Taking it slow.... am I doing it right

[Personal]

Hi guys so a quick back story. I met this girl a year ago I really liked her we hung out mainly as friends but deep down I knew I liked her, she was recently out of an abusive relationship he would beat her not let her see friends would get angry if she would even look at anyone. They where together 2 years, anyway we hung out for a few months until one day we had an argument about him and we didn't talk for months. She went back to him for another few months (march until June) she then found out he was cheating all the way through the relationship so she left him for good. He lives in LA and we both live in Texas (I'm from Scotland so have been here for work) we seen each other out in August and we spoke and have been hanging out ever since. At first she didn't want to be physical or rush anything as she was scared and she knew she needed to stay single and deal with everything mentally that he put her through. So here we are 3 months later we date normally once or twice a week it's all going well we tell each other everything so we are best friends we also sleep together. She told me recently she's scared because she's getting feelings for me and the only person she has ever loved before was her x and that turned out terribly for her so she's scared and having flash backs to the abuse (it was this time last year the worst happened) I have told her nothing needs to change in regards to our relationship as it's great how it is. We are getting to know each other and I'm really enjoying it. She loves hanging out and we always have a great time together. She's a closed book really but I play flag football with her brother recently and she called him up to speak to me he was shocked and said "she's never done that before, I love how close she is to you" they are a very secretive family and she's nor them are ever open with there feelings. I'm at a stage now where I don't think I'm a rebound but I'm curious to what people think. I don't want to rush her or anything and she knows that, I bought her 3 vinyls yesterday that are her childhood favourites. She messaged me after I left saying she loves me. Any advice would be great. Happy holidays

[Jillstrand23]

Sometimes you take it slow and sometimes you take it fast . I got together with my boyfriend very quickly because I knew he was the one ! He asked me to be his girlfriend on our first date lol whilst watching a soccer game at a pub. He took me to a very fancy dinner and told me he loved me a few weeks after that.

[Andrina]

I would suggest telling her that you care about her and want to recommend she go to counseling to deal with her abusive past. If this doesn't happen, she's not going to be the partner you hope for. A person who has barriers up and who carries around baggage from their past is not a person ready for a relationship. You are settling, searching for glimmers that she cares. If she doesn't want to help herself by ridding herself of the demons that haunt her, I'd suggest moving on, as you can't sacrifice your happiness for someone who is not willing to meet you halfway.

[Sportster2005]

When you rescue a damsel in distress, you end up with a distressed damsel.

 

I would make sure she gets her self emotionally sorted before taking any risk. In my experience, and it's unfortunate, that people that go through these things have difficulty in relationships.

[hlethorn1]

I personally think you are doing everything perfectly.

 

She has had an abusive past, so understandably is cautious. You seem to be taking it slow, and it seems over time she is starting to feel closer to you. She trusts you enough to have sex, and recently admitted loving you. If you feel your actions are causing progress, and she is getting better, I wouldn't change anything. Continue as you are, she will process her feelings etc in her own time and open up to you how/when she can.

 

Sure she may not be easy to be in a relationship with, and if it ever becomes an issue for you, push for counselling & professional help etc. Though in the meantime, continue as you are.