What can and should I do?

[Furrehjohnson]

My girlfriend of 4 months was in a bad relationship before me. She was in a 2 year long relationship where a year in she fell out of love and wanted to leave. When I came along 6 months before we started officially dating she was still in a relationship with him. She cheated on him with me. I have always felt terrible about this. We finally set a plan where she would move out in one day while he was at work and come stay with me. She has been living with me now for 2 months but now Im not sure what is happening. She has never been great with expressing emotion. When she tells you something it is with a mono tone and a blank stare. So when she tells me anything including things like she is upset I can never tell to what extent she is at. But yesterday she decided to do the same thing she did to her ex. When I went to work she had pulled in a few guys( one being an ex from a previous relationship) and executed her one day move. I had found out in the middle of this move and ran home to see this all happening. She told me she was going to go live with one of her exes and his roommate. Biggest problem is she has said she wants to still be together. She just said she wants a bit more space. I dont know how to interpret any of this. If I am to stay with her how can I trust her. She had this plan to move for weeks and never talked to me about it. She told me she planned to move all out then talk to me afterwards. To do the same thing she did to her ex. But she still wants to be together? I am so conflicted with whether or not to stay with her or just leave because I have no more basis to trust her. Yesterday I become so conflicted That I wanted to end my life and if it was not for the police in my area I would not be here. I have always had depression and only recently have I sought help from a therapist and anti depressants. My girlfriend knows and has made herself a large pillar of my support system for this but I feel like She is running out on both it and me. How can I be with her? Should I even try to stay with her? I do honestly Love her and while our official relationship is still new we started acting like a couple now almost 9 months ago but only out of fear of being found out kept is both secret and tried to deny what we were. I have never thought she would be capable of cheating on me, but at this point I dont know. I just cant trust her or anything she says to me. All the things she said to me before even now feel like lies. What should I do? What should I feel?

[SweetGirl28]

She is not worth your pain.

You have been blindsided. She did this before, of course she would do the same to you.

 

You don't want to die, love, you want the pain to go away.

I'm so sorry you've been hurt, but please you have to find your strength now and fight this.

Let her go. Time will heal this. Her actions are no fault of your own.

[MissCanuck]

No, you should most definitely not try to stay with her.

 

She isn't a trustworthy, transparent or reliable person. Without those characteristics, the relationship is doomed to fail. This girl is virtually the last person you should depend on as a pillar of support.

 

Easier said than done, but you need to cut yourself off from her. She has proved to be terrible girlfriend material. Please, do inform your therapist about what has happened, including your attempt to take your life. They are there to provide you better coping strategies for your pain, and believe me when I say that this girl is not worth your emotional distress.

[ClumsyGuy]

I'm really sorry for the position you're in right now. She cheated on her ex with you. And now she's cheating on you as well. She appears to me as a serial cheater. Never date people who don't value the commitment and sanctity of a relationship. It's the best for you to forget about this girl and move on - there are plenty of loyal and high quality girls out there. If however you still want to date her (very bad idea), be direct about what you want and tell her that it's not OK with you that she hangs out with her ex. If she agrees to it, wait and observe. Most probably she won't agree to this and that's when you need to bring up the idea of "open relationship" or "friends with benefits" to her. Say something like "If you can't stop hanging out with your ex, then let's be in an open relationship where we both are allowed to date other people as well". Don't say about breaking up, because then she'll get all defensive and put all the blame on you that you didn't give her enough freedom and that you're a control freak! Trust me, "open relationship" idea works like a charm on a girl who doesn't know her boundaries. It's the best way to put her into her place. You're the man in the relationship, so you're responsible for where the relationship is going. Good luck!

[Furrehjohnson]

So turns out there is a bit of a continuation now to this. The past few days I have talked to her. At first she agreed that she one, wanted to still be in a relationship and that we both just need space right now. We talked a lot and it looks like we agreed that a lack of communication ( didnt understand or present how we both felt and meant) with each other was the issues. We both agreed we wanted to find a middle ground that we could both be ourselves and have our boundaries and wants. Now I'm not to sure. I told her the last time we talked that if she needed to talk that I would always be there. That if she needed me I would come because I love her, but that I Did not want to just be on standby for her forever. I get the feeling that she does not intend to ever give me a chance again. She has always accused me of holding character traits of her exes. Specifically one that raped her and forced himself on her when she was in a relationship with someone else, and with the ex that didn't care about anything she did and fell to see her as for granted. so much that even though I haven never given her reason to, she believes that my word is as valuable as theirs. That I would lie to her and do whatever it takes just to get her back but that once this happens wed just revert right on back. My therapist has said that I might set myself up to be emotionally abused again and that Id have to think about whether or not she is worth it to me. But I dont know what to do. While I do love her it feels like she is making steps backwards from wanting to be together again into a postion where I am her bad guy. The one that ruined her in some way. She has turned herself into a victim where I was the one that did that bad thing and ignores that she sneaked behind me and showed such little respect to be by not even talking it out with me. Even as a roomate it would have been more respectful to tell me before hand i feel. But I cant decide. Whether or not to let go or to try and make it work?

[SweetGirl28]

You can love someone, but it doesn't mean they are right for you in your life.

She is not right for you. Read what you wrote.

 

What would you say to a best friend if they were in this situation. Would you encourage them to stay?

The girl is abusive. You almost ended your life . Please for your own mental health, do not allow her

back. Keep her at a safe distance from you. I know it hurts you, but for your own peace, self esteem,

confidence, and self love, you have to be strong and let this girl go.

you must follow this.

[CONFUSED214]

run

 

but sleep with her until you meet a decent person.