Am I being too nice? Need an answer by tomorrow.

[Carnatic]

I've seen how mich there's been on enotalone recently about nice guys and arrogant/confident guys, and how girls tend to go for the confidence.

 

There's this girl I go to Uni with who I've known (and liked) for the last 6 months. We bump into each other and talk every now and again maybe once a week, she gave me her number right back when we first met and my mates think she's probably keen. Yet I haven't asked her out at all, these are the reasons why:

 

1) I'm absolutely hopeless at picking up on when a girl likes me, no amount of hair twirling, lip biting or eye contact will make me certain enough that a girl likes me; honestly, the amount of times girls come up and talk to me in nightclubs and I think they just wanted to chat, or girls will keep looking over in my direction and I think there must be something wrong with me. Somehow I never wonder if they were actually interested until too late. In the case of this girl, about 5 months.

 

2) The moment never seems opportune. We always bump into eachother in Uni and are on our way to lectures or have work to do. We have a quick chat then we go our separate ways.

 

3) Let's be honest, I'm far too shy to actually make that bold a move. I'm a virgin, never had a girlfriend before and only one kiss (when I was 21) I'm currently 22.

 

So, when I discovered talking to her today that she was starting a module (Planning Law if you're curious) that I did last semester, I saw an opportunity and offered to bring in my textbook tomorrow so she could borrow it, and, I was thinking, maybe my essay as well. This way I'd have to arrange to meet up with her to give her the book and if I make it in the cafe when she's already finished lectures then we should have more time and the right moment to ask her out somewhere may crop up.

 

So the question is, lending her my textbooks, am I being too much of a nice guy here? Is it likely she will lose interest?

 

Any help is appreciated.

[ravens_folly]

well if she gave you her number, she OBVIOUSLY wanted you to call, and don't be shy, she doesn't know you're a virgin or only been kissed once!

 

I think its a good idea, but don't give her your essay! Thats not right, you can get in trouble if people copy essays too, I have! oops!!!!!!!

 

But yeah ask her to do something sometime.

[bomberman]

I wouldnt say thats being overly nice. I think shed see it as you being very helpful and she might think theres a possibility that you like her since you took the time of day to help her out. Just make sure when you go on your coffee date to keep it friendly but cool. Say something like "you look nice today" or along those lines to show that you have an interest but keep it at that and see how she acts. Like the previous post, if she gave you her number, she probably thinks you're cute. And the fact that you didn't call her for like 5 months probably drove her nuts. If tomorrow goes well, call her in a few days to see how shes doing with her project or whatever and offer some help. She'll get the idea. Good luck.

[Carnatic]

All your advice seemed good and I had planned things along that line.

Things didn't go too well.

 

On my way in I texted her to say I'd be in the cafe at 4, (I later realised the cafe would be closed and texted again to say I'd be in a different cafe).

 

She texted back to the second one saying she was sorry but she'd forgotten and was currently about to drive to Sheffield (from Liverpool) (this she said was a long story).

 

Having lugged this book in for her, I wasn't best impressed, I think I may have came down a bit too hard on her, fist I said I didn't know if I was in tomorrow, after she said I could leave the book with the secretary in our departent I said I had gone into town didn't want to carry the book all the way back home so if back in time would leave the book with our secretary, if I was too late for that and had to take the book home I wouldn't want to take the book in again.

 

After another apology from her I suggested she shouldn't be texting while she was driving.

 

I'm not sure about what to do now. Have I just been a complete arse, or am I simply not letting myself be walked over? Am I to take it that the fact she forgot means she wasn't interested after all? Should I take the book in tomorrow?

 

Sorry about messing things up and needing people's advice again, it's just me, it's what I do.

[ShySoul]

Sorry things didn't work out as you had hoped. It's disappointing but in no way did you mess anything up. Here's what you can do, arrange a time to pick the book up and meet her then. Or see of she needs any help with the project and offer to go over it with her. That would be a nice thing to do, she would appreciate it, and it gives you a chance to spend time together.

 

People forget things and things come up, so assume she isn't interested. At this point, she could be interested in either a friendship or relationship, it's not clear. But you won't know unless you take a chance. You need to believe in yourself and go for it.

 

You don't notice any signs until its to late. At least girls have been giving you signs. That's better than me. But really, the important question is how much you like the girl. If you really like her than you need to ask her out just to know what will happen and so you won't torment yourself by thinking and worrying about it forever. If she says yes, perfect. If she says no, be proud that you took the chance and went for it.

 

You want an opportune moment. Your in the process of setting that up. And even a quick chat can work. Say something like "we're always meeting up like this but we can never talk for long. Maybe you'd like to get lunch sometime so we can have a real conversation."

 

Your not to shy to make a move. I'm 22, a virgin, no girlfriend, no kiss, no date, really nothing. Yet last month I was able to take the chance and tell a girl I liked her. If I can, you can. You are already started to make a move, just believe in yourself and follow through.

 

And stay nice, it will help you.

[Carnatic]

It wasn't as bad as I imagine, I texted her to say I'd have the book today and she said thanks. Then she bumped into me in the computer room and we had a quick chat and I gave her hte book, she apologised for yesterday (turns out she'd had an opportunity to get a cheap laptop). Still not the right opportunity though. I guess I'll have to ring her.

 

Guess today's as good a time as any.