“I don’t know”

[Kam11]

Me and my boyfriend have been going out for about a year and 9months now. He began to change and I looked past it. Not change in a bad was but he got a new job was more busy didn’t have time so I understood what he was going through. He recently became more quiet and didn’t talk to me as much and then a few nights ago I asked him to talk to me and tell me how he felt so I couldn’t understand. He said that I should give up on him because he’s upset that we can’t get married in the future due to cultural reasons. And that both our parents would prefer us to marry someone of the same culture which has really been playing on his mind. He said he was unhappy because of it. Recently since he got busy we haven’t been able to see eachother as often whereas before we saw eachother twice/once a week compared to once every 5 weeks.

 

I thought this had caused the connection to go and believed it would come back as he is going to be more free this year. He says he doesn’t know to pretty much any question I ask him like “don’t you think it’ll change” “what does your heart want” “what does your head want” because he said he doesn’t know I ended it with him because he should know what he wants... Me. I’m just very confused and need some advice on what to do since I know he loves me but even though he’s unhappy continues to call and talk to me and says he still wants me in his life? It’s making me go around in circles. So any advice given would really help!

[Wiseman2]

Sorry to hear this. What is the cultural difference? Is it you or he that must marry within your own culture? Even though he strung you along all this time, it's good he finally came clean. Don't be his friend or stay in touch. As you know, his parents are probably finding/introducing him to women who he will eventually marry. If you refuse to let go, he may continue to use you for sex until then.

He said that I should give up on him because he’s upset that we can’t get married in the future due to cultural reasons. even though he’s unhappy continues to call and talk to me and says he still wants me in his life?

[snkv]

Me and my boyfriend have been going out for about a year and 9months now. He began to change and I looked past it. Not change in a bad was but he got a new job was more busy didn’t have time so I understood what he was going through. He recently became more quiet and didn’t talk to me as much and then a few nights ago I asked him to talk to me and tell me how he felt so I couldn’t understand. He said that I should give up on him because he’s upset that we can’t get married in the future due to cultural reasons. And that both our parents would prefer us to marry someone of the same culture which has really been playing on his mind. He said he was unhappy because of it. Recently since he got busy we haven’t been able to see eachother as often whereas before we saw eachother twice/once a week compared to once every 5 weeks.

 

I thought this had caused the connection to go and believed it would come back as he is going to be more free this year. He says he doesn’t know to pretty much any question I ask him like “don’t you think it’ll change” “what does your heart want” “what does your head want” because he said he doesn’t know I ended it with him because he should know what he wants... Me. I’m just very confused and need some advice on what to do since I know he loves me but even though he’s unhappy continues to call and talk to me and says he still wants me in his life? It’s making me go around in circles. So any advice given would really help!

 

Long distance relationship = 95% fail rate. Trust me, I have went through this already.

 

And I know for a reason, that the cultural difference reasons and your families coping with them, is simply not possible. You will both always feel miserable. Unless you escape your families, like in the movies (but we all know how this works out).

 

No matter how much you love him and he loves you, the world will tear you apart. Life sucks.

 

Move on, find someone that follows your religion/culture.

 

Breakups are never easy, I am going through a second serious relationship breakup now.

 

It something is meant to be, it will be.

 

I hope you guys thrive together.

[DanZee]

Well, I think the relationship has ended and you guys have to realize it and move on. Tell him that talking is just making you sad and is hurting you. That he should go his way and you should go your way and that you're both free to date other people. Make it a clean break so you can go on with your life.

[annie24]

I'm sorry. It does sound like breaking up was for the best. However, staying in contact isn't the best because it's not letting you move on. I would go no contact with him and focus on your healing and eventually, dating someone who will be a better match for you and who will want a future together.

[Kam11]

I’m Pakistani and he’s Bengali. I don’t see it as a big deal being from two different cultures but my parents and his parents do. He just had hope we’d get married until now 😩