My half sister is jealous of me? Is this worth fixing?

[ashlandcoren]

have a 6 half siblings on my fathers side. Myself and my full blood sister were the last two. My father was a angry man who really picked favorites when it came to his kids. Because of that my older half siblings have traumatic experiences with him. However, since I'm younger, he didn't make those mistakes on us. The only discomfort was he didn't contribute financially.

 

All my half siblings have these crazy memories of him treating them wrong or doing scary things to them. I've made it clear that this sounds awful and I'm sorry they went through it but they were swapping horror stories and I didn't have any. This is the truth. Other than being financially neglected, him and I had a fairly healthy relationship. Same as my younger full blood sister. By the time I was born, he had settled down a bit, he was sober (still very broke) but had his head on his shoulders. I have no scary memory of him at all. I told my siblings this without rejecting their experiences and everyone was like "Yeah, you were the baby."

 

But, a half sister of mine within that group has a problem with me saying that. I didn't say it in any way that was insensitive. I made sure of that but I did speak my truth and that was my truth. My father was a father during that time and treated my sister and I with full respect. He couldn't pay child support but my mother still allowed us to have a relationship with him and go away with him. It wasn't until my mom lost her job where she started realizing that in order for him to see us, he needs to pitch in. We'd have little visitation unless he pitched in, which is fair because my mom was a single mother. He's never spanked me. He's never yelled at me. I've never seen him angry. Told me he loved me. Never emotionally neglected me. I felt same at his house. He was normal. I feel like since I was younger, he wanted to start over and do it right but he lacked the financial ability to do so.

 

I noticed my half sister having some snarky comments and ignoring my efforts to get to know her. I let her know that if she ever needs anything, I'd do it without question. I kept it minimal and friendly. She rejected this attempt but embraces other siblings. I asked another sibling of mine why and she told me it was because she hates me and is jealous of me.

 

I can't comprehend why she'd be jealous of something I had no control over. I didn't make our father treat her like that. I didn't do anything. I was a kid that in his sick mind, he liked having around. He and my mother had a decent friendship for a while and they were able to coparent and had developed this common respect. I really wanted a relationship with her but this is a unhealthy start. I don't want to apologize for something I had no control over. It's ridiculous. I obviously can't force everyone into therapy but I'm contemplating dropping the idea of ever having a healthy relationship

with this woman because she has these negative feelings she's manifesting and she's projecting them on someone who had zero control over it. She tries to get our other siblings to stop talking to me because I'm "pro dad" and that couldn't be further from the truth. She gossips and discusses me with others when I'm not there to defend myself. He started drinking again and my mom cut contact and got a court order for full custody. I haven't seen him since age 10. I'm 19 right now. It'll be 10 years in June. My dad was a twisted guy and there's a large chance that he's probably verbalized his true feelings about who he favors and who who doenst.

 

Again, my dad was kind of messed up, he had no shame in declaring his favorites, should I give up on any form of a normal relationship with this woman? I can't go back in time and I can't change what the douche bag thinks. There's no scandal or affair back then but he didnt even mention her when I was younger, I feel like she wants me to apologize for my dad liking me as a kid and being a dad. It's not her fault but it's not mine either?

[Jibralta]

Unfortunately some people are determined to be angry and full of blame no matter what. I think you've been handling it very well. You realize that her mindset is irrational, and this understanding will allow you to develop a strategy for dealing with her. She is limited. You will have to compensate for that so that her misery does not drag you down. Keep her at arm's length and do not expect her to change. Don't engage with her. Focus on the positives in your life, and only deal with her when you have to.

[melancholy123]

You could leave the door open for this half sister to come to you should she ever decide to do so. She may not. You can be the bigger person here by not engaging her in conversations about your father since it's a real sore spot for her. If you dont ever want to see her again, that's your choice. None of what happened between her and your father has anything to do with you, she is the irrational one.