I am wondering if there is a chance between my ex and I?

[boostin]

My girlfriend of almost 4 years broke up with me about a week and half ago. To sum up why she told me she has been unhappy because I haven't made the necessary changes to help our relationship. She told me we don't have anything in common, says that the relationship was one sided and that we started acted more like friends. She told me she wants to be alone It was kind of a bad break up, i was upset at first and the next day we talked and she made it seem like we had a chance, we talked again in person that same night. She was an emotional wreck i tired to be comforting and realize all the wrongs I made. She kept saying sorry for hurting me and she will love me and always will. When she left the car she hugged me for almost 10min and didn't want to leave she kept asking for a kiss, i told her no. She came around to the drivers side and hugged me again and asked for a kiss and said ok ill get one later. While we were leaving she was in the car crying hysterically again and texted me saying she doesn't want to lose me but we have to work on ourselves and have to do it alone. And told me who knows what will happen in the future and that i need to change.

 

About a week goes by and I was still confused by this i was wanting to move on and give her space but had to contact her again (i know i shouldnt have). I ended up messaging her she responded right away, we talked about everything and i tried to reason with her asking to try, which i get why she doesn't want to. We got to this point for a reason and things cant just fix over night. She told me she doesn't know what god and life have in store for us then said i don't mean to lead you on-in the end we are done. she says its hard to believe but its too soon to say where life will take us either together or separate.

 

We ended talking by just saying goodbye to one another and hope you do well and that she hopes i can find some forgiveness and that i hope we both change for the better.

 

I don't plan on talking to her for a while, I am just wondering if i should just wait and see if she contacts me in a couple months. Or if there is even some hope?

 

I plan on working on myself during this time and try to get over her so that if the day comes and she still says no i wont be stuck in the same place.

[DanZee]

You didn't mention just what problems you're suppose to be working on and what was going on in your relationship. I have a feeling that she wants you to be someone you just aren't. If this is the case, then you have to find someone who likes you for the way you are because you're not going to be able to change enough to suit her.

[boostin]

You didn't mention just what problems you're suppose to be working on and what was going on in your relationship. I have a feeling that she wants you to be someone you just aren't. If this is the case, then you have to find someone who likes you for the way you are because you're not going to be able to change enough to suit her.

 

She wanted me to kind of grow up in a way and be financially stable, told me when were together i dont focus only on her and not rely on her for everything. Which I agree with, i don't want to change just for her but its an eye opening experience and I agree with her.

[Jillstrand23]

You have to make a change and prove to her you have changed., have you pinpointed what you need to change?

[boostin]

You have to make a change and prove to her you have changed., have you pinpointed what you need to change?

I have I just don't know if she means she is done for real, or that if ive shown her I can change we can try again. At first she made it seem like who knows what can happen, that maybe in a couple months we can try. But also says things like in the end we are done but I need to be alone and work on myself and cant do that when were together and that if life brings us together then it will or stay separate. She is very clear about being broken up and doesn't know about the future, its just all very confusing.

[Jillstrand23]

I have I just don't know if she means she is done for real, or that if ive shown her I can change we can try again. At first she made it seem like who knows what can happen, that maybe in a couple months we can try. But also says things like in the end we are done but I need to be alone and work on myself and cant do that when were together and that if life brings us together then it will or stay separate. She is very clear about being broken up and doesn't know about the future, its just all very confusing.

 

When it is confusing then you need to get away and focus on something besides the relationship for a certain time period. Give yourself 90 days. It will be ok, I promise.

[boostin]

When it is confusing then you need to get away and focus on something besides the relationship for a certain time period. Give yourself 90 days. It will be ok, I promise.

 

I'm hoping it will be ok, just hope after we work on ourselves we can try again or at least date.

[Jillstrand23]

I'm hoping it will be ok, just hope after we work on ourselves we can try again or at least date.

 

See, your focus should not be her. The focus should be you. Cut the chord, you do not need her, you are a wonderful being yourself and you can do it on your own. I understand it is difficult to let go, but you should at least try to let go.

[boostin]

See, your focus should not be her. The focus should be you. Cut the chord, you do not need her, you are a wonderful being yourself and you can do it on your own. I understand it is difficult to let go, but you should at least try to let go.

 

thank you, I want to let go but don't want to give up all hope. I want to work on myself for me but don't want to cut her off entirely, especially when she says she still has feelings for me. I just wish i knew where she will be at in a couple months mentally.

[boostin]

update:

 

I asked her to come by my place and drop off my house keys and had some of her stuff I was giving her. She came by I got the keys and helped load some things in her car, she came back inside to grab some more things and just broke down crying. I asked her wants wrong and we sat down on the couch, we talked for almost 2 hours. She told me how hard this is and how miserable she has been. She told me all she does is think of me, wonders what I am doing, cant eat, has worn the same clothes for a week, doesnt shower, has moved everything around in her house 3 times. Says now that shes alone and has time to hang with her friends even then she still misses me and misses texting me and waking up to a text from me.

 

We ended up making out on the couch, didn't think much of it she kept telling me she loves me. She asked if she can have a old sweatshirt of mine to sleep in, so we went upstairs grabbed a old sweatshirt and she sprayed my Cologne all over it. After that sat down on my bed and one thing led to another.... im sure you get what happened, we showered after.

 

We were making jokes and things felt great and normal again, she was over for about 3 hours at this point. We went back downstairs and talked again she doesnt want to admit it right now but i feel like she wants to get back together but still wants to try and be alone. I asked when I will be getting my sweatshirt back and she said i'm not sure time will tell everything. As we weere leaving she said why do you look so nice are you going on a date? I brushed it off and said something like oh ya im on my way to meet my tinder date. She just shrugged and said well youre single so im not going to say anything. I told her im kidding i dont want anyone else, she said " good, i dont want anyone else either". She told me she loved me and off she went, texted me later saying she is proud of my changes and wishes she can work on herself soon.

 

I don't want to push her and keep talking to her so I am giving her space, just wondering if this seems like my chances are better? Just give her time and and we can reconnect later?

[MissCanuck]

Be careful here, OP.

 

A lot of exes hook up like this again, only to have the dumper say a few days later that it was a mistake and can't happen again, and so on. Or the dumper begins to distance themselves significantly, hurting the dumpee all over again. She might not do so, granted. But I would not necessarily hold out hope that this one episode means much in the way of reconciliation. It's too soon to know.

 

I would continue to give her time and space. She sounds very confused, and you don't want your emotions used as collateral.

[boostin]

thank you for the reply, I know she is confused and I know she wants to be with me but i hurt her and she is still trying to figure herself out at the moment I guess. I just don't know if by the end of her finding herself or me giving her space if she will like to try again. I know its too soon to tell if anything will happen, just trying to keep working on me and see where her and I end up.

[MissCanuck]

Someone who truly wants to be with you doesn't break up, my friend.

 

Part of your healing will come from the acceptance that for some reasons, she doesn't want the relationship anymore. Not at this time, anyway. Keep doing you. What she wants or needs is secondary to your own well-being now.

[boostin]

I know...I just know I hurt her a lot and understand her reasons for breaking up. But she has also explained her feelings to me and I know she wants to be together but just can't right now because she hasn't seen me change yet. I know she doesn't want to get hurt by me again. Either way I know she is torn and has no idea what she wants right now.

 

Trying to do me and my own thing but its just really hard knowing deep down I want to get back together but also telling myself that this could be it.

[Krisss]

I am literally in the same exact boat :( not sure if I should move on, or keep holding on.