Used, Lied to, and Scarred... now what?

[Dimka]

He promised me, reassured me, and gave me so much - then left out of the blue and now has exiled me from his life... here we are 4 months later and I still pretend he's watching me and I still think about him every minute of every day... He told me I did nothing wrong and that it wasn't me and that I did nothing wrong, but won't tell me why he left.

For being an extremely giving person and being (in his words) the best person he's ever been with and can't wait to start off life with... I must have killed someone to be treated like this. He lied and gone against everything he said or ever promised.

 

He told me I should date other people and that has not the one who loves me or will love me. I've met many new people and done many new things, but still inside wish he was next to me, and it does not at all feel good or proper getting new attention from people. Dating new people hurts... a lot.

 

Now, what do I do? Therapy? He told me he doesnt want me a part of his life, and that he's over me and doesnt want to be in my life...

Hes scarred me, used me, and lied to me... 4 months later its still the same pain., Do I get to just live with it til one day I ""move on"".

[my3lans]

Now, what do I do? Therapy? He told me he doesnt want me a part of his life, and that he's over me and doesnt want to be in my life...

Hes scarred me, used me, and lied to me... 4 months later its still the same pain., Do I get to just live with it til one day I ""move on"".

 

I'm in your same boat so I know how badly you're hurting. If you do go out with others, just date casually. Dinner, movies, etc. --no sex until you are completely over him and ready to trust that new person with your heart again. Casual dating, I'm told, will boost our confidence. I'm not ready for that yet--my breakup just happened 2 weeks ago.

 

Other than that, you answered your own question, you just don't like the answer. I don't blame you, I don't either. But we don't always get to choose.

 

Therapy? Yes, if you think it will help and you know what? It can't hurt. I'm planning to do some counseling after the holidays (can't get an appointment right now).

 

Just live with it until you move on? You have to. I'm personally trying to focus on other things--new house, makeover, learning something new, better diet and more exercise.

 

I can't pretend it's easy but some days are better than others. Yesterday I was feeling it so strongly I couldn't hardly breathe. Today, is not so bad.

 

We will get there. It's going to take longer than we would like it to but we will.

[ThatwasThen]

You say it's four months later. Is that how long you dated him or is that how long its been since he broke it off?

 

Also you say nothing about the relationship in general. How well did you know him, had you met any friends or family, did you see him regularly, had you been to his home? Please elaborate.

[Dimka]

My bad, I've made a few posts about this as it went along.

 

It was long distance, I'm 18 and he'll be 18 in 12 days (gay relationship). And we met on Instagram and he picked me up at my lowest, told me all of my insecurities are okay and that he loved me for them. I flew a plane solo up to him over summer for 10 days and met his family and friends. He's dated a lot in the past but told everyone I was a keeper and that after senior year of high school, he wanted to move in with me and attend OSU (I'm currently in SF). He pretty much allowed me to open up out of my shell and accept myself (a long personal battle of mine) and gave me all the friends who are just like me (my friends down here are nothing like me), he also gave me a new family to love and who loved me, i dont have a dad but he does so I finally had a kind of a father figure whice I've always wanted, his parents approved of me (first time thats happened) and trusted me... and just overall sooo much happiness.

Then after labor day (or memorial day, whichever one is in September) I went back up and went camping with his family, and the first few days he told me to book the fight to meet his whole family for Christmas and joked I better not break up with him or else he would be pretty mad ( in a joking way), 3 days later during camping he told me he saw me only as a friend and it was hard for him to be affectionate to me.

 

I went home and 3 days after the trip he texted me saying he's breaking up with me.. but told me he still wanted me to be a part of his life, and that he still wanted me to come up and visit him and his friends... all of that is now gone ever since, and now hes blocked me everywhere except Snapchat where he told me hes moved on from me and doesn't want me to be a part of his life at all and that he's done with me and wants to cut all ties completely.

We were together for 3 months and 3 weeks. It's been almost 4 months since he left.

[DanZee]

Uh, he's 18. You're 18. 18-year-old guys just want to have fun. You are way too serious at this stage of both your lives. Just lighten up. Have fun. You'll have many more relationships. Try to meet people in person where you live and don't date online. There's too much of an opportunity for miscommunication. Go out and have fun and forget about this guy.

[ThatwasThen]

Well, silently thank him for helping you to come to terms with who you are and actually accepting yourself. That's a big step in your life and will only help you going forward.

 

It will take some time to get over him which is okay but do, do your best to not dwell on what could be and instead just view it as what it was... he came into your life for a reason and when that reason was satisfied, it ended.

 

You're young and you've grown and you'll find a good man close by where you can nurture the relationship and keep the emotional connection going. Just be cognizant of not getting too involved too quickly. Dating is to find out if who you are attracted to is going to be good for the long haul... you can't possibly know that within a three month relationship.

 

Feel better soon.

[pippy longstocking]

Dimka you are quite adorable with all this love you have to give and you will indeed find someone else to give it too . All of us could say similar things about our exes , the promises they made , the life we thought we would have , it is all normal in the realms of * breaking up * . People do change their minds darling and the love can go , I have made many a promise and my feelings have gone and I have ended things regardless of the promises I made .

 

You have to let go ........and live your life again .