Dying inside

[alonegirl]

I am not doing well. I can't stop thinking about my ex. I try to be angry that he broke off our 4 years to be with somone else but I just can't. I am so hurt I feel it deep down in the pit of my stomach. It has been three weeks I haven't heard a word from him and I haven't called him. I keep hoping he will call me and tell me he misses me but nothing. That is so hard. I think I really just want the phone call to know that he didn't just forget about me, to know that maybe he thinks about me. But in realty I know he probably doesn't because he has her to distract him. He had totally moved on and it just kills me inside. How does someone just walk away and move on with their life without second thought. We had all these future plans, we lived together, did everything together and my whole life has been uprooted. I don't even have the energy to try and make myself feel better, to pick myself off the floor and move on. The fact that he allowed this person to come in between us just bothers the hell out of me, the fact that he did this period just hurts so bad. I just wish he could have been honest with me, if he wasn't happy he should of just told me that when he began feeling unhappy rather than wait around until someone came along and then break up with me. I just want him to realize what a mistake he has made and my fear is that he will never think that. I know I shouldn't concern myself with that but I do for some reason. I so badly want to call him and confront him with all this but it takes everything I have not to. I'm sure I wouldn't get the response I want anyways. I want the response of "I'm so sorry and I'm so stupid I love you and you are the best thing that ever happened to me" I know it's dumb to feel this way I should be angry.

[i_need_a_miracle]

Congratulate yourself on not calling, thats an amazing thing not to do. It takes pride and strength although your probably feeling neither at the moment.

Its natural to feel like part of you (or all) has died. Im not going to offer cliches because Im sure u dont really need to hear them right now

Just want u to know that your not alone.

[greenowl88]

I am so sorry this has happened to you. I wish that there was something I could say to make you feel better. You have to try to be stronger than what you're going through. I truly believe that things happen for a reason. Even though it is hard to think about it right now, but because he was capable of causing so much hurt for you, he isn't worth the tears. I don't know why some of us have to go through the things we do. I can't explain why we are forced to go through these hardships in our lives. The only thing that gets me through is knowing that it will make me stronger in the long run. There IS someone out there that could never hurt you the way your ex did. You are better than him, and you ARE strong. It WILL be ok.

 

My heart goes out to you.

[opendoor]

i know what you're going through. the same thing happened to me a couple of months ago. my fiance told me she was in love with someone else. we reconciled, but i couldn't find it in me to forgive her, no matter how i tried.

 

i know you are probably having panic attacks, can't sleep, etc. i wish i could tell you there was an easier way. i don't think there is.

i too, after all of this, still think i will get a call that will make everything ok. sometimes the damage done is to extensive. and would you ever be able to trust again, even if you did get that call?

 

please take care of yourself. the pit is the worst part to get through.

[opendoor]

i know what you're going through. the same thing happened to me a couple of months ago. my fiance told me she was in love with someone else. we reconciled, but i couldn't find it in me to forgive her, no matter how i tried.

 

i know you are probably having panic attacks, can't sleep, etc. i wish i could tell you there was an easier way. i don't think there is.

i too, after all of this, still think i will get a call that will make everything ok. sometimes the damage done is to extensive. and would you ever be able to trust again, even if you did get that call?

 

please take care of yourself. the pit is the worst part to get through.

[Rainz]

I really feel it for you. All I can say is take each day as it comes. I'm on a month of NC with my ex and I miss him terribly.

 

I understand how you feel, you start to question if they were even real with you if they could just move on as though you never existed, I wonder if they have any compassion when it happens like that.

 

There are many useful articles on this site under the break up section. I's recommend that you read them.

[egirl2005]

Dear alone girl:

 

I wish I could offer you some advice, but I'm not sure I can. In my case it's a 13 year marriage with a six year old son and a husband who's left to live with his 45 year old mistress and her 4 kids. I understand that you want some explanation some reason why he did this, why he didn't try to fix the problem first, but he may not know himself, you also want him to come back begging on his knees, too just realize what he throwing away but reality is he may never realize that.

 

You have to understand that he's moved on because for him this has been going on for a while, maybe not verbally with you but in his head and heart he was dealing with this. You my dear are still in the beginning stages, you are grieving and mourning for what could have, should have might have been. Some real answers would have made this easier but since you don't know why you are going to have to take time to heal. Your energy will be low, so will your self esteem even though this has nothing to do with you. It really doesn't!

 

My question for you is a hard one and trust me I'm not trying to be cruel because I am having to ask myself the same question. Do you really want him back because things were so wonderful or do you want him back because you don't want her to win or possibly because the unknown future is so much scarier then what you know with him.

 

I think you are incredibly strong to not have called him, I have called my husband to argue with him just because I want to hear his voice. (pitiful I know) I am proud of the fact that I have never called this woman. I have the added burden of having met her because she works in his office with him. Don't call him, if he comes back it will have to be because he realizes his mistake. He will just resent you right know because he is only thinking of himself, if he has to talk to you then he feels guilty and he will take it out on you. (Trust me I know)

 

I wish you peace of heart, mind and soul. He not worthy of you.

 

I friend who knows what I'm going through sent me this quote.

 

Women are like apples. The best apples are at the top of the tree but men are afraid to climb to the top for fear of falling so they pick the easy apples off the ground. The apples at the top of the tree think something is wrong with them, there is nothing wrong with them they just have to wait for a man brave enough to climb the tree.

 

 

P.S. Men are like grapes. You have to stomp the *$ out of them before they become a wine suitable to service with dinner.

[Wimpy]

Egirl2005 - GREAT quote! I loved it

 

Alone Girl - there are so many of us on this site going through something similar. My ex broke up with me in an e-mail after he'd used me for 2 years whilst he was in my country studying. He left at the end of January and 10 days before I was due to go and see him he e-mailed me breaking up!

 

It's nearly 3 weeks since that e-mail and I guess very very slowly I can see a glimmer of hope. I've had to try and come to terms with the fact that he isn't coming back - he's made his choice and that's it for him. As someone said we are just beginning to come to terms with the loss - they've been thinking it over for far longer.

 

Today I sent my ex the first e-mail since his breaking up with me. I'd written loads but never sent them and then today I sat and wrote one that told him what he had done but it was calm and not vindictive. I'm hoping that will give me closure. I wasn't asking for him to come back. I'm also trying to come to terms with the fact that anyone who could do that sort of thing to a person they professed to "love" isn't worthy of them. We are ALL worth far more than that.

 

Give yourself time to grieve but try and fill your time with something other than replaying it over and over and over. I've been off work with depression since it happened and this week (week 3) I've tried to go out every day and do something - have a coffee with a friend, see a family member - something. I'm hoping to get back to work next week and take another step along the long, long, long road of recovery.

 

We're all along the road with you and we're all cheering each other on. When one falls we stop and pick them up.

 

In time we may even look back and see how incredibly far we've come.

 

Don't despair, be strong and it will get better.

[DN]

IP.S. Men are like grapes. You have to stomp the *$ out of them before they become a wine suitable to service with dinner.

I am sorry that your husband left you and understand you are bitter. But this comment is sexist and personally I find it very offensive.

[UGH1607307217]

well, you are not alone girl,

 

I really didnt think anyone had the exact same story as I did, down to he started seeing someone he worked with...

 

 

 

(if you wish to read)

 

Hang in there, Im still not 100% and yes I still have some REALLY bad days, its been 8 months (after 5+ years)...I know that doesnt sound hopeful but I have had ALL the same thoughts as you (everything you said in your first post), still do somedays. But other days are really good. Youre only 3weeks into breaking up maybe you are a stronger person than me and you will be over him in another two days, two weeks or two months. Just dont be hard on yourself, you love him, its not that easy to just shut off feelings. Try and keep busy, rely on your friends, focus on you right now. Easier said than done right?, and its the same advice that everyone else gives, but its true and I am TRYING to follow that same advice myself.

 

Hang in there, send me a msg if you need to vent.

[coolcol]

Hi Alone Girl, I Am so sorry to hear of your sad situation, life can be so cruel at times, unfortunately human beings can do the most hurtful things to one another it almost makes you feel like giving up on everything at times.

 

But as sad as things are now they will improve, slowly each day you will get stronger.

 

While things are the way they are now you need to try and get out and meet up with friends, good friends who you can talk to, at this time you really need to talk and share your pain, it will do you good to tell other human beings like us guys and girls on this forum about your situation.

 

How someone can forget so many happy years and abandon the very person they once claimed to love can seem hard to understand.

But humans are governed by emotional needs and desires......along with all the associated feelings and behaviour that such emotions bestow.

 

People fall in and out of love for many different reasons and trying to work out WHY someone fell out of love with you can be a very painful and self inflicting process which only serves to malke you feel worse, you get angry, resentful, regretful etc etc.....without really acheiving any positive effects at all. You can mentally torture yourself over and over.

 

 

Its a long, lonely and hard road many of us her at ''enotalone.com'' have travelled before reaching the goal of moving on and acceptance of our failed relationships sometimes there is a reconciliation, others just completely move on..........unfortunately you will have to find an inner strength to continue each day and then each week etc before you may understand if ever the reasons your guy left, but you can do it.

 

A broken heart is one of lifes most horrible and painful experiences and may take some time to mend, you will feel like you are really ill with adrenaline rushing around in your body at times, its easy to say you have to be strong they are just words right?........but the truth is you DO have to try and be strong, talk, get out and go to friends, talk on this forum, talk until you get tired of it!...share your pain and feelings you need to talk at this stage........ try not to despair too much, try and take your mind of things as much as you can by doing other things to occupy it.

 

I wish you all the best in the next few days and weeks (it will be hard!) and always remember this forum is full of people who were/are like you in your pain and suffering and always here to listen and try and help........all the best...........Colin.

[Irishgal]

I know that sometimes people state that they know how you feel when they have no idea what you've been though.

 

For me I can actually state that I know how you feel. I was married to what I thought was a wonderful man. We had a great marriage as far as I thought. Of course we argued who doesn't. But I never thought that we would end our marriage in a divorce after 14 years of being together.

 

Two years ago we filed for a divorce. I myself was very upset and wasn't at all expecting it. Before he asked for the divorce we had planed on moving from one state to another. We packed our belonging little by little over a period of months. The words divorce never came up after we moved my husband stood in our new home and started telling me how great of a wife I am. How much he loved me and how much I was always there for him. He said all this sweet stuff to me and then all of a sudden he said he wanted a divorce. I was shocked. I didn't know what to say. I asked him if it was another women he said of course not. He said it wasn't anything I did but never really gave me a real good reason as far as I'm concerned. I said how could you tell me you love me then request a divorce. I kicked him out.

 

Over the period of going through the divorce my pig headed husband came by on our Anniversary date with a greeting card and a gift. I freaked out. It was like I requested the divorce and he was trying to make he's way back into my heart. Again I kicked him out. From time to time I heard from him but not that often. In the beginning it was hard for me. Especially sleeping alone after all those years and living in a new place. There have been many many nights that I went to bed crying and just saying out load why why did this happen to me. Even the day that when we first filed for the divorce was weird we held hands walking down the sidewalk to the building like we where still in love and where going to get married. I should of pulled away but I didn't and that's the last time I held he's hand.

 

About a year later he contacted me and stated he wanted to talk. I will not allow him in my home so I agreed to meet in person at a public place. We talked and talked since then but only when he calls. He tells me that he made the biggest mistake in he's life when he did what he did. All I have to say to him was he should of realized he's mistake from start if he loved me as much as he states. People that love one another do not leave one another. He told me a long time ago to get on with my life. So I listen and got on with it. I know love someone else very much. More than I ever loved my husband. Something about the guy I'm now seeing is unbelievable he is a real dream come true. Like my prince charming. Mr. Lovable husband stated many times to break it off with this guy stated that he has more rights than Price Charming. States that I should return to him. This will never happen I will never return to a man that I cannot trust.

That's the main reason why I wouldn't even think about returning to him I lost the trust. What if I went back and he left me again I couldn't take it. Even if Price Charming left I rather be alone.

 

Well, I'm sorry for going on and on about this. But you'll be okay. But now for the shocker and this shocker was worse than even being asked for a divorce. My husband called me a few weeks ago and in a conversation when he offered me money which I turned down he stated why won't you let me help you out. I stated to him to leave me alone you requested a divorce and you got it now go on with your life and get out of mine. Just when I was about to hang up he said that we were never divorced that there is no final judgment I freaked out started crying and this was while I was at work. I took it much harder than being asked for the divorce. I thought I died. I called him a few not nice words which I've never done before when it came to him. I didn't even ask why I just hung up on him. Since then I've changed my phone number so he cannot contact me unless he tries my job but he hasn't. One day I will have to get a divorce but for now I don't have the money and as long as he doesn't bother me I'm fine. I thought that when I told Prince Charming that I was still married that he might leave but he never did and he doesn't bring it up. I really don't know what he thinks since we don't talk about it.

 

Well, I'm getting a little sad thinking of all this and my Wedding Anniversary is coming up soon and that day I'm not looking forward to.

 

Bye for now. Chin up you can do it girl. Man I just hit the preview screen and cannot believe all that I wrote and this is a short version LOL. Take care all.

[hurtwou]

hunny, I know how you feel completely, my boyfriend who is now my ex broke it off with me for another girl, we had all these future plans, and he tore it all to shreds. I am so hurt and I cant get over it being hes now with my best friend Courtney. I cant stand seeing them together, I mean why didnt he just tell me he was unhappy and not wait for another girl then break up with me, I cant give you advice on how to get over it, becuz im still waiting for that myself, but lets be strong together, we can overcome it...

[egirl2005]

 

 

Dear DN:

 

You are absolutely right that comment wasn't fair, there are some wonderful men out there and my husband used to be one of them.

 

I wouldn't say that I was bitter, bitter to me implies long term unresolved anger. I am hurt, confused and lonely.

 

Maybe I made it sound like I have been dealing with this for a while but I haven't. My husband told me 6 weeks ago that he was having an affair. In those 6 weeks he continued to lie about who the affair was with (a woman in his office, he sees her everyday) he has also come home 5 times on a Friday and told me he ended it and that he wanted to try and save our marriage only to tell me it wasn't over on the Monday and stay at her home with her and her children all week. I have asked him to stop coming home.

 

I'm an adult and this is hurting me, what is making me angry and maybe a little bitter is the fact that my 6 year old son cries himself to sleep in my arms because he is afraid his Daddy will never come home.

 

Anyway I am sorry for making a general comment; I've never been on a site like this before and I am still learning my p's and q's.