Advice on something specific

[Anon1122]

Hello all I am new here and I hope I am in the right place, will try to keep this short. My wife and I have been married for 3 years now, iam 27 she is 29. She is from another country and just recently got the ability to legally work. For years I have been used to her being a stay at home wife where I know she is safe and all. - she has a co worker who is 18 years old, in highschool. She says she feels bad for him because he has it pretty rough, mom is an addict, dad an alchoholic, etc. She asked me for permission to be able to take him to a basketball game, movies, etc something to help get his mind off the stressors of home. As i said, she asked me first, and shes always been faithful. But why am I so concerned about her doing something like this? Its not her that Iam worried about, its people who know me/us who might see her with this guy and think something not so positive. And i keep thinking about what i would do if i was 18 again and a good looking married 29 year old woman asked me out to the movies or something --- I would totally try to hit that! And thats another thing iam concerned about, i dont even want that to happen to my wife even if i know she wouldnt do it. Am I too obsessive or controlling? What should I do?

[MasterPo]

I don't know. I would say some control issues and trust issues. Your wife has a big heart, I get that, probably best if she wanted to help the underprivileged to have another person along. Safety as you never know. If you flip, ask her if she would mind if you took an 18 year girl to the movies. Probably be some drama.

[Chelsea54]

I agree with the above response. I think it would be NICER if you both responded to this kids needs as a couple wherein the kid is put into "child" role. So--great--you would like to go along to the movies & whatever else cause you want to show the kid a good adult male model. I would approach it like that with her.

Plus. Work people talk. It's not going to look good good her job.

[ThatwasThen]

Hello all I am new here and I hope I am in the right place, will try to keep this short. My wife and I have been married for 3 years now, iam 27 she is 29. She is from another country and just recently got the ability to legally work. For years I have been used to her being a stay at home wife where I know she is safe and all. - she has a co worker who is 18 years old, in highschool. She says she feels bad for him because he has it pretty rough, mom is an addict, dad an alchoholic, etc. She asked me for permission to be able to take him to a basketball game, movies, etc something to help get his mind off the stressors of home. As i said, she asked me first, and shes always been faithful. But why am I so concerned about her doing something like this? Its not her that Iam worried about, its people who know me/us who might see her with this guy and think something not so positive. And i keep thinking about what i would do if i was 18 again and a good looking married 29 year old woman asked me out to the movies or something --- I would totally try to hit that! And thats another thing iam concerned about, i dont even want that to happen to my wife even if i know she wouldnt do it. Am I too obsessive or controlling? What should I do?

What is the purpose of her taking him on her own? You should go with them and then it will all be on the up and up (in your eyes and in the eyes of any of those people you fear will see her with a younger man).

 

IMO: You are not too obsessive or controlling. You're just concerned about your wife wanting to go on a date like activity, alone with another man which is seemingly inappropriate.

[SoulTaker]

What is the purpose of her taking him on her own? You should go with them and then it will all be on the up and up (in your eyes and in the eyes of any of those people you fear will see her with a younger man).

 

IMO: You are not too obsessive or controlling. You're just concerned about your wife wanting to go on a date like activity, alone with another man which is seemingly inappropriate.

 

+1. I agree with TWT. This has nothing to do with being controlling. It's basic common sense. The age difference is not great enough for her to be a mother figure for this adult male. If you feel the need to go through with it, then both of you should go to the event, and it shouldn't be the movies.

 

If she shows any signs of resistance to you going, then you have a bigger problem on your hands.

 

BTW - You didn't make this clear, but if he's in high school, then why is he working a daytime shift with her, unless they both work in the afternoon, or at night.

[DanZee]

The boy is too old for your wife to do this. There is only one way an 18-year old boy is going to take her interest in him. If he's working, he's got his own money and he can go on his own to movies and basketball games. Additionally, how will it look for an 18-y.o. to be out in public with a 29-y.o.? Maybe women do this in her country (I doubt it), but that is a no-no in the Western world.