Girlfriend of 5 years who struggled with bad anxiety suddenly broke up w me

[andydylan12]

Hi there, posting hoping for some real insight into what might have happened here. My girlfriend of 5 years suddenly requested space about a month ago and then about a week later decided she wanted to break up. We have had a very solid relationship full of very real and deep love for 5 years. We had been through hard times and always came out of them saying things to eacother like "I've never for a second doubted you were the person I was meant to be with" etc. We were each other's best friend. We laughed often. Had some sexual issues (dry spells, etc.) but nothing that other couples don't experience. We had what I thought was a very, very healthy relationship that would last well into the future. Our communication was really good and honest. I am 28 years old and have dated and have had long and short relationships and this really was someone I felt was on the level of soul mate (if you believe in that). She always expressed the same to me.

 

Then suddenly out of nowhere she seems distant, I ask why and she requests space. I go and stay with friends for a few days and when I come home she tells me she thinks we need to break up.

 

Backstory: she has battled some really bad anxiety for about two years. Panic attacks. Fear of flying. I stood by her through all that and helped her find some stable ground. She started therapy about a year ago and has been working and making lots of progress. All through that she would tell me things like "You are my rock. I don't know what I would do without you. etc."

 

But now she tells me the reason for breaking up was because she thinks our relationship was the cause of her anxiety all along. She thinks I was limiting her. I get upset and tell her she limited herself. She decided to stay home all those nights rather than going out with friends. She decided to not travel because she didn't feel up to it.

 

It has been a few weeks apart now and I have been trying to figure all this out. I have been thinking about it from every angle.

 

Does anyone agree that she is mistaken in blaming our relationship and me? She doesn't seem to even remember how in love we were? She doesn't remember the 5 years of good times. She looks at me now like I perpetrated something upon her.

 

One aspect of her anxiety was she couldn't drive on highways and she told me since breaking up with me NOW she can drive on freeways again. Doesn't seem healthy.

 

Please help. I think she is making a huge mistake. I think she is blaming me because she wants something to attribute it all to.

[limichelle]

I got out of a decade long relationship due to my ex him having relationship anxiety. It's a very real thing unfortunately. It's been three years since the break up the last time I talked to him he said he was better with his anxiety and could do more things now that I was out of the picture.

 

I wouldn't try to get her back unfortunately she's playing the blame game and your the scapegoat to her own issues.

 

I have found my true soulmate now and I'm relieved to not have the burden my ex put me through with his anxiety.

 

It's hard to watch someone you love not do well and struggle but a big part of love is letting go.

 

I hope she finds her peace and you as well.

 

Lisa

[Hollyj]

Are you communicating with her?

[Juha]

And you want this woman back, why? I know you invested a lot of time into her, probably too much time, in my opinion.

You were hoping she would get healthy and fixed.

 

She did you a favor, she let you go to find someone who is healthy and a better match that is not messed up.

 

I say thank her, wish her the best, and give her your love. Then move forward, heal, and find someone much better for you

 

I wish you luck