Is he really even interested? Please help.

[catfeeder]

Often the best thing to 'do' is nothing. Allow people to show you what they're made of. If you stop contacting him, he'll either step up and contact you, or not. If he sends you a brain fart, I would reply with something equally vague and avoid asking anything of him. If he invites you to his place, I'd counter with a suggestion to go out somewhere. If he won't step up for that, I'd just write him off as a user and tell him this isn't working for me.

 

Then I'd go back to dating and find someone who's fabulous enough for our interests to be mutual.

 

Head high, and read my sig.

[xcookie7x]

If I stay quiet for a long time he will text me saying "I miss you" or just text me talking asking how I am etc. It just seems he waits for me to take the lead in planning out actual days to see him. Maybe I should just bring it up to him in person Monday when I see him. Because it's confusing. He never denies my offer or has canceled on me in the months we've been seeing one another. I should probably just confront him about it. At this point I have nothing to lose.

[angeldavis]

Did he end up reaching out when you took a step back? Thats what im afraid of. Because ive been doing the setting up im afraid if i just go cold on him he'll think I'M ghosting him or lost interest or something. I'm supposed to see him monday so that hopefully goes well. He said yes. See thats another thing, when i see him monday he will pay for everything no questions asked. Everytime i see him he pays for my gas money, food and drinks, takes me shopping etc. Its just the fact he's leaving it up to me to ask that is weird to me. And its not like hes working a good paying job and is rich and can throw money around. He works the same job as my dad and its barely enough money sometimes.

 

Well, yes, he eventually texted me on Sunday (3 days after our last date on Thursday) and asked to meet on Monday. We had a talk about what bothered me. And here is exactly what he said:

 

1. Scheduling a date: He assumed Mondays and Thursdays are "our days". Unless I am busy on Thursday, then we'll see on Wednesday. We have been doing that for a month like a clock, hence, he does not see the need to ask or plan ahead anymore, esp we are exclusive.

 

2. Date activities: he said he is not a party/social guys. Besides dinner and chilling at home, he does not go out for anything else, esp on weekdays. We can plan a vacation together some time if I want to. I mentioned about the pattern of our dates are unhealthy, and general dating rules say we are heading towards FWB zone. He told me he looks for love, not sex. If he did not want a relationship with me, he didn't need to ask me to be exclusive. He mentioned that every couple should do what they feel comfortable with, not binding or following any kind of rules. However, if it makes me feel better, he will let me decide what we want to do on our dates.

 

3. Texting: He is not big on communication. He does not even talk to his son more than 5 mins on the phone. He prefers interacting in person. I told him but it's good to hear from you.... He then said " you can always reach out to me. I always answer you, right?". But, he said if it makes me happy, he will send a "good night" text everyday. He said he is not the type of guy that hold their phone 24/7...

 

I don't know. I guess you can open up and discuss with him? Telling him your concerns and see what he says?

 

In the past, I used to date a guy that is super weird. Sweet, kind, passionate, totally not into me just for sex, texting me everyday, doing great things for me, and also paying for expensive dinners or activities - sorta like your bf now - but he would not want to see me more than 2 or 3 times/month!!! If I want to see him more often, i ended up being the one who asked. Since I am an old-schooled person, I was very frustrated about initiate everything. So I gave up and dated someone else.

[maew]

In answer to your question xcookie he reaches out once in awhile, but communication has dropped almost completely off. In your case, have you had conversations with him about how you feel? Not the passive / aggressive "are we still dating" but "Did you know that when I don't hear from you for awhile I feel anxious / sad / scared?" or "I really like going out and having fun with you, and showing you off, can we do that more often?"

 

I had those conversations and nothing really changed, which is why I decided to let it go.

 

The other side of this is... one of my best friends met the love of her life several years ago. It was a similar situation... he was pretty clueless about how to be in a good relationship. She took the time to share her feelings and needs with him.. and he did the same... and it ended up being an epic love story. Unfortunately he passed away almost a year ago :( but... my bff always reminds me that even though it looked and felt like an epic love story it still took alot of vulnerability, communication, and risk taking on their parts to make it work.

[angeldavis]

If I stay quiet for a long time he will text me saying "I miss you" or just text me talking asking how I am etc. It just seems he waits for me to take the lead in planning out actual days to see him. Maybe I should just bring it up to him in person Monday when I see him. Because it's confusing. He never denies my offer or has canceled on me in the months we've been seeing one another. I should probably just confront him about it. At this point I have nothing to lose.

 

How long do you go silence before he texted you? Mine is 2 days... Like, we met on Thursday. He can be quiet on Friday or Saturday. Then, he will reach out on Sunday.

 

I understand your confusion. I meant, everything else sounds perfect, except for your being the one who initiated. And it's hard to "do nothing" like many said. Esp when you know you are putting the relationship on a test, and you don't know what will happen or when! I know I felt so anxious and my mind can not focus on anything else but checking my phone whenever I hear a "ding", LOL. I was so looking forward to "the text that makes or breaks". LOL Yes, it is silly; yes I am so weak. I wish I can control my emotion better. But you know, it did not matter what I tried to do, I could not get my mind off that. I could go to a bar with my friends and still checked my phone every 10 mins. I even got really upset when I got the messages from other guys that I am not interested, and they were asking me out on dates!! But nothing from the only one that I wanted to hear from.