationship we want to have with one another, THEN have sex--not the other way around.


Sex bonds me to a person, so I've made it my private policy to use care about learning who, exactly, I'll want to bond with--BEFORE I go there.


Head high.

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