Why am I even trying?

[Strudel595]

I'm constantly degraded and bullied, online and offline, I never leave the house because I know people are just going to harass me.

Just an hour and a half ago, I created a thread about some anime I like. It was concerning the drop in quality. It was shot down viciously, and the majority of people that commented attacked me and made fun of me. I just closed the thread and tried to move on, but I cant. I had already went through a lot the other day. This was the breaking point. I gave in and cried, even though I told myself not to do so many times.

 

No matter what I do, where i am, what I talk about, it's wrong, and I should feel ashamed for having any input.

That's the impression left on me after years of this type of thing.

I don't want respect. I just want love, and for someone to like me... I have a boyfriend and a handful of true friends. But I burden them all the time, and I want to become a better person, but when I try I slip up and worsen things.

 

We feel more distant each day. He tries coping with his life while trying to help with mine. I have clinical depression and isolate myself from others a lot. I'm nervous and unsure when I do speak to them. I can tell they find it annoying. I sought help for about 3 months but it didn't seem to be working, so I came off medicine and therapy.

What's worse is that every single friend I have are located states away. So I have no way of giving or receiving physical comfort. many people actually accused me of being a catfish because I didn't ever show live video of myself on camera. I caved in and finally did. They saw that I was being truthful, but I didn't feel any better. Actually, I was and still am very upset that they thought I was lying. It's been 5 years since I met everyone.

 

I don't know what my life is or what to do with it. I have a steady job, a few skills that I don't ever have the mood for to utilize, and I've graduated.

Graduation was the most depressing moment of my life.. I fought and struggled to pass High school. When I finally did.. I felt nothing. no sense of accomplishment. I was just empty. I pretended to be happy around my family, but I wasn't very happy at all. I don't know what's wrong with me... It feels like every feat I accomplish is just any ordinary day. People will still treat me the same, and I'll still hate myself. What am i supposed to do?

[Wiseman2]

Sorry to hear this. Spend much less time online seeking approval. Get back to a doctor and therapist and do not take yourself off medication. You have to discuss side effects. progress. etc with your doctor and therapist. Don't undermine yourself.

I have a boyfriend and a handful of true friends. I sought help for about 3 months but it didn't seem to be working, so I came off medicine and therapy.

[melancholy123]

Please get back to therapy as you seem to really need it. Life doesnt need to be as depressing as you make it seem to be. There's help out there if you take it.

[hyden]

Great advice provided. Also, the internet can be a ruthless place. You cannot share your opinions/feelings without being prepared for someone to shlt all over it. You have to look past those types of comments. Its the internet and people act out due to the anonymous nature of it. Perhaps avoid such interactions until you feel a bit stronger (after hopefully taking some of the above advice).

 

You mention never leaving the house because people are going to harass you? Not sure if I follow. What did you mean by this?