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dumped in a second. im tormented

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i was seeing this guy for about six months. we were friends before. i knew from the start he had some avoidant traits. maybe he wasnt the best communicator. but we eventually got really close and i was in love with him for sure. i felt like he was too, but now i dont even know. i know he trusted me more with time. he did tell me that i deserved better a few times. but i ignored it. i wish i hadnt. i see how hurtful it is later when things continue past their course. we briefly broke up and got back together. destined for failure i guess.

we were going to have dinner a few nights ago. i went to a friends house before to play a board game. i just finished a degree! and finally had some free time to do something silly but fun.

my ex called me when he was close. i went out to meet him. the moment he found out where i was, at my (guy) friend's house, he got silent and cold and told me he needed to be alone. like he was jealous or something. he said he hated that guy and why would i hang out with him? i cried, upset, how could I make this better? he was so off about this. i would never hurt him or cheat on him. but he just kept insisting he wanted to be alone and i eventually left the car. we were so looking forward a moment before to eat. .

then he texted me being like its time for me to move on and so should you. and all his texts were like i just want nothing to do with you. go play stupid board games with losers and go on tinder. bla bla bla.

how can he go from hot to cold in one instant? im completely bad in his eyes all of a sudden. its just such a ty feeling. i know he will never want me back. and i also know that if he cared he would have talked or explained. he couldnt even do that. all he says is in text. good bye good bye i just wanna be alone good bye.

this has really triggered my abandonment/loneliness issues. im scared ill be alone forever. that im cursed. and im equally scared of getting hurt. i dont know how i could love again. and i feel so flawed, how could anyone love me? they all leave it seems. im hurting so bad right now. and he is just a brick wall.

my friends are surely tired of hearing about this guy. all of them are happy in their relationships. i feel like im a burden. and i feel like in losing him i also lost a good friend. he doesnt care about me anymore. which is such a stark contrast from a week ago.

any advice or input would be greatly appreciated. im tormented.

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Hi...I've been thru a similar thing and I eventually realised that the guy just didn't want me to be With any friends be it guy or girl that I'm blinded by his love that I don't see how much his manipulating me...mine was so bad that I couldn't even be with my cousin's! I think try and explain to him how you feel!

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This is what friends are here for!! I’m sure you’d be there for them in these situations. I’ve found myself non stop talking about my ex for the past few days and even get bored of it myself! That’s why posting here makes it feel slightly better. You are allowed friends, and a life outside of him. I hope things work out for you x

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First of all, you have to ask yourself if you can find someone better than this guy. It may not be worth pursuing a relationship with him. He might even be bipolar. You're not going to be alone and you will love again. Try asking your guy friend to give you a critique. Is your appearance all right? Do you have a flattering hairstyle? Do you dress nicely? Do you have any personality quirks? Are you shy? Is there something you can do to make yourself more attractive?


Secondly, yeah, your ex is jealous. Most guys are jealous when their girl is hanging around with another guy. They know that any guy, even in a platonic relationship, can make a move on a girl. And that's particularly true after a fight. A girl can run to the arms of another guy when they're angry at their boyfriend and want to get back at him. So you probably should have met your ex at your place and not at your friend's house because your ex has a fragile ego.


At any rate, you should look for someone nice. Maybe your male friend can act as your wingman and help you find a nice guy. A relationship should not have to be a constant tragedy.

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O...M...G...your ex is such an insecure twit, you've literally dodged a huge bullet here OP. If a guy pulled a stunt like that on me, I'd lose so much respect for him that I wouldn't give him another chance if he was the last guy on this planet. Good bye and good riddance, no regrets here. I know that it's hard to see it like that OP, but I hope that once you've had a moment to calm down you'll realize this for yourself.


Meanwhile, go have fun with your friends and once you are ready to date again, be more choosy and do pay attention to red flags. If you don't like what you see, leave. Remember that you are doing the picking and choosing too and there is no reason on this planet to waste your time on the wrong guy.

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Mine was similar, I was suddenly broken up with because he was jealous. The worst part was the other guy did make it appear something was going on, even admitted it in text that he intentionally did it to break my ex and I up, which I showed to my ex, but his trust was gone already. Not my fault, though I did blame myself. They make you feel as if it's you. You must realize the fault does not lie within you. You are allowed to have friends, just as he is. They own their issues and insecurities, not us. We can't fix them. Change needs to come from within.


You are lovable and worthy, and the right guy will realize it, and treat you as you deserve to be treated.

He does care about you, if he didn't, he wouldn't have become angry. Anger is a strong emotion.


You be the bigger person, and if he contacts you, tell him you're fine, and you agree with the breakup.

That will get him wondering why, and when he calms down, he will see you in a different light.

Give it time. In the meantime, work to strengthen yourself, and get your confidence back.

That way if he tries to return, you will have the power to refuse him.


This was already a second break up for you guys, the chances of it working now, minus trust, are not likely.

I'm sorry you are hurt. Think of it as he can be someone else's problem now to deal with.

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Just because relationships don’t work out doesn’t mean there is anything wrong with you . Quite often it’s actually something to do with the person splitting up with you and their ability to go deeper into committed relationship and connect emotionally . If his only issue here was that you were meeting a male friend then after he got annoyed he would have discussed with you and explained how it made him feel etc and you would have made up . However this didn’t happen so he is using it as a reason to breakup and blame you in the process !!!! You don’t sound like you have him any reason to think you were cheating or looking for other men etc . So this is nothing about you it is more s reflection on him . My advice would be to count it a lucky escape . As for all your friends married etc you never know what goes on behind closed doors or how happy any of them tryelu are . In a way the more men you date you get to see afar you want and what you don’t want even if it’s not worth the heart break

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