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Keep having dreams about other people


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My boyfriend and I have been together for 3 months now, we have a long distance relationship and he's my first boyfriend. I'm very much in love with him and I'm incredibly happy and thankful that I have him in my life because he's made such a positive difference for me. That being said, I keep having dreams where I'm flirting with other men and it's really starting to make me feel guilty. Sometimes they're people I know in real life who I used to have a crush on and sometimes they're strangers. It's never even very sexual-- last night I had a dream about just kissing some mans fingers. It makes me feel especially guilty because my boyfriend has dreams about me almost every night and I've had a few dreams about him but they're also often about other people. I think part of this may be coming from the fact that we're LDR so I'm craving physical touch, but in that case why aren't I dreaming about physical touch with him? I do also sometimes fantasise about other men touching me while I'm awake, but it's always on the condition that my boyfriend /tells/ me to have sex with his closest friends (the thought of having sex with someone without him specifically telling me that he wants me to do it makes me feel dirty and gross). I guess I like the idea of being shared around his inner circle but at the end of the day still being his. This isn't something he would entertain-- he knows I like the idea of other men seeing my body (not something he likes, but he's willing to compromise with me) but I've never told him that I want him to let his friends touch me. He and I both definitely don't want a non-monogomist relationship, but I don't know why I keep having dreams about others (I'm very much in love with him and the thought of us ever breaking up hurts me more than I can express) and I don't know what to do about the fantasizing situation.

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Oh, boy. Have you ever met your "boyfriend" in person? And how old are you? People get caught up in fantasy online relationships, but they aren't real. Dating sites even have "chat bots" where you're sexting a computer, not a real person. My advice is always to have a real relationship with a real person who lives in your area where you can go on dates, hold their hand, look into their eyes and be intimate with.


A Freudian would say that your dreams are telling you that you crave human touch, as you guessed. In other words, you're horny. Also you might be a bit kinky. A lot of women in long-term relationships sometimes fantasize about having sex with other men, particularly when having sex with their boyfriend/husband as a way of spicing up their sex life. It's just a fantasy and it doesn't mean you actually want this. Enjoy the fantasy without any guilt. It doesn't mean much other than you're having normal sexual urges.

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You crave physical contact, as many do, and since he's not there in your presence these other guys are popping in your dreams. Dreaming in an of itself isn't something you should feel guilty about; it's whether or not you actually try to make those dreams come true that matters.


You've clearly had a conversation with your boyfriend about this if you know he doesn't like the idea of sharing you but is "willing to compromise." Acting on those desires is an entirely different ball of wax from your fantasies and dreams.


How far apart are you, how old are you both, and how often to do you spend time together in person?

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