I feel lost

[Lee1981]

I am looking for some advice. I have been in a relationship with with my partner for 1 year when I met her I thought she was amazing, and I quickly fell in love with her. She made me feel special and loved like never before I had been through separation from my wife 2 years previously and gone through a lot of pain been apart from my daughter. I am writhing this post because after the initial few weeks things got bad because my ex caused problems i didnt handle it well. The thing is my partner really got involved and interfered which made things worse she threatned to leave me if I talked to or texted my ex when shes not there. And after a few bust ups she calmed down. But gradually its back to where if I go into the house to collect my daughter she goes mad I only stand in the hallway. She wont let me comunicate with my ex at work she dosent understand why I liked to do things in my own with my daughter saying we must to things as a family. She admits she insercure but I would never cheat on her she has my phone password I never hide anything. She is so loving and kind but I feel like I dont know who I am anymore I dont see my friends as she wouldn't like if I went oit witbout her she makes it all sound normal and we are a family and should always be together. I feel completely lost I've tried to explain to her I need to keep on good terms with my ex but she just gets angry. I know this is all sounds like a jumbled up rant I'm not very good at this stuff any advice would be grateful.

[Andrina]

I'm sure she has good traits, but the bad ones should be a deal breaker for you. To be an emotionally healthy person, you need time with guy friends without your significant other, as well as alone time and time spent on hobbies. And especially as far as your child is concerned, it's important for your daughter to spend quality time with you without also being around your new significant other for every outing.

 

It's ridiculous that she expects you can't go inside your exes house to collect your child. What message do you think this is sending your daughter? Kids from divorce have enough stress to deal with. They don't need the added stress imposed by a parents new partner.

 

This woman is possessive, controlling, over-the-top jealous and therefore not a healthy partner for you. Do yourself a favor after ending this toxic relationship. Spend a good year alone to focus on yourself and your child. Learning from your past, perhaps you will see red flags sooner and cut women out of your life as soon as you see a deal breaker like this.

[Liraele]

If your daughter were in a relationship where a person was behaving this way, what advice would you give her?

 

You're setting an example for her, and I think as parents we forget that sometimes. She's learning about relationships from you, regardless of her age.

 

You deserve to be treated in a relationship the way you would expect a partner to treat your child: with love, respect, and humanely. It doesn't sound like you're getting that.

[DaisyMayPorter]

This person should remember that you are a father first before being her boyfriend. You need to be there for your daughter, and spend time with her without the girlfriend. And if you want to go into her house to get her, you should. This person you've only known a year should not be controlling your every move, your life, or who you hang out with and when. You should find someone else who understands that you are a father first. Maybe be by yourself for awhile and work on you, your relationship with your daughter, and figuring out how to co-parent with your ex-wife. That's the most important thing.

[MissCanuck]

Why are you allowing yourself to be this woman's puppet?

 

OP, this is not healthy and you know it. It's also damaging to your relationship with your daughter, since your girlfriend barges in and intrudes and tries to dictate how you spend time with your own child. That is just not right.

 

There is no way I would continue this relationship. This woman is not girlfriend material, let alone step-mom or wife material.

[Lee1981]

Thanks for the advice. I know she is being controlling and its eating me up inside I love her so much and i know I will be heartbroken but it has to end. I know she will never change