Need Advice

[bhundle1]

The last 6 months have been the craziest roller coaster. My ex and I got together and it was a whirlwind of dates, vacations together, meeting friends, my calling him my boyfriend and us making plans to visit my family. But he never called me his girlfriend. During the course of our relationship he mentioned going to Miami with his friends to fish over new year's. Every time I would ask who's going he'd act sketchy and say it's not like you know them, they're just friends. At first I was upset he was missing new year's eve, but then we made a deal as long as he was back for my bday on 1/2 he could go. Flash forward to our first fight when I found out that he had booked the trip over my birthday and said that he didn't think it was a big deal. We got into a big fight over it and stopped talking for a few weeks. He started telling people we were over while I was telling them we were just taking a break. Then we talked, and things seemed to be ok, we went back to dating and had a great date, but then he started acting cold and standoffish right before his trip. While he was on his trip I found out his ex gf was also on the trip, which broke my heart since I knew he had been lying to me all along about it being a boys trip. I tried to confront him about it, but could only do so over text (which he never responded to) as I was leaving for a trip myself as soon as he returned. On my flight back home right now he's now changed his relationship status on Facebook to single. I'm devastated. No conversation, no nothing, this is someone who was talking marriage and saying I love you to me less than 2 months ago. How do I respond? I want closure, I want answers, I want anything.

[DanZee]

Well, I question your statement saying "we made a deal as long as he was back for my bday, he could go." You were only dating for 6 months, why did he have to get your permission to go off on a trip? And obviously you don't trust him to go off on a vacation that included his ex. So you're also jealous as well. And I'm guessing it was you who got into the big fight because he didn't do what you wanted. Obviously he didn't want to tell you his ex was part of the trip because you would explode just like you did.

 

Unless you have more information about this, like he slept with his ex on the trip, I would advise you to get a handle on your jealousy and learn to not try to control and manipulate any future boyfriends. Unless you're married, you don't have a right to tell a boyfriend what to do and what not to do. So that's your closure. Look for another boyfriend and control yourself.

[DaisyMayPorter]

When you say 6 months, have you only been dating 6 months?

[bhundle1]

DanZee you're a total idiot and clearly need to get a grip on your hatred for women. HE asked ME if it was ok if he went to Miami as we had other plans for NYE. He said it was going to be a boys fishing trip and lied about the fact it was actually all couples, plus him and his ex, so yes in any relationship I expect the person saying I love you to me daily to actually not lie to my face about his ex gf going on a "boys trip." Especially when I asked him point blank who was going and he said only dudes. I spoke to him today and he apologized for lying to me, he said he didn't know how to tell me even though nothing happened while he was on the trip. That he's just not himself right now and needs time to sort it all out as he's also dealing with a death in the family. I hope he's able to fix himself and not lie to me anymore.

[Wiseman2]

Sorry this happened. Was he on the rebound when you met? It seems his plan was to get the ex back all along. He was deceptive about things. Dump him, no contact, block him on everything.

TWhile he was on his trip I found out his ex gf was also on the trip, which broke my heart since I knew he had been lying to me all along about it being a boys trip.

[ShatteredMan]

This guy is clearly not trustworthy. What he's dealing with in his personal life is irrelevant and could just be a weak smokescreen.

 

I was in a relationship once where she all of a sudden wanted to do nothing but go on "girls night out". I knew what that meant and I dropped her like a brick into a lake.

 

If you have any of his stuff, drop it off unannounced and go No Contact ala Wiseman's advice.

[bhundle1]

Sorry this happened. Was he on the rebound when you met? It seems his plan was to get the ex back all along. He was deceptive about things. Dump him, no contact, block him on everything.

 

He was actually two months out of a relationship with a different women when I met him. Not this ex and we were friends for awhile because of that before we jumped into a relationship, his more recent ex he talks very poorly about and says he never thought they'd end up together. The one he went on a trip with was much more serious, but they haven't been together for a few years.

 

When he talked to me he told me he just needs to be alone while he figures himself out, but that it's important that I know they did not share a room, they did not hang out together, and they barely spoke apart from needing to be around mutual friends, that he never did anything untrustworthy. Idk if that's true or not since I'm not even sure what he lied about and what he didn't anymore. He keeps saying he didn't lie, he just didn't feel it was worth bringing up since she wasn't who he went to hang out with.

 

It's all just so confusing. He just abruptly changed his status to single on Facebook and removed every post that ever involved me. Why do that if you're not trying to get with someone else? I asked him why and he said "because I wanted to, I don't need a reason." How do you go from saying I love you to someone to two weeks later changing your status to single and removing every post (although not defriending me) if nothing happened....