Long weekend together...now what?

[kalsman]

So I posted the other day wondering if I should continue trying with this girl and with the encouragement from you some of you I took her out Friday night on our first 'date.' Dinner went well...she sat on the same side of the table as me and we had good conversation the whole time. After that we went to a laser light show (I know...I was skeptical too and thought it was actually a lame idea but I had remembered that she once said she really liked them so I surprised her). She loved the idea and was excited to go so that was good. We walked/ran hand-in hand through the rain to the show and laid on the floor when we got into the show. She put my arm around her and cuddled the whole show. After that we went back to her place and put in a movie but we both ended up falling asleep. After that we got in bed and started to fool around but were interrupted by her drunk roommate and all of her drunk friends. Talk about ruining the perfect night! Anyway, we went to sleep after they all left and in the morning she went to work and I ran some errands. Nice sweet kiss before she left.

 

Fast forward to Sat. night. She called and asked what I was doing. I said I was going out with friends (which was the plan at the time) but we never ended up going out so when she called again, I decided that I would rather spend the night w/her than by myself. I went over to her house and we chilled for a bit w/ her roommate then went over to her roommates bf's house. Chilled there for a bit and then left when we were tired. Got back to her place and kissed for a bit (no frenchin') and went to bed cause she was 'too tired.'

 

Woke up the next morning and went to the store for breakfast food. Made breakfast...looked at rental houses(shes moving) and basically lounged around all day cuddling. We parted ways w/ a light kiss Sunday afternoon.

 

So now what do I do? Should I be waiting a certain amount of time before I call her again or should I go for it? Do I call to let her know that I had a good time, to see what shes been up to, or to hang out tonight?

(keep this in mind too...she told our mutual friend that she really likes me but shes still not sure if she wants a boyfriend but does know that she doesnt want me seeing any other girls. so I dont want to move in too quickly)

[passions1]

That's great that you're spending this time with her! Well if it is true that she isn't looking for a serious relationship, then it wouldn't be fair to say that she would only want you to see her & nobody else. Because who knows she might be seeing other guys while she is seeing you if you don't ask her as well! However, if you are okay with the setup right now then just continue it. Don't be surprised if you end up as friends with benefits, if there are no commitments of exclusiveness involved. You don't have to call her up everyday, but to see e/o a couple times a week would be good. Again if she isn't looking for a serious guy, don't push it. But if you're looking for someone serious, then you will have to reconsider another girl as well who is on the same page as you.

[kalsman]

So I know that she isn't spending time with anybody else at the moment...but I am and I'm not sure if she knows this or not. Either way, you say that we could end up being 'friends w/benefits'...is this cause I am not aggressive enough? or the simple fact that she doesnt want a serious relationship and what we have now seems so playful?

 

Also, I know that her Mom knows about me and she wants me to meet her so I took that as a good sign (shes telling other people about me).

[2BhaPaL1]

I think she isn't positive about not wanting a relationship. But i do think its unfair if she is assuming you arn't seeing anyone... you should let her know. Unless... you are willing to break it off with the other girl! Do you really like her? ARe you ready for a relationship. I'd say go ahead and call her. But dont spend tooo much time together right away. For some reason that always seems to kill it!

[kalsman]

I dont think so either...I went to visit her at work last night (...and cash in on a free icecream cone) and she was pretty flirty and didnt hesitate to stand really close to me and put my arm around her and kiss me. She practically invited herself over to my house but then when I finally gave in and asked her if she wanted to come over, she had to think about it and eventually decided not to come over (probably a good thing cause she wouldnt have made it over till 2am) because she had to drive an hour and a half to go to her parents house for an early dentist appointment this morning.

 

Anyway, everything seem to be going pretty good between us and I dont want to complicate things/press things/seem too anxious by asking her where we stand. I decided that I'm going to try not to listen to what our friends are telling me she has been saying and go by good 'ol intuition. I do really like her though and would break it off with the other girl if there was a chance of us being 'exclusive.'

 

I think this weekend will be good cause I am going on a camping trip with a bunch of friends and shes gotta work so this will be the first weekend in 3 weeks that we havent spent the whole weekend together. She did ask me to drive her to her parents house on Friday (our parents live in the same city and I am planning on driving down there anyway) but I am hesitant to have to meet her parents. So on one hand, I get to spend time with her...on the other, I get the awkward situation of standing in front of her parents without knowing what she has told them about me/us. Any advice or words of encouragement?

[Shidoshi]

Got back to her place and kissed for a bit (no frenchin') and went to bed cause she was 'too tired.'

Hmm...this looks like a red flag.

Woke up the next morning and went to the store for breakfast food. Made breakfast...looked at rental houses(shes moving) and basically lounged around all day cuddling. We parted ways w/ a light kiss Sunday afternoon.

Red flag

(keep this in mind too...she told our mutual friend that she really likes me but shes still not sure if she wants a boyfriend

Another yet larger red flag.

She practically invited herself over to my house but then when I finally gave in and asked her if she wanted to come over, she had to think about it and eventually decided not to come over.

Red flag.

but does know that she doesnt want me seeing any other girls.

She wants you to be available when she feels lonely and wants some attention, and you're doing a good job of it so far.

I decided that I'm going to try not to listen to what our friends are telling me she has been saying and go by good 'ol intuition.

Your intuition should be telling you that you are way more into her than she is into you.

I do really like her though and would break it off with the other girl if there was a chance of us being 'exclusive.'

Look at the things you're willing to do for her, and yet....has she sacrificed anything to be with you? You said she isn't even seeing anyone right now. You are filling a void for her until something else better comes along. Face it man, you're being played.

I mean hey, if you can get some sex from her and be satisfied with that (even though you probably wouldn't be) I say continue on, but DO NOT EXPECT A RELATIONSHIP out of all this. You need to start paying more attention to what she's doing to provide you with what you want out of all this.

[kalsman]

hmm...thanks for putting everything in perspective. I hate to say it but you're right. oh well...live and learn.

[kalsman]

so where do you take the game from here? you know you're being played...but the girl is hot...and you really are not sacrificing anything to be with her (still get to wakeboard, go to the gym, drink with the friends and go about things as you usually do its just that at night and on the weekends you have somebody different to watch movies and spend time with).

 

should i just not talk to her anymore? tell her that i dont want to be her 'cuddle b***h' anymore? go about things as i have been with the realization that 'we' will never be? take what i can get and ride it out?...any suggestions?

[Shidoshi]

If you think you can get some sex out of this go for it. Just don't get serious about her and allow yourself to fall for her (I know its easier said than done). Also, try and escalate things when your alone kissing and stuff. Keep pursuing other girls as well, because you'll end up focusing all your attention on just her, and don't be available for her every time she wants you to, you have other more important things going on (you must convey this to her, it will increase your value).

[kalsman]

Thanks for the input. I've decided that I'll let her make the next move/call. I'll stay good and busy. I've noticed from past relationships that I am usually far too available. Its just so difficult for me to turn down dinner and a movie with beautiful baby when I am sitting watching some lame-ass tv show with my roommate. Anybody else feel me on this one?

 

I am not driving her down to her parents on Friday. Instead I am going wakeboarding and then to a party. I figure if she calls looking for something to do...I'll let her join me on the boat or at the party.

 

Also, I've been thinking about what you said and its not like she hasnt done anything for me. She picks me up from the bars when I've had one too many drinks...she rents movies and invites me to watch them w/her...up until this past Friday, I hadnt spent any money on her...she gives me massages...last weekend she ditched her friends to spend the day w/me (even though we didnt have any plans)...she hangs out w/me even though shes got homework to do...she cleans her apt before I come over(I am a 'clean freak') I dont know...I could be reading into things because I dont want to accept the truth, but I'm not sure I am as doomed as you make it seem. Any thoughts?

[Shidoshi]

Its just so difficult for me to turn down dinner and a movie with beautiful baby when I am sitting watching some lame-*beep* tv show with my roommate. Anybody else feel me on this one?

I'm not saying I would turn down an invitation if I wasn't really doing anything, but if and when you do decide to hang out at her place you should try and escalate things beyond just kissing and cuddling. How much more of that can you take? If you don't make any moves then your wasting your time. Unless your happy with just being platonic, but I doubt you are.

I am not driving her down to her parents on Friday. Instead I am going wakeboarding and then to a party. I figure if she calls looking for something to do...I'll let her join me on the boat or at the party.

Good idea. I especially like: "I'll let her join me." Thats the mindset you want to have now.

Also, I've been thinking about what you said and its not like she hasnt done anything for me. She picks me up from the bars when I've had one too many drinks...she rents movies and invites me to watch them w/her...up until this past Friday, I hadnt spent any money on her...she gives me massages...last weekend she ditched her friends to spend the day w/me (even though we didnt have any plans)...she hangs out w/me even though shes got homework to do...she cleans her apt before I come over

I don't see anything here out of the ordinary. You said you were willing to dump a girlfriend if this girl wanted to be exclusive, but she doesn't. You don't seem to understand. A girl who is into you doesn't give you excuses like being too tired to do anything after a makeout session. I could understand if you had been seeing each other for while and this was just one of those nights, but when things are new she will create situations for you two to be together. Never has a girl who was "into" me say she doesn't want a boyfriend, because if thats the case we can just have sex and leave all the "boyfriend" activities to someone else.

but I'm not sure I am as doomed as you make it seem. Any thoughts?

It depends on what you want out of this. As I understand it, you want to be serious with this girl, but she said she doesn't want a boyfriend. That in and of itself should tell you that you will wind up getting hurt if you keep trying to pursue it. It also speaks volumes about how "interested" she is in you. I have had girls who wanted to have sex and nothing more, and I was fine with that because I didn't invest any serious emotions in them, why would I have? There are also women who keep guys around as "backup" when they are between relationships and need some affection. This only ends up hurting the guy because he invests more into this than she was ever planning to to begin with. If and when she finds someone else you'll end up wondering why she's being cold all of a sudden.

You said this girl is "hot" right? They are ALWAYS in demand and you will have to work to keep them interested unless your game is so tight you don't have to think about it, but thats probably not the case right? Invest more of your time in someone who wants the same things you do, otherwise why set yourself up for disapointment. Keep things with her light and fun...see where it goes.

[kalsman]

All I know about what she wants is second hand information. We haven't talked about our 'status.' But I completely understand what you are trying to say...if she really wanted me...she wouldn't have just gone to bed or she wouldn't have driven home the other night instead of coming over to my place.

 

I learned a long time ago to not get attached after I 'loved and lost' so that isn't going to happen. I havent been in a committed relationship in 4 years now and I'm not particularly looking for a relationship...but I think I'm at a point where I wouldn't shy away from one if it presented itself. I'm moving out of state at the end of the summer anyway so at most, anything that happens between me and any girl will just be a summer fling.