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how do I tell my bf we really need to move out of this house


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So where’s what’s going on.. my bf n his dad bought a house together a few years ago. I been living with them for over a year now.. we have a baby together and everything is great between us.. unfortunately a few days ago his dad and him got into a really big fight.. his dad does like me and wants me to move out.. saying a whole bunch of mean things.. oh before i forget I’m Muslim and he’s catholic.. anyways of course my bf took my side.. and everything was the next few days was very confusing and uncomfortable.. and we making moves to move out.. then his dad finally apologized and everything went back to normal for a few hrs.. then his dad ex gf came over to the house who l don’t want around the baby.. cause she smokers like a chimney.. and then we went right back to fighting.. this time my was between me n his dad.. so my question is how do I tell my bf we really need to move out of this house and always from form this dad who’s very controlling...

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You are right, this IS a control issue.


This also in an issue about the transitions to adulthood and independence.


My guess: Your bf can't afford a house on his own, and neither can your sort-of FIL. Otherwise, they'd live apart.


Can you use the house separately? Maybe install a minifridge, microwave and sink somewhere, so you don't have to cross paths very often?

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And here I was hoping to have a stimulating discussion on the merits of intellectual property.


OP, you mention them having bought the house together, how true in spirit and to the word is that? Is your boyfriend on the mortgage and title? Do you have your own support network, such as family or friends?


Unfortunately, this is about as complicated as it gets, and you and your boyfriend need to have a serious discussion about the kind of environment you want to be raising your kid in and, should there be no remedy within your current situation, how you two can collect yourselves financially to get out on your own. And, in the mean time, I'd swallow your dignity and practice your "yes/no, sir/ma'am." Getting into fights with his father, no matter how justified, likely isn't going to accomplish much more than causing you and your baby more stress.

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j. man's advice is dead on.


He is pointing to difficult issues... the sum total of which may be:


Find it in your heart to be glad dad is somewhere comfortable and that you have a place to live once he passes on or otherwise moves out.


Till then, unless his dad CHOOSES to initiate a sale, I doubt there are options for you except


1) Learn to respect your elders and avoid them as often as possible to make that easier to do


2) Think like an old old old person: What's important?

Our humans. So focus on your friends, your brain, your outdoors. Things that speak to your health your mind and your heart. Talk to the smoker if possible, if not, avoid her. Most smokers will stop smoking around a baby or will take it outside. It still smells etc but the 2nd hand risk is diminished amd you can put up with the smell on occasion.


3) Say three things for which you are grateful, every morning and every night. Write them in dry erase marker on your bathroom mirror. That is where peace is. The house is less relevant.


I assure you if you move out but have little money with which to enjoy life, you and your bf will fight same as you each do with dad.

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Thank you all for your advice.. and I been doing just that.. we had a family meets(that’s what u want to call it) the 3 of us.. my bf and me decided the best thing to do is to definitely move out.. money isn’t an issue.. he’s a longshoreman and I’m a pharmacist.. so we do pretty good financially.. he’s just being very hard headed and doesn’t want to leaves his daddy’s side.. as for his ex but now again gf( they got back together this weekend) so now she’s going to back again in the house.. which is starting to pisses me off even more.. cause she wants to hold the baby.. i wouldn’t have a problem with if she would stop smoking while she is at the house.. or at lest cut back.. Don’t like her smelling like pure cigarettes and holding my child.. but i can’t say thing cause I know it’s going to start another fight.. unfortunately my bf doesn’t see her hold the baby is a problem.. I’m not saying ppl that smoke r bad ppl i just don’t want it around our child.. could it be I’m just over protective because he is a prime.. because of all this it’s been really hard on my relationship with bf. I like we may not last if we stay to much longer in this house...

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