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Am I overly thinking or paranoid???


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Hi All,

I appreciate all your answers and look forward to your responses.


I am a man, i confessed my interest in a long-term relationship to a girl I had grown to like over time. from the way I understood it, and she was clear, that she was not interested but was willing to try, so we hang out messed around for a while roughly 3 months before she decided she was interested. in the beginning she did not want to be seen in public with me in that way, I figured she was not yet sure of the relationship. she would not want to be seen holding hands in public or showing any affection towards each other in pubic.

it took roughly 6 months to convince her (we have been together 6 months now in total since the confession and only became boyfriend and girlfriend a week and a half ago), and all was going well. about 2 months ago a guy approached her and basically told her he wanted her. she told me about it and i just brushed it off as I know it will happen. they went to lunch together and he made it clear to her that he was interested. she told me that she turned him down and explained to him that she is trying a new relationship with someone (me) at the time. they didn't stop talking and about a week later she got an anonymous present at her place of work.

they have been talking ever since 2 months ago and even after she made it clear she was not interested. I do not see anything wrong with that, I believe i am not the jealous kind and they had became friends.


there was an event this past weekend that me and my girlfriend attended which he also attended. while socializing at the event me and my girlfriend would lose each other and I would find her standing with him, talking with her or dancing. I became tired of looking for her and finding her with him so I stopped looking as I was beginning to feel off about it, I went and set down by myself to relax and told myself I am just over thinking it. about 30-45 mins went by and she shows up with her hand in his hand and comes over and says she had been looking for me everywhere. at that point my mind was no longer at ease as I had just seen her holding hands with the man again I told myself i am over thinking it. I told them i was just tired and she decided to go back to dance, again they held hands and proceeded to walk away, I am looking at it and thinking, ok what is going on. again I just thought to myself I am over thinking it, I stayed where i was and did not move. an hour later just before the event ended they came to where i was sitting holding hands again. we decided that we should just go home as it was late and the event was about to end. they had sat beside me so we got up to go get out coats at which point she went to the toilet and he also went to the toilet. I went to get out coats and came back and waited for them. they came and sat next to me and discussed getting a Taxi. we then got up, we put on our coats, as we began to walk away. he put his hand out behind him, and she reached for it and held it.


I stood there in disbelief of what i was witnessing, I was behind them as we moved through the crowd and I was walking slow wondering why are they holding hands. my thoughts were, am I not the boyfriend?? as we were about to get to the door, I stopped and just stood still to think it through, that is when a female friend that me and my girlfriend know approached me to say bye(I will return to this point). we left, the guy decided to stay behind in the venue where the event was.


the whole night bothered me a lot and I was heartbroken, I felt as if she had chosen him over me. that night she noticed I was unsettled and I told her how i was feeling. she apologized and claimed nothing was going on between them. I thought we had cleared up everything but I still felt like crap the following day. she came over to my house the next day and unfortunately i was still hurting. she noticed that i was not behaving in my usual ways and she asked why, I told her that her actions at the even hurt me, the way she kept holding his hand everywhere they went and she explained to me that it was innocent and that there was nothing going on and claims to not remember doing all that and also that she was tipsy and did not know what she was doing. she claimed that they held hands everywhere they went to avoid losing each other in the crowd and claims to not remember holding his hand when we were leaving the event. I pointed out in the form of a question, that she did not want to lose him in the crowd but was ok with losing me in the crowd as she claims. she became angry and she stormed out of my house.


am I making a big deal of something small? she spent the whole night with the guy and am I supposed to be ok with the way it turned out. is that how you would behave with someone you told you are not interested, in front of your boyfriend.

she also says that I am over reacting and that she too could have over reacted when she saw me giving the female friend (mentioned above) of ours a hug goodbye

we have spoken about it some more after and she is apologetic and we are still together, but from the looks of it, I believe they will stay in contact and he is still interested in her.


Am I over thinking, he still calls her because soon after the night he called her when me and her were together.


I am hating this jealousy feeling I have right now, and I know that i feel threatened by this man, I am a man too and I will do everything thing to try get with a girl i am interested in, even if she says no.


What do you all think???





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The guy wants to boink your girlfriend when she lets her guard down eventually and she is gaslighting you into thinking their relationship is anything but a fly on trash. He is clear he wants to boink her, she knows he wants to boink her, you know he wants to boink her...you get where I'm going with this? This situation is messed up and she has you so wrapped around your finger that you even think you're being jealous!


It would be great if you could find your self respect and take this trash out to the dump so all this girl's flies can eat her junk all they want. She is pretending to be stupid and is manipulating you into thinking this guy is not competition to you. She WILL cheat on you some day, if not already.


I mean, she is mocking you with all this behavior she so shamelessly displays to you! Why are you not mad at her??? This is the point where I tell you to dump her, but it might fall on deaf ears anyway due to her manipulation or your excuses for her...please get out and cut ties with this filth.

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Well, I agree that there's something fishy here. I'm suspicious about the six months where she didn't want to take the relationship public. Was she still seeing a previous boyfriend of and on, or another guy on the side? And then spending the party with this other guy who wants her and was holding hands with her in front of you. He did it openly and shamelessly. Unfortunately, you were too wimpy to stand up for yourself, and you let them walk all over you.


I don't think you have what it takes to hold onto this girl. You haven't said how your relationship with her has been. Maybe you should stop seeing her and start dating the girlfriend who threw her arms around you at the party. That usually means something when someone does that.

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