How long did it take you to feel love for another again?

[donkeys]

It's been close to a year since my ex left me. For about 3 months after that I tried my hardest to win her back, I loved her so much and would have done anything if it meant we could be together again. Eventually through persuasion from my friends and family I cut contact with her, though she still continued to attempt to contact me for several months afterwards, sometimes guilt tripping me, asking why I didn't love her or care about her anymore. Eventually I stopped responding entirely, and she stopped trying to contact me.

 

It's been about 6 months since then. I don't know where she is, how she's doing, or anything. I haven't attempted to contact her, haven't checked her social media, nothing.

 

I refuse to lie to myself however. Though my love for her has faded somewhat, it's still there. If she contacted me tomorrow and asked if we could be together again, I would very likely say yes without a second thought. Though I know this is just a fantasy, it's never going to happen. And I've accepted that.

 

Since our breakup I've gone on a few dates and slept with one woman, though I felt nothing for any of them. My ex remained in my mind the entire time, and still does. Because of that I've kind of just lost interest in romance entirely for the time being. As I close in on the one year mark I'm growing discouraged, I feel like being able to feel love for another again is going to take a very long time.

 

What about you? How long did it take for you to feel love for another again after your ex?

[AbbyN]

It took me about a year and a half. I too gave up on the idea of a relationship and out of the blue my bf came and made me believe in love again. It takes time. You're doing great with having no contact. Any kind of contact prolongs getting over someone.

[SweetGirl28]

I'm sorry :( it takes time, and when you truly love someone, there isn't anyone who can replace them.

It's difficult to overcome but eventually someone will cross your path that you will love, maybe not in the same

way, but there's a chance you may love a new person even more than whom you loved prior.

 

I've only felt real true love twice, the first was my high school sweetheart and the second was recent, with

nearly two decades in between. I was married and in other relationships where the true feeling of love wasn't

there like it's supposed to feel. I'm seven months post break up and can't connect with anyone I've gone on dates

with either. I guess when someone is removed from our life, we don't put them out of hearts as easily.

 

Don't give up. I know it's discouraging to keep dating different people, but how else will you find love again?

[Reyhoney]

Took me about two years to get over one of my tough breakups. Like you; it was toxic. The back and forth, the drama, the helplessness and almost disbelief that this is really happening and that it’s really over, like a cosmic joke was being played on you, a really nasty one.

 

I found out yesterday that he got engaged (even though he said it would take him years to forget me, it took him probably less than a year and a half).

 

I expected to be heartbroken but I wasn’t.. I knew he had started dating someone, but seeing he’s getting married, I chuckled. Honestly, I was like way to go dude, happy for you! I thought you’d end up alone forever (his own words, not mine).

 

Only main reason I felt nothing is because I’m in love with someone else now. See? This is honestly what it takes to let go of someone.

 

Sometimes it’s comforting to think that your ex is probably also still not over you. That doesn’t mean you both will reunite again, but it means that your love meant just as much to her as it did to you.

[donkeys]

Hey everyone, thank you for the stories and encouragement. Reading about others moving on from their exes and past relationships and finding love again helps me immensely in coping with the grief. I know the odds are probably in my favor, in that I will likely find another to love again, a love more true and real than anything I shared with my ex.

 

But until then it is profoundly difficult to even imagine such a thing, especially when my heart still aches at even the slightest thought of my ex.

[rosephase]

It took me three years to get over my first break up (and I did the breaking up). We were only together for two years. For awhile I just thought I would never love someone again. It took falling in love with someone else to really truly get over my ex. But I wasn't heartbroken for three years. I was heart broken for a year and a half. And then just normal but not finding any deep connections for another year and a half. I had fun while I was recovering. I explored. I found out a lot about myself and kept growing. Healing isn't just the period of time when it hurts. It can take a lot of different shapes.

[Honeycomb8]

Took me three years to love again after I broke up with first guy I loved. I dated around abit and had a relationship in that time but I still didn't feel anything. It's not meant to be easy. If you can love again so quickly, it probably showed you didn't truly love them in the first place. This time around, its been basically two years since my last long term relationship and though I'm over the guy (been over him for over half a year) and I've had a couple of relationships in this time, I'm yet to fall in love again. I just think your heart grows weary.

[donkeys]

Took me three years to love again after I broke up with first guy I loved. I dated around abit and had a relationship in that time but I still didn't feel anything. It's not meant to be easy. If you can love again so quickly, it probably showed you didn't truly love them in the first place. This time around, its been basically two years since my last long term relationship and though I'm over the guy (been over him for over half a year) and I've had a couple of relationships in this time, I'm yet to fall in love again. I just think your heart grows weary.

 

That's kind of what I'm afraid of...becoming weary of love. I'm still young yet, I'm 25. I've only had two long-term relationships, and only three actual relationships in total (one was a very, very brief one). The first long-term relationship I will admit, I never fell in love with her. We were very close and I cared about her a lot, but I know for sure we were never in love, and she confirmed the same sentiment. And so when we split up, it was very easy to move on and even remain friends for a time (we eventually drifted apart just due to life).

 

But with my last ex...we were together for so long. And I grew closer to her than I ever have anyone else in my entire life. I loved her more than anything, and would've sacrificed anything if it meant I could see her smile one more time. So I guess that technically means she was the first person I've ever fallen in love with, so I've never really felt heartbreak before until recently. I've felt heart ache and rejection, but never to these levels.

 

I feel like I'm a little young to consider marriage, and my ex and I never really talked about it. But we had talked about spending our lives together before, and she for so long seemed to adore the idea as much as I. We were in love, best friends, and it seemed like it would stay that way.

 

But now that she's gone and I know there's no hope of her ever coming back, I don't want this experience to make me jaded, or weary of love. I don't want to feel apprehensive about falling in love again in case I get hurt or eventually grow bitter about romance (like a friend of mine, who views all relationships as fake or destined to fail. He also believes love doesn't really exist).

 

I know it's only been a year, and it took you three years to get over your first love, and several years for the next. And you're not the only one, it seems for most people it takes a few years to fully be free from the pain of a broken heart. I'm fully prepared to go through this pain if it will help me heal, and find love again in the long run.

 

I know my next relationship might be kind of a fake one...or at the very least, my heart might not be as into it as I want it to be even if I try my hardest. But I hope that somewhere down the line I'll be able to find someone who will make me forget my ex ever existed. I sound so blissful talking about her earlier in my comment, talking about how we'd always be together forever and all that...but I know our relationship wasn't perfect.

 

Our breakup was definitely out of the blue for me, but at the same time we did have issues in our relationship. It wasn't impossible, and though those issues were very easily workable...she simply wasn't willing to put in the same effort that I was into repairing it. That tells me a lot about her and the relationship, as much as I love her. And how perhaps in the end it didn't mean as much to her as it did to me. And as sad as that sounds, that makes it slightly easier to bear.

[donkeys]

It took me three years to get over my first break up (and I did the breaking up). We were only together for two years. For awhile I just thought I would never love someone again. It took falling in love with someone else to really truly get over my ex. But I wasn't heartbroken for three years. I was heart broken for a year and a half. And then just normal but not finding any deep connections for another year and a half. I had fun while I was recovering. I explored. I found out a lot about myself and kept growing. Healing isn't just the period of time when it hurts. It can take a lot of different shapes.

 

That's a good point. In the year since my ex and I have been broken up, I've accomplished more than I ever did during the previous 24 years of my life before this period. Some of it was to distract myself, but a lot of it was to prove to myself that I wasn't a screw up and that I had what it took to achieve my dreams and become a good person. If I listened to my ex who constantly told me things like "knowing my limits" and how attending the schools I wanted "was for kids who got good grades in school, had tons of extra curriculars, and who had a strong passion for it", and how I simply didn't fit that bill...I'd probably still be wallowing in self pity.

 

I don't think she said things like that out of anger or to hurt me, she was just a very blunt person. I'll admit my drive wasn't the strongest, but I'm glad I was able to prove what she said wrong regardless. I'm attending a school I've always wanted to for my dream job, which took years of scraping and saving money for. I live in my own house (apartment) now for the first time (my ex and I used to live together), something I was never able to afford before, but now I have a much better job and can afford it.

 

I'm happy about the things I've done...even though it's still difficult for me to be proud of myself for any of it, or feel like I deserve it. But that's just depression and self pity talking, I guess.

 

I'm certainly growing as a person without her, for better or worse. Where that leads remains to be seen, but for the time being it doesn't lead to another relationship. My heart still aches at the thought of her, and I know it wouldn't be fair for me to begin another relationship with someone if I wasn't giving it my all. Maybe someday though, hopefully someday that is. I'd rather find love again someday than not, hah.