Jump to content

The end of 4 years - It happened again...


Recommended Posts

So i've made another thread which can only be a bad thing.


Here's my original which should give anyone the full extent of what happened before the last few weeks, but i'll summarise:


  • I'm 25, she's a few years younger
  • Known her for 8 years, together 4 - Long distance - Saw each other every weekend
  • Because of above, contact has been amazing
  • She was my first love, my best friend, and (i thought) my soul mate
  • We split up around the middle of August after a rocky few previous months
  • I blame clash of morals, personalities, who she had become, outgrown relationship, as the source of the split.
  • She wanted to remain friends.
  • I was utterly heartbroken, basically depressed for weeks
  • She NC me for just over a month, a few times i tried to break it, eventually I came to terms with it



Now these are the bits that I didnt put in my original thread...


  • I went to Australia for 3 weeks to stay with a friend - basically had the time of my life
  • She contacted me while i was out there, we had long calls, she had gone REALLY off the rails, slept with 3 (older) people, spent days at a time at their houses, with their kids etc. Hung around with incredibly toxic people. Bearing in mind this was light-years away from the sweet, caring, loving girl I had been with for 4 years.
  • When I came back, I helped her through this, dished out some harsh reality and told her to sort herself out, because I didn't know who she was anymore.
  • We began getting into more contact, she called me almost daily, messaged a lot, begged to meet (which I declined twice), things became flirty and she spoke about the chemistry we had.



In the end, I know we couldn't work, she hadn't really changed, and I was even more keen to travel. But of course the temptation to see her, to talk to her and be wanted by her was there, i'd known her for 8 years this doesn't just go.

The more we spoke like old times the more the feelings started to return, I became angry when she briefly mentioned the guys who had been speaking to her, how she'd been asked out etc. I'm still very protective of her, even after knowing what she's done.

4 days ago I sort of blanked her for the weekend, I needed a little space and to figure out how (if) this could be sorted. She tried to call Sat night (which i ignored) and then sent an amazing text saying 'she'll always be here for me, if I needed space from her so be it, i'll always be a part of her etc.'

I thought why are you saying these things and replied today, no response, so I rang....

Turns out she has 'finished' with me again, she said there was no future for us and I should be happy like she is, she then said she's been talking to someone else, and she was on her way to see him as we spoke. She was cold, very cold. I blamed her for hurting me, told her how hard this was again and how she'd ruined it for good. She said this effected her but it honestly sounded like it didn't.


Of course, what she said was true, we did need to be happy and think of ourselves. BUT, the thing that gets me is the sheer time scale in which all this has happened, she flirts, begs to see me, literally days before telling me - oh, we need to move on, and goodbye. Days before she blocks me on Facebook because she 'doesn't want me to see anything I shouldn't'.

Now to me, this is a massive middle finger. She knows how devastated I was when she ended things to begin with, she knows how annoyed I get when she mentions anyone talking to her and the guys buzzing around, yet she does the same thing again, a week after flirting with me and asking to meet.


Like I said, someone (probably her) was most likely going to end up with someone new at some point, and I would have to come to terms with that. But the timescale and the way its happened is just such a kick in the balls.


The anger and the disgust I have for someone I cared so deeply for right now is unreal. I want her to hurt how I hurt. And she has the audacity to text me after the call saying shes 'still there for me at any point'.

I've never hated anyone as much as I hate her right now, but the fact is, I still love her too. She was (as of 2 hours ago) the only person I really cared about talking too, or cared for in general, and once again that's been ripped away, probably for good.

So here I am, sitting at home typing this, feeling heartbroken and angry, while she is seeing her new guy. I don't know what to do, so I typed this.


Any encouragement or comments would be appreciated

Link to comment

Stop the anger and disgust. This is someone that you cared about who didn't cope well with the breakup or is possibly going through something. it could even be just being young and single. At any rate -- you should have not started being her therapist and fixer. That is the mistake that you made.


You are no longer together - so the fact that she is with someone else or someones else is a possibility and reality. You are only torturing yourself by keeping up your end of this. You can't control what she does -- just control what you do.

Link to comment

Hey man.


We spoke about this already. I told you once, I'll say it again: completely shut this girl off your life. Completely. Not even the slightest contact. You're in a world of hurt if you keep hearing from her, and you just experienced it first-hand (as I did). You went into No Contact once, you can do it again, but this time don't falter. It's for your own good.


We may think we know someone, after years spent with them... well, we don't. Probably we didn't really know them even when we were with them (and the other way around is true too). Nobody really knows anybody, ever. We just play with each other until we get bored or we find a new, better toy. That's why I made it so not even tiniest bit of information about her could slip through: reality is probably much worse than my wildest imagination.


And the hate... someday the hate will burn out. When? Hard to say. I'm still in the same boat, in that regard.

Link to comment


This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

  • Create New...